And I looked at her then,
So many years after

I saw her

Smile for the first time
And long after
I swore to her endless
Days of pure love

Ghostlike I felt then
Observing her figure,
Or maybe it was a shadow.
Defeated I walked to her,
Breathing heavily,
Yearning for the past,
Even then I loved her so,

How can we be so close,
And yet you don't feel the need to consume me, to touch me?
I begin creating constellations
Out of the freckles on your arm
And I take sips of bitter coffee,
As I remind myself,
That our love is temporary,
And that one day I will be waking up
To the empty cries of the wind,
Rather than your drowsy eyes.
You tell me that you'd do anything to make me smile,
But I doubt you'd wait long enough,
To see the crease around my eyes form.
I want your words to resonate across my whole body,
But do you?

i was so peacefully apathetic once
that i managed to get a chemistry degree
and started loving manual labour,
but then humanity of a spontaneous act of stupidity
constricted my chest
and left me without a definite vector to unload my affection,
leaving me on debility benefits of the state
that started to turn to the lord peerage anonymity
of skinny budgets,
and i was left drinking walking the same streets in circles
wishing my apathy had returned
and the substance that so mummified my thought in couches
with ease.
i feel for those who ache like budgies in cages of emotion so early in life,
wishing to sing and flutter away to hawaii,
but i just don’t have it in me to be so pain-crushed from a life un-lived,
to feel so much but live so little...
if i’m supposed to feel so much and live so little
i rather live remembering my former apathy that nearly conjured
a hindu avatar in full bloom... but as avatars go... shiva’s avatar is
hard to tame... it’s destructive power is a bullish potency to create,
and once it starts charging there’s only the red light district of amsterdam to stop it.