my mistakes are like a thousands little voices in the back of my mind
haunting me , slowly driving me insane . tranquility I cannot find
their telling me I will not amount to anything
because I destroy  everything
I am drowning in their appraisal
making me feel incapable.

hey you, feeling unpretty , insecure are you
your beauty ,I only wish you knew
don't worry about what they say , you are you
your perfect the way you are

OCD is not all about remembering the freckles on her cheeks or telling her I love you repetitively
OCD is waking up at 2 in the morning after you have spent hours trying to delude yourself into thinking that your hands are clean only to end up in your washroom trying to rub your skin off.

(all because a stranger touched me on the sidewalk a month ago)

OCD is being in an abusive relationship with yourself. Your logic won't let you give in, but like a desperate lover, your OCD won't let you go. So you keep swinging, tick tock, to and fro, like the broken clock in the store room you can't get yourself to throw out because it belonged to your nana.

OCD is not finally finding a peace of moment when he looks at you but it is biting your teeth into your lips trying to hold in the cringe when he carelessly wipes his greasy hands on the napkin. "Don't complain, don't complain" you mutter to yourself as you throw a hand sanitiser his way.

(please don't leave me)

OCD is rearranging the pictures frame on the shelf for the fifteenth time a day because last time your brother interrupted you and so you might as well start again. OCD is the worry in your mum's eyes as she invites the guests to show them your room while she keeps throwing you cautious glances as someone touches your books.

(I'm sorry, ma. I can't help it)

OCD is reading the same line again and again, a part of  your brain asks you why since you got it right the first time. You don't know why, but you keep doing it just to be sure. Check the door if it's locked properly before sleeping. Once, twice, thrice till it's morning already and it's time to wake up.

(another sleepless night, ******* it)

OCD is all these fuzzy voices mixed around with the signals from your brain telling you that your life will fall apart, if, just for  this once, you do anything different.