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  Aug 2014 Andrew Kerklaan
Francisco DH
the path is overgrown with broken beer bottles.
fairies beat their wings to the rhythm of ******
pulsing in their veins.
an audible yet muffled cackle is heard
the source is a stump swollen with cigarette smoke.
And I have five minutes more before I get home.
Andrew Kerklaan Jul 2014
This is for being there for me when nobody else could of been



For looking out for me even when I did not





For picking me up when I was sooooOOOOoooo far down...







This... Is My Mercy Killing
Andrew Kerklaan Jun 2014
The truth is... I really do want you all to like me

To judge me and hold me to your own standard

To be ridiculed in a loving sort of way

And more over just connect to the real human inside

And...

I want you to take me for granted too, so I can be needed again

I want you to feel me

To share my inner most thoughts

...But when the time comes that I must face you

I want you to reject my humble soul!

To cast me out for all I have done

I need you to hate me.

To chase me running through the streets

Damning my name to the sky!

Immortalising and dehumanising me
                                                              ­                  
**I will live forever!
Andrew Kerklaan Jun 2014
Where are you?

I'm sure you can't of gone far...



But it's the anticipation that gets me...

Every time!



I just don't know what to do with myself I guess

But would finding you really make that feeling go away?



(Or will we both just be feeling it?)


Possibly now worsened by the presence of company

Or magnified with the abundance of misdirection??


These feelings make me antsy

So much that when I look to my surroundings and try to feel you, I become lost again



I want to walk through the empty street calling your name

To which of course I will find no reply



No scampering shadows in open doorways or looming wisp of hair by the window sill...

I just want to find you



To cry out My love! My love! I've found you!

But where will we go when I do?



I just don't know

But still...



**I miss you
Andrew Kerklaan Jun 2014
A peeling shadow turns to watch me as a passerby

Sliding flush with their surroundings...

Invisible

All details are distorted--Black

Blotting all that I see

Silent it's communicator
                                             These transmissions you receive...

An eerie glow

Unnatural; a lifeless shade of dull white turning blue

                                  

                                     Momentarily mesmerising...



I tear my thoughts away

Mind clouded

Reality snaps back in check!



Shade figures subsiding...

Walking through their gaunt doorways



Reminiscing



All time is forgotten...
                                       ...But for now



A painted shadow on the window blind

Is all that's left to see
  Jun 2014 Andrew Kerklaan
KarmaPolice
An ill man’s guilt


I’m perfectly fine, I keep telling myself,
I’m loaded up to my eyeballs, swimming in my wealth.
I've got a best friend who's with me all the time,
His favourite drink is lager and lime.

Yes officer my name is Dave, my address?
It's number 1234 The Cave.
What am I wearing officer? What a strange thing to ask.
I'm wearing a penguin suit and an eye glass?

What's that Steve? I won’t mention that...
They will think I am loopy or some kind of prat!
Yes officer, No I am fine, why do you ask?
I want to complain and put you to task!

Don't raise my Voice?? What do you mean?
Tell him Steve, to stop being so mean!
Get off me, what's going on?
Help me someone my mind has just gone!

Yes officer, there is medication I take,
It's at 1234 down by the lake.
Hello there doctor, I have a sore throat,
Steve help the Doctor out, don't just stand there and gloat!

A drink doctor? I'd love one, a saccharin as well?
Impressive what's in it?? Go on. Do tell...
I’m tired Steve let me go to bed!
I've not slept for months, let me rest my weary head.

OK doctor do what you like,
But be careful doctor, those syringes do spike.................
Apologies doctor for the other day,
My mind just wouldn't come out to play!

Who's Steve Doctor?? Ask him yourself! He’s just there,
The one with a jumper and ginger hair,
No Doctor Steve isn't dead,
He went for a long sleep in his double sized bed.....

Steve was my brother Doctor, can you not see?
He died in the summer of August...1973
I should have been there Doctor, when Steve passed that night,
But I was too busy injecting, I was high as a kite!


Before the Guilt


Steve? Listen to me,
When mom goes out, it’s just you and me,
We are going to play a game called hide and seek.
You be quiet when you hide, and do not speak!

Do we have an understanding? Or do I draw you a picture?
Or use those cards, that you are familiar?
That's it boy, keep it to yourself,
I've got to locate my 'medicine', off the top of the shelf.

Right then she's gone, you go and hide like I said,
Don't be so obvious and lie under the bed,

Stupid boy... he's sixteen years old going on three,
I'm rattling badly, I need the karma in me,
Switch on the music, get out my ****,
My usual is coming round, so I can plant my seed,

Steve? I can't find you...I'm a sarcastic ****!
He's probably fell asleep. With any luck,

Need to open the windows, this gear is filling the room,
The ****** is bubbling nicely, on this battered old spoon,
My hands shaking, I need to hurry this up,
The needle is drawing nicely, the syringe is full up,

Time to meet karma, widen my eyes,
Needle in my legs, it's easier to hide
The rush in my blood, filling me with calm,
I'll light up my joint, it won't do any harm.

Feeling drowsy, this **** is so strong,
I'm out of my face, but my feelings are wrong?
The pain, pounding in my chest,
I'm sweating profusely, right through my vest,

Can't move, falling asleep in the breeze......
Steve???.....Steve??....STEEEEVEE???!!.....

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? You *******!!!
Your brother hung himself......while you were plastered!
I'll never forgive you for what you have done...
I can't even look at you...You are no longer my son!
Read in the intended order. The secret behind his schizophrenia.
Andrew Kerklaan May 2014
...Never before have I been so alone

Even my shadow has left me now,

My best friend has gone silent

And even I am without words left to say

I feel as though the world itself would stop if I were to cry out now
I wrote this a very long time ago. Just thought I might share.
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