Both light and shadow
are the dance of Love.

Love has no cause;
it is the astrolabe of God’s secrets.

Lover and Loving are inseparable
and timeless.



Although I may try to describe Love
when I experience it I am speechless.

Although I may try to write about Love
I am rendered helpless;
my pen breaks and the paper slips away
at the ineffable place
where Lover, Loving and Loved are one.



Every moment is made glorious
by the light of Love.

Perhaps I should try again
Walk on the path I fell once
Perhaps I should go on again
Swim on the ocean I drowned once

What do you think should I try again?
Life has been so mean to me since then
What do you think should I go on again?
It deeply ruined everything then

Sighs* I should try one more
Just wanna die alive
I should go on one more
Just wanna kick and survive!

Hear my laughter, O dismal folk
hear the roar of my tides
fear my love; it has no sight
love does not any rule abide
and crave for light, my enemies dear
in death you have no love to fear

Bear the weight, and bear it strong
feel it crush your life
let it break you, do you wrong
and stab you with its knife
you'll grasp the meaning, hallowed friends
in love you'll find your means to end

Fall into void, it does not deceive
love has no reason to lie
bound by no chains, it does not believe
love has no reason, it cannot die
so ride my tides, my fellows defiled
and dive into my seas, sterile

Break the bond, the one that strains
let your passions rise
love is a poison, as soon as it pains
a vicious snake, in sinless disguise
now cry out your eyes, my humbled knights
punish yourself with love's delights

Now shed a tear for your love denied
And curse this life, that you deride

It was a lonely kind of smile

that painted my face

the moment you smiled at me

I hid my melancholy

—-

It was a lonely kind of smile

one without a trace

of any kind of glee

as you gaze at me

—-

It was a lonely kind of smile

before I looked away

Not minding your looks

So again I won’t be fooled

—-

It was a lonely kind of smile

and I start to think

Though I’ll never resist you

I’ll try my best to……

When I'm wide awake
At 4 AM
My mind still buzzing while my body is shaking
A tear rolls down my pale cheeks
As I clutched and pulled and begged at the sheets
My hands red, raw, with a thousand tiny lacerations
The train of my thoughts not stopping at stations
As my conciousness fades, an attempt to stall,
the inevitable breakdown.

And I fall
And fall.

Why can no one see
The despair lurking in my eyes?
Why can no one see
The scars littering my thighs?

Why does no one hear
My quiet weeps at night?
Why does no one hear
When I scream with all my might?

They say "Oh, you're so pretty
And have such a good life!
Why would you ever want
To slash your thighs with a knife?"

They say "You're overreacting.
Please don't make up lies."
But this is my reality
And the truth is: I really want to die.