It been days
Since I've slipped into blissful sleep.
I'm running on fumes
Of nothing but caffeine.
My bed mocks me
And my pillows call my name.
The only relief I have,
Is a cigarette or two
At 3 a.m.
My hands shake
And so do my legs
As I tell everyone I'm okay.
"You need sleep"
They urge.
But this is the life
Of an insomniac.

Becoming friends with someone
Who has a place in your heart
Who has shattered your definition of love
With whom there is extensive history
Is never easy to do.

Part one is when you don't talk to each other
Don't even look in their direction.
You wish you could pretend that they don't exist.
The only things you exchange
Are venomous glares and glances.

Part two is in this awkward limbo.
It's been a few months, you miss him or her.
Do you talk?
Do you text?
It's all left floating in the Great Unknown.

Part three is when you fall from that blank space.
Do you simply make small talk?
Should you hang out?
Is there a chance of getting back together
Or simply hooking up?
Your brain and your heart are at war
And there will be blood.

Part four, possibly the most crucial step.
Deciding when you should cross into the friend circle
And deciding how to do so.
You talk about what went wrong
Or you simply let it go.

But can you ever really be friends?
Buds, pals, drinking buddies
Talk about current heartbreaks
Family problems
Crushes

Or do you remain quirky, undetermined ghosts who just happen to
Cross each others paths
Exchange text messages now and then
Go out for coffee
Make out at a party
After consuming a little too much alcohol.

I think all of us who have been in this situation
Know the very clear answer to the humbly posed question.

It does not exist
I must insist
For if it did,
I would find it
Somewhere lying in an iridescent mist
No.....
It does not exist
Please cease and desist
You are all dismissed
I shall continue to resist

I do not fear the proverbial fall
My heart will never be involved

It does not exist

© 2013-2014 Peach

I sold you my dreams tonight,
That was me hiding in another life,
Somewhere between worthless and priceless,
Eyelids twitch as the torment unravels,
Sleep well and deep,
Fall and fly; run and hide,

Last night you bought my past,
Stories seem so small and distant,
The characters all ghosts of a passing age,
Lost to a dazed fading mind,
Don’t pity me here,
Old stories; float away,

Tomorrow I will sell you my hopes,
Hold them gently; they crush easily,
That was me hoping for the light of day,
Fists clenched and blinded,
Embrace my future,
Open eyes; arms wide,

My heart is yours; it always has been,
Not sold but given away, (maybe thrown)
Wrap it up to keep it warm and safe,
My gift to you on credit,
Unconditional yet fragile,
Buy now; pay later.

Don’t let me wake up please
I don’t want to wake up with thoughts like these:
Love? Is that some sort of cheese?
Don’t let me wake up thinking
I’m worth more dead than alive
I don’t want to wake up by your side
I don’t want to open my eyes
If you aren’t who I dream of at night

Don’t let me wake up with regret
I haven’t felt much regret yet, yet,
I feel like it’s coming faster than an air jet
Filled with important people I have never met
I don’t want to wake up
Wondering when it went wrong
Trying to remember, but forgetting the song
Wondering if I should have known all along

Don’t let me wake up as my mother
Don’t let me wake up as my father
I want to wake up like a lover
With roses by my bed and not a revolver.