I remember
Our last words
Etched in my brain
And on my heart
You kept saying my name
Over and over
Questioning
But I couldn’t answer
I couldn’t tell you
How much I cared
Because I knew
You didn’t
I wonder if you heard
My tears falling
As we said goodbye
For the last time
You made promises
You never intended
To keep
And I knew it
I knew we were over
Before we’d even begun
Because that’s the way
You wanted it
But not me
I wanted it to go on
Forever

I can see all the messes
In my life
The ones I made long ago
And the ones
Other people made
Of my life
Of my innocence
Of my trust
And I want to scream
With the injustice
Or perhaps exact revenge
But those chances are long past
Covered over by years of secrets
Lies, and therapy
I really have moved beyond
The pain
But every now and then
The trigger will come
My skin will crawl
And I’ll despise you
All over again

Someone called me fickle once
In high school
I had to look the word up
In the dictionary
And I didn’t agree
With their assessment
Unsure, yes
Unconfident, always
But fickle? No.
I just wanted
To be liked
You were the fickle one

I wish you had cared for me
one-tenth of what I  cared for you,
but the feelings were one sided
and all mine

Sometimes I wonder if you
still have that silly poem I wrote for you,
full of crazy phrases meant to sound clever
rather than insane

They were supposed to make you laugh
and feel happy, not uncomfortable
odd how I never kept a copy
and now the words are lost to me

I wonder if you
still fly the skies
or did someone finally clip your wings
and become your one and only?

I wish it had been me
I’ve grown up so much since then
and I keep trying to picture you now
with gray hair, like mine