A lot of people call me insane
They call me stupid, and wonder why
I rather be heart broken than break someone's heart
I don't like the thought of someone's heart aching when they hear my name
I don't want someone to cringe when they hear my voice
I don't want the thought of me
To break someone to tears
To be the poison flowing through his veins hurt me more than any man could
My heart is too kind and pure
I can't bear the thought of hurting him
This is why I'm better off being heart broken
Rather than being a heart breaker

Love, love, love.....
Something I have been afraid of. To show affection? I see that as a weakness. And the unfortunate truth is, I am full of affection. I'm full of affection, compassion, and emotional depth. I feel twice as much as the average person, and I loath it.


Throughout the rough moments of my life, I have tried to become as tough as a rock. To feel nothing would be a pure bliss. To no longer feel, means to no longer hurt. But, it also means to no longer love, to no longer receive happiness. The way I have seen it, love is vulnerability. I try to see it as a pathetic weakness, but at this moment in my life I see it as courageous. One of the most courageous things I could do with all of the damages my past has caused me.

To be vulnerable to someone, to be vulnerable to you. I was losing who I was. I was willing to lose myself, to change myself as a person because I feared the agonizing pain of being hurt once again. Then, you came. You showed me your light. You showed me your aura. You introduced me to love, and showed me it was okay to feel. I no longer fear being vulnerable, or in love. It's okay, you taught me to keep myself. To feel everything is a bliss. I am vulnerable to you. I love you.

Memories, memories, memories.

That's all I'm filled with. Memories of you, and I constantly filling my mind. Our memories are like a dark shadow constantly hovering over me. There's no escape, no matter what I do. I cannot escape our past, and I cannot blind my love for you. I can't pretend that I'm completely over you.

I can't pretend I'm okay without you anymore. I'm sick of acting like you leaving me hasn't left a wound in my heart. I am sick of painting a smile on my face, acting as if I'm okay. Without you here, I know I can't do better. I miss you. I crave you. I need you.

In a way, I know you feel the same.

The thought of another man holding me sickens you. The thought of me moving on, acting like you are nothing but a past memory, makes your heart ache. You need me as much as I need you, and I pity you for that. I pity the fact that you can cause me so much damage, yet act like you are the one in true pain. You have the nerve to act like you are the victim when I was crying myself to bed at night wondering what was wrong with me.

In all reality, I don't care. I don't care about the sleepless nights due to constant crying. I don't care about the mornings I wake up to damp pillows. I could care less about the constant thought of not being good enough racing through my mind, or the constant reminder that you were so quick to act as if my emotions and I didn't exist. I don't care about the pain and anger you ignited in me. I care about you. I care about the love I still carry for you.

I'll love myself more than I'll ever love you.

The best part about heart break is the art it helps you create.

I grew up a coward who went through fighting
Scattering her own future with petty insecurities
Could never relate to the "too cool" youth
Too busy bumpin and grindin, hiding their crying
"Too cool" to feel, I could never relate
Because I simply cannot seal my emotions
My emotions constantly get the best of me
I could go from crying to laughing in a matter of 1, 2, 3
Growing up with a gift so unique
It could only be seen within me
Turning my pain into ink
The ink representing my sorrows
I learned to turn feeling into art
Because pain is the greatest form of art there is
A great way to cope and heal
A great way to recover and feel
A way to let it out in a way so beautiful it just might give you hope for the brighter side of things

2 am

    I still feel your lips planted on mine

    I can't replace the thought of you

    I thought all I needed was a little time

    But it still feels like we aren't through

    I still feel like you're with me

    I still feel like our love is greater

    If only you could see

    I just can't get better

To me he was poetry that breathes
And now all he is
Is a sad melody that keeps playing in my head

Nothing