even in your arms,
you've been out of touch.

I turned off the lights and walked away
From everything that we could’ve been
And everything we could never be.

Don't forget your the person wrapped in a bow
waiting to stop the tears and
put on your best show.
Don't forget the forgetmenot lying on your grave
all of the came from the last bouquet.
One thing is new in this,
I loved you forever and always,
the sad and the bliss.

she is ginger,
curiosity,
and thunder.

There was once a time when
The moon and the sun
Had fallen in love,
And now they can’t stand each other.

Even when I hide from you in the daytime,
You sneak your way into my dreams,
Creating a nightmare.

Sometimes, the best thing to do
when you have been hurt
is to set your past on fire,
and watch it burn.

What ever smile I put on
You’ll believe it none the less.

Slowly

i lost him entirely.

its gone.

maybe forever.

maybe just for now.

but slowly
  slowly

he's out of my life.

I closed my eyes and plugged my nose.
Water filling in my ears,
And coming out as blood.
Ringing and getting louder,
When all I want is silence.
My toes can’t touch.
My heart begins to seize  
I’m sinking deeper and deeper
I can no longer see the sun.
I’m sinking deeper and deeper.
The water fills my lungs.
I’m sinking deeper and deeper
And I can’t swim my way up.
My mouth opens and water pours in.
I’m choking and coughing
But I’m not all at once.
It burns inside my chest,
Like a hell inside my lungs.
I close my eyes and sing to myself
That I’m sinking deeper and deeper
And there’s nowhere to run.
There’s an irony to this that
You may not understand.
But these bricks tied to my feet
Just hit the oceans sand.
Its okay now my dear
The feeling is gone.
Just know that when your drowning
There’s nowhere to run.

The sun warms her cheeks,
and the birds and little wooden wind chimes
sing to her happy little lullabies
that harmonize along with the precious children at play on the back porch.

This year will be so much better than the last.

Please don’t forget
even the idea of perfection is flawed.

Salt water waves crashing above my head,
screaming from the deep.
They threaten to swallow me whole,
fearlessly i walked into the white washed waters
ever so ready
to become one with the tide.

All of the men in her life
have ripped her to pieces
and taken her innocence away
smashing it into shreds in front of her.
These things will never mean anything
to her anymore,
because now she has a king
that has given her a kingdom
and that is all that matters.

The sun inside of her
Rages like a wildfire
Burning anything that she can see,
Ruining everything she touches.
She’s a golden girl,
In a golden age.
Touching only what she chooses to touch,
Loving only what she wants to.
She’s a beauty that
Illuminates everything around her
With a sun that everybody wants,
But no one can have.
She rages like a wildfire
Spreading her beauty into every
Little corner that she can imagine.
And with every one of these corners
She conquers something.
Sometimes she doesn’t know that she does
But the hearts that she has,
They will never ever forget her.
The sun inside of her raged on
Like a wildfire that can’t be contained,
And when they try to contain it,
She over comes, and sometimes
She has to touch things to overcome.
But don’t be afraid,
She only touches the things that
She knows will be okay in the end.

She looks in the mirror and sees her reflection,
her reflection no longer lives.
Instead she suffers.

You my friend decided to harmonize with the devil,
Instead of sing with the king.
And that’s why your life is hell.

You’re a weapon,
And weapons shouldn’t cry.

You know that moment
When you feel like everything is failing
And the winds won’t stop
The rain still pours
And you just can’t hold on.

Or you feel like you’ve done nothing
And there’s nothing more to do,
So you sit there and ask yourself what’s next.

That moment was sealed shut.
Gone in the wind with a few simple words.

Just the sound of your name
makes my ears bleed,
and saying it taste like
poison on my tongue.

“i was trying to kiss you on your forehead.
it was meant to be sweet”

Slowly.
  Slowly.

Painfully and pitifully lost him.
The one my heart desires.
Slowly he lost affections for me
That I had never lost for him.
Slowly he stopped caring
And set me down gently as he went to go
Live a life I should’ve never been apart of.
Slowly my name turned to bitter taste in his mouth
Instead of the sweet aroma that he knew before.
Slowly intimacy became distance.
Slowly he began to no longer crave me,
But instead run.

Slowly.

     Slowly.

where the blackberries sweeten
and the daffodils bloom,
thats where i lie down
in soft pillows of clovers and hay
and watch the clouds dance to the melodies
that only the wind and birds can create.
there i lay in silent assurance
of safety and promises

My knees sink deep into the cold tile floor,
My arms lift in praise and my soul sings.
“O Lord” I cry
“I know I am not forsaken.”
I know that my lament is heard,
I know that my passion is known by you Lord.
My knees sink deeper into the tile,
My tears flood the floor.
A song rises from my chest and I shout your name.
“This is yours, Lord, I’m all yours.”
I lay my head in your chest and I’m sinking deep in your presence.
My God, maker of deepest waters,
This is where I want to be, only if it’s with you.

I lay next to you
Empty and hopeless
Waiting for you to reach out and hold me.
Mend my broken heart.
Make me one again.
But instead I lay in silence
As your breath fills my lungs.
Waiting for you to reach out and hold me.
I sit here in silent agony
Waiting for a rescue.
Waiting for you to reach out and hold me.
Is this all we will be?

My life is not found
until the earths death finds me.
My life will be forever,
in my second home,
the home that was meant to be first.
My place here is empty.
My filling is placeless.
My home is a garden,
filled with everything that
was robbed from me.
That I was deprived of.
Everything that fills my heart
will be made better.

My life is not found,
until I’m dead.
When I die,
I will be more alive than before.

though i may wander and stray
one thousand times and then
ten thousand times more,
i hear Him calling my name in the distance,
and when i turn around,
the Fathers heart chooses me.

She has a wild fire that courses her blood.
She has a belly that is full of coffee and deceit.
She has a soul full of moon, stars, and joy.

my sweet boy,
i love who i am when im reflected in your eyes when you look at me with adoration and affections that cost the sun and stars.
i love the way that the sun hints gold in your shades of grey and blue.
i love they way your hands protect me when i feel full of fear and uncertainty.
i love the way your kisses taste like honey and rain.
i love the way the hints of gold in your eyes reflect the sun
showing the universe that you keep captive inside your soul.
i love when you write little words of “i love you” on my skin with your fingertips,
tracing all of the places i want you to be.

As each day passes
I realize that sometimes a day by day
can be too much.
That those baby steps that everyone
recommended,
they can be just as tiring as leaping
and jumping.

It’s not because im weak.
I don’t know what it is.

All i know is that i will take things
second by second.

Late night whispers of endearment
Tossed past our lips onto each other
Slowly being lost.
Slowly being drawn away.
Slowly slipping through my fingers.
Slowly I’m losing you.
Slowly, I whisper your name one last time.
Slowly.
   Slowly.

The greatest joy I got from this
Was the fact that I am now free.

she is lemons,
boredom,
and sunshine.

I remember laying in the grass
feeling the wind dance across my skin,
watching your chest rise with every breath
as he turned closer to me,
he whispers tiny songs of
sweet "i love you."

and that's when i realized i fell in love
all over again.

I love you
Deeply
Madly
Truly.

And yet you still broke my heart.

My love lies like a spider twirling her web,
waiting in the middle for her prey.
One lover after another,
falling for her tricks and games,
slowly waiting for his death.

He's waiting.

And waiting.
Longing for that end
that comes at the edge of my sword.
I have never been good at finishing what I start.

Now he waits in the silence.
My silence.
the type of silence that wont bring peace,
but nerves instead.

I tried leaving a long long time ago,
to release you from having to stay with me.
I was never meant for you dear
and yet you stay.
I begged you to let go,
and yet you hold on.
Tighter and tighter the more I leave.

My love for you was hidden,
in these walls that I built,
which you finally see lying in your pools of
tears and darkness.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I can hear you screaming my name.
It echos like cicadas in the midst of night.

Make sure you stay away from me next time, love.

No matter what you do
Or where you run,
Those shadows that you thought
Were once casted behind you,
They under your skin.

hey little snowman
sitting alone in your globe.
How does it feel to be trapped inside some place you call home?

The beginning of me
Was simply just
The end of you.

I think its so easy to forget
those moments where we can just sit
and laugh and cry
as we have the hard day fly right on by.

we pretend that its simple when really it not,
sometimes its just easier to forget and move on.
But we cant lose ourselves in our
moments of peace.
Our moments of ease.
Struggles on bumpy roads and no where to call home.
Sitting here in my lap
are the moments that I've lost
too nothing.

Those moments have been stolen.
Those few seconds that we made for love
covered now in hurt and pain.
So easily put in place but even easier to take away.
Things we have said and now regrets,
and regrets that we can't put to rest.

there is no conclusion to this,
only a revelation.

she is sugar,
anxiousness,
and rain.

I am a lost sheep
Standing in the lights of a train
Speeding too quick
And you are the shepherd
That lost his life to save me.

My love was simple and pure,
we mixed well like tea and honey.
Finding him was an accident,
but loving him was not,
and there is not a missing moment to pass
that I don't remember him.
He rose to the top
and died falling.
And that is the end of our story.

I looked death in the eyes and
he laughed in my face,
“you’re early” he whispers.
He assumed when he sees me
that he has me captive
and is preparing to hold me forever.
This is not my end.
My end does not consist of gravestones
and mourning who I once was.
My end does not consist of tears and
noses that wont stop sniffling.
My end is much better,
for it isn’t an end at all.
My end is only the start of the beginning

the stars and space,
makeup love just to know your name
and I can hear it
hear the stars explode
just when you call my name.

If I broke your heart,
Would you feel anything at all?

If you died tomorrow
I don’t think I would mourn you.

Curtains and draperies
of sunshine and
undeserving affection
sit on my shoulder
like petals of my favorite flower,
Complimenting me in
all of my best places and
drowning the bad in
something more than beautiful.