A faded shirt should sometimes just be thrown away.
It doesn't mean it was useless.
It means it has served it's purpose.

If you are able to throw it away,
It does not mean you do not need it,
But maybe you just no longer have room in your closet.

A faded shirt should also sometimes be kept.
It doesn't mean you have to wear it,
It means you will not let someone else.

It you are able to keep it,
It doesn't mean that you want it.
But maybe you are just afraid someone else will look better in it.

A faded shirt should sometimes also still be worn.
That means that you still want it.
That means that you still NEED it.

If you are still wearing that faded shirt
That means it is still yours
That means you will not let anyone else have it.

This blade controls me
This blade enters my skin without stuttering
This blade knows it's home within me
This blade hasn't yet cut too deep but has taken my life, you see
This blade is my life now
This blade slices through my skin like a hot spoon through butter
This blade draws art on my wrists and writes stories on my thighs
This blade will one day end my total existence
This blade is my addiction, you see
This blade has become my infatuation
This blade is wrecking me
This blade is scarring my skin with shiny white lines
This blade makes me joyous
This blade forces me to cut my activities short so it can cut my skin
This blade is my bestfriend, because when
This blade allows the red to run free of my flesh, I get giddy with excitement
This blade comforts me
This blade will be here 'till the end...

dear Annabelle,

I told you one day:

"look in the mirror
and tell me what you see."

your face was a mask of sadness
and you cringed as you faced your worst enemy-
yourself.

"I'm a monster."

that's what you whispered.
you were glaring at yourself,
with hate,
pure hate.

I looked at you,
the same girl you called a monster.
and I saw the most beautiful,
breathtaking person in the world.
Annabelle, I just didn't get it.

"you're wrong."

I told you.
I was sure,
that you were just insecure.
after all, how does such a perfect,
gorgeous girl have that horrible
of a view of herself?

turns out you had an eating disorder,
called anorexia nervosa.
but it was so much more than
a desire to lose weight.
you wanted to lose yourself.

after that day,
you just got worse and worse.
your world was sinking,
e v e r  s o  s l o w l y.

I wanted to make you feel batter,
but your demons were in control by then.
and Annabelle, I made you worse.

you starved and cut yourself to death,
and no one could help you.
I should've been there more,
for the girl I loved.

but I let you slip
right from my fingers.
how did I do that?

but I just want you to know,
that your view of yourself was tainted,
and you, radiant Annabelle Simons
weren't saying that,
your demons were.

you were never ugly,
or fat,
or utterly repulsive.

you were naturally beautiful,
in every way.
your smile shined,
as you flipped your midnight hair.
your personality was even brighter.
until the day you decided you weren't good enough
for yourself.

love yourself,
because you're all you have.
hug your flaws,
adore the imperfections.
never try to change who you are
because no matter what you say,
you're good enough.
you always were.

so don't look for acceptance.
it's such an abstract term.
the best thing you can do,
is just look in that mirror,
and give yourself:

A Smile.


love, D.