it was one of those days
you know?
where nothing is REALLY wrong
there is no urgent emotional issue that needs your attention or that is creating that familiar vortex of emotions within your mind and heart
it is just as an whole a bad day and you wish a million times over that you could just go and lie down on your bed and sleep for the rest of it
it is one of those days where you have this phenomenal high within your soul and then you just hit this incredible low that hits you so hard that even the combination of othello friends and history does not cheer you up
i am angry
and sad
and tired
and over it
and i want to give up
but tomorrow morning my friends will see me because i cannot give up
because if i give up then i am even more of the shittty hypocrite than i already am

i will be alive tomorrow
so that i can smile and suffer and pretend that at the moment i like myself and that nothing is wrong except that
I'm tired

Whenever I return to the wilted flowers of our friendship,
My lip curls in distaste at your abundant flaws, sharp tongue and emotionally unstable mentality--
Wondering why our eyes ever met; why our mouths and ears alternated, fully losing ourselves in the other

But I remember
How little I felt before I met you.
You were imperfect, and somehow, it triggered emotions I forgot existed, brought light during my darkest days, especially on those I'd rather wake with hands around my throat--
Or more in a more tactful manner, not wake at all

So thank you
For making every day of despair easier to bear
But I am a baby bird learning to fly
With my back turned, head bowed,
I bid you goodbye

Maybe one day
I'll tell you magical stories (the reality of my experiences)
Or maybe I won't

But without you, my world will keep turning
And so will yours

ive never known
you'd have this wickedness in you
seems like tearing me apart
for thousand times are real fun

I don't exist to the girl I love
Yet she's still the one I'm dreaming of
She won't read poems, she doesn't think I'm writing
about how every day's a struggle, and it's for her I'm fighting
But one day I'll lose, and I won't me missed
and on that day, I won't exist