What am I without you?
Am I not still a person?
Am I not still an individual
Perfectly capable
Of not just surviving
But succeeding without you?
I have tasted many lives
Before you showed your face,
And in those lives I have lived
And the lives have been grand.
Without you I am still a person.
And this person lives
And does not cease to exist
When company is not present.
But when given the choice,
Should I choose a life without you
When I am still a person,
But not nearly half the person
I am when I am with you?
Without you I am still a person whole,
But with you I am that person
And ten thousand times more.
I can live without you,
But why would I desire
To be a great person,
With the greatest part of me absent?
The part that is you
And all that you are,
Beautiful
And
Peaceful
And
Perfect.

I always loved that movie,
Particularly the part
When he asks her
Why the city has no walls
And therefore how can it shield itself?
She answers readily by explaining to him
That most of the dangers
The city will ever face
Come from the inside.
It is the same sort of dangers
I feel a safety from
While in your arms.
Inside of the fold of your arms
I find safety.
Not from any outside threat
That may be lurking,
But a quiet safety from the constant war
Inside of my own mind.
When I am within your arms
The war grows calm and silent,
In a way it never does.
The feeling like I can never catch a breath
Disappears at the touch of your hand,
And for once I can breathe.
Inside of your arms,
I can do what should come naturally,
But I can never seem to accomplish.
I can breathe.
I can breathe.
With you
I can just be.

We make quiet love inside your basement
Just out of earshot of your sleeping mother,
I wonder if for the first time I have found forever,
Or if I should just add you to my list of lovers.
But there is something about the way you hold me,
Subtle safety like the walls of New York City
With both minds mutually as hideous as the other,
Heaven knows I do not need your pity.
We talk about leaving this hick town,
Getting married and moving to a different coast,
But it is nothing more than a pretty dream,
A mental escape from the things we fear the most.
Tomorrow morning everything changes,
Tomorrow morning life goes on as we do.
Tomorrow night you will find someone else,
But for the now please just pull me through.
Nothing ever stays the same in this town,
And not a single thing ever changes.
There is no such thing as ever after here,
We are eternally rats inside of our cages.
But beside you is an incomphrensible sightly sweetness,
I can not explain the way it makes me feel.
And just like the world spins at the hand of Jesus,
We are spinning like a wheel,
We will keep spinning like a wheel.

The door was jammed open
With some rusted *****
To prevent us from being locked out
And into the night.
The chill of the night
And the strength of the nicotine
Had us feeling just like
The floating candles inside.
It's scary.
It's scary to think
That maybe we are in love.
That maybe this is all real.
That maybe we have the greatest
That anyone will ever have.
Especially when we think
That we really are nothing,
Just two young kids,
Holding each other through the night,
Thinking we are something,
Yet fully aware
That we, just like the rest,
Will soon fade to dust in the wind,
Our short vapor
Just air,
Fading out into oblivion,
Just as everyone else.

I never intended to lose you that night.
I was wasted out of my mind--
Treating my young irresponsibilities
With more irresponsibility.
They said you left crying and in a daze.
In a certain sense,
I'm glad I didn't see you.
Not like that.
It would have broken me.
I just can't help but think,
That if I had,
Would I instead have held you through the night,
Before I let you become a victim of the night?

I'm so sorry.