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for some reason
taking a book from the shelf
and opening it and reading
a sentence
feels like picking up
where we left off

-cj
you know that feeling you get when you wake up
right before the alarm clock goes off?
that is us.

we are as carefully constructed as sand castles...

always one grain away from the hour.
just one inch too short of making the rollercoaster,
and tippy-toes now just won't cut it.

we are a missed flight.
i ran my fastest, carrying along our bags, bulky and heavy.

my palms keep getting blistered,
and i know for sure its not the monkey bars
or that baseball bat,
i kept swinging.
one homerun for every hundred fouls.

we are one mile short of the marathon.
a violin strung too tight to symphonize.
a micrometer short of the ratio--the golden
green of nature. but Frost knows best
that nothing gold can stay.

we are the silver medal,
and never could i settle for second best.

we are tired, weighted eyes
longing for closure,
and peaceful slumber.
but our lids are taped wide open
and we have stared too deeply,
too certainly and stubbornly,
into the past that
like an orphan on his birthday,
there never came a present.

we are that feeling.

we are the breaking point,
that moment right before you lean in
for a kiss you'll never get to steal.

the longing after lightning
for the thunder,
only ever finding silence.

and no law of physics can explain
this hole now.

we are a dead and ancient language,
a star that burned out just one century too early
to ever shoot into a wish.
a wave lost in the ocean,
a tree fallen in a forest so vast,
so pure, so untouched,
it didn't even deserve to make a sound.

we are two figments of one imagination.
a dream we are both too afraid to wake up from,
a grip so tight that everything just slipped...

...away into the wind that caught
your hair
and mine
and the wing of a seagull,
soaring steady above the coast
into a sunrise
we will never arrive in time to catch.
one day i'd like to love somebody
the way i love a poem.

the way it seems to curve itself around
its own edges, with calculated precision, and jump
from line
to line
like
marbles
falling in a pin-ball machine.

the way it seems to stand up for itself,
self-construct and de-construct the space
in which it floats,
like the clouds that hug the air around the ocean.

the way it leads a wish, like a dandelion seed, into the world
gently and blindly.
and bears on itself the weight
of so many
human
sorrows
yet rises from the ground a flower.

the way it's purpose sits like a ribbon
on a christmas present,
beautiful both open
and contained.
Would you prefer me if I tilt my head
at a fallacious angle
Would you rather I abandon my
peculiar nothings
(Would becoming a statue
unblinking and
without impetus
satisfy you)

-cj
it's been  t w o  years
so i  don't  remember
any  specific  things  i
used  to  note when  i
would lie   next to you
and  find  the   perfect
metaphors   for   your
perfect  features.   the
only  stories i  have to
tell now are  the  ones
about how  i  think  of
you every  single  day
s       t       i       l       l
but  after  t w o  years
i have   finally   started
to  address   the   pain
of being    second best
and   lately,   not  even
the thought of    y  o  u
r      h  i  p  s   pressed
onto hers hurt me more
than how i feel on days
i eat,    or the  sight  of
myself      in the mirror.
concealing the smiles
to seem less eager to please
in a smoke filled garage, you're holding
a can of beer that seems to be
sweating even less than i am
maybe it's nervous to meet your
lips, too

this is a night that leaves you
weak in your knees and begging
for just one more hand to brush
against your shoulder as it's
trying to route around you
to find the perfect spot on
the pool table, and that's
the only form of in-the-way
you're going to be tonight

they like you
don't worry
today, someone interacted with me who i thought i wasn't good enough to talk to.
it brought me back to the night i spent at their house, feeling like a real human being instead of a dark pit of self hate and embarrassment.
i wrote this to remind myself and others that isolating yourself doesn't get you anywhere. don't look for love for yourself in others, but you'd be surprised how many people actually enjoy you and your company. live.
Even fate picks it's favorites,
I'm sure of this as I watch the sunset. My porch reveals to much.
The homeless hide their homes in the corners,
Sleeping in the shadows.
The heat leaving them sun burned and drunken.
Can you spare some change?
I've got 5 mouths to feed...
But I always can find some,
Even when they admit it's for beer.
I wonder each time if hope abandons them all.
I know that people can give up on the ones they love,
I know that life can be painful.
But I lay awake at night,
knowing that could be any one of us. Just across the street,
Lays a man in the bushes,
Sleeping off a drunken state,
Not knowing if he'll eat tomorrow.
And me,
I've got 5 mouths to feed.
Writing poetry to help free the brokenness in me. While the blazing flames of fire paint different shades of desires on blood red stained bed sheets. I lay here down on my feet with nothing surrounding me but my papers and feather pen. Hoping the black ink won't dry out cause ill have to finish this journey even if i have to bleed myself dry. I'll have to write the rest of my poetry with my own blood if my black ink decides to run out ~
what if theres another earth
about 9 trillion miles from this earth
where everything isn't what it is
and everyone isn't who they are


and in that another form of life,
there's another you & me.
this time, the feelings i have for you is requited & the daydreams i dream every day is happening.

and if that is real then i'm happy.
because it's nice to think that in another life, i can be happy.
and that's all i want for me.
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