four pink, three blue, five yellow, two green
i don't know how you manage to make it seem
so easy
to get up in the morning
to go to sleep at night
to sleep soundly
to do your job
everything you're supposed to
i don't know what i'm meant to do

four pink, three blue, five yellow, six green
what is it all supposed to mean
i didn't ask to be here
i have no effect
no purpose
nothing more than another girl
who writes a lot

five pink, four blue, six yellow, eight green
never really been too keen
never good, no good
useless, worthless
and sad

i don't see any benefits to your existence
you are a waste of space
i don't want you in my life
you are an awful excuse for a man

"but he is your father
and he loves you"
has become overused

you are not the man of my childhood
he would never have said
or done
the things you have
where is he?
where are you?

you have an amazing ability
to avoid the blame
that is rightfully yours

a truly amazing talent
to justify your actions
to yourself

i never said i was absolutely perfect
but wow! you're not handling this well

and i guess neither am i
because now that i've had time to myself
i'm ashamed to find
that i am in fact
missing you

you consider me pretty
i know because you've told me
several times before
i know because i've felt you
react to me

i know you would have never loved me
even if you thought you could
(which you didn't)
i wasn't ruined enough

your own sadness must be complemented
compared
with mine
i wasn't ruined enough

someone whom i thought was your friend
pulled me aside
because she thought you might
and she chose to warn me
but you didn't
i wasn't ruined enough

but you will never really know how ruined
tarnished
*****
used
filthy
i truly am

you will never really know how he
whispered to me
breathed on me
pressed on me
pressured me
complimented me
insulted me
threatened me

touched me


i find it incredibly insulting
that "emotionally damaged"
has become attractive
romanticized
wanted
by guys like you

i've never been with anyone
who i didn't understand
i've never loved someone
who wasn't close at hand

but i must admit
it's very bland
to be with someone
you must command

where ****** favors earn you yours
earn you niceties
earn you plans

i need someone who isn't
swayed
attached
infatuated
latched
just because of the things i can do with my mouth

your smile is incredible
your laughter is incomparable
your voice is unlike anything
i've ever heard before

your hands are delicate
your eyes are intricate
your words simply shake me
right down to my core

it's selfish to wish
that you would
one day
smile and laugh
because of me

the speed of light
is 299792458 m/s

edgar allan poe
was born in
boston, massachusetts

string theory is
a theoretical framework
in which the point-like particles
of particle physics are replaced
by one-dimensional objects
called strings

sukiyabashi jiro
is a michelin three star restaurant
in ginza, chūō, tokyo, japan


and yet i use this ability
to listen to sad music
and think about how much i miss you