homesick for the little things-
a hello, for instance
-how was your day

can i just say-
small kisses
would go a long way
towards improving
the manor

i remember when-

i remember
small kisses
in a friendly manner-

granted
and planted-
and love mattered.

r ~ 9/24/14

Can you feel this fear
Orchestrated by a tear
Made by a scared thought
Pushed by what the mind taught
Listen now to this trembling story
Illustrated by an apologetic sorry
Compacted by a mirror broken
Agony of those words never spoken
Time came when terror made a mark
Erupted to ignite this morbid spark
Darkness becomes a tad complicated

rain falls like
streams of our
subconscious
in a dream.

she was no
small dream
but she has faded
like a song.

paint your
dream town
red.

everything is
just a dream.

fall inside your
rabbit hole and
dream of cabbages
and kings.

scream my name -
make love like it’s
your dream because
it’s my dream too.

sweat and breathe
emotions as our
dreams connect

we will connect
and move like tides
of some forgotten shore
where dreams exist
in layers like the sand
and we can live forever.

©Ben Ditmars 2014

That one where my head is being sawed off;

I can feel the teeth of the blade biting into my flesh

and I know I am going to be dead very soon.

Or the one where everyone

I’ve ever loved

is gone

and I know

I will

be alone

forever.

Then I’m at the top of the stairs

and falling

into

a black

infinity of nothing.

Or that time I remember

I have a baby

and that I’ve not fed it

or given it a drink for weeks

and now my hand is on the doorknob

opening the door where I remember it must be

and I’m dreading what I will find.

*Sweet dreams, nighty night, don’t let the bed bugs bite.

on a ******
and I don't think
anyone minds-
this is when times are
most friendly-
my throat makes sounds of violins
so the room must listen to me
working the feelings
dreaming of a perfect time
*yesterday has yet to come

in the middle of everything you are to me
you are a tight grip I’ll never have
a fist clenched
on a weak arm
my foreign  hand, always ready to turn over
to goodbye

someone told me live dangerously
and so I smoked cigarettes,
you and I
by the ocean in foggy aches
and I got on the back of your bike

so I edged in and out of your bed
at starlight’s hours
a sink full of your sadness
because I didn’t want you to feel alone

so I thought of being a tree
and if you needed me, you could have my leaves
and my branches and if you were tired
I'd be a stump you could sit on

but because of that whisper dusk in the sand by your sister’s house
when you told me you and I told you me
and the air gleamed in a reflection
I opened my eyes and there was you
placed carefully in front of me

and with both sides of the edge visible,
ephemeral graces gave me their secret

and when you asked me to kiss you,
one thousand voices of providence,
silver threaded stitches
sank my soul to touch on you

bruised by the impact of a human being

and it was nothing to you
but it mattered to me

we sat there
watching Rocky Horror
perplexed by sexuality
and it's gravitational
pull
and our need to
be touched

we both wanted each other
but were too scared by our own
thoughts and hadn't yet
grown accustomed to rejection

not that we'd be rejected

an age where we only can express
ourselves through a jumble of
metal and electricity

funny

I remember spending lazy afternoons
With you in my arms.
Trying to suppress my smile as I watched
You mouth every single word perfectly
As we watched
Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I was to busy watching your perfect pink lips to notice
You
Slowly slipping away from
Me.
Until one day you were just gone
And it was my own shaking arms that were holding
Me
And I was wording the dialogue, tasting the salty tears on my lips
Without You.

Evil comes, reaching and creeping
Darkness leaving you, shivering and weeping
Grey shadows fall, they bring doom
All around, trapping you in the room
Ready to claim you, as you scream

And you realise that this is no dream
Life almost deserts you, you're left alone
Lonely thoughts are chilling you to the bone
Almost as the nightmare starts becoming true
Now you feel the horror striking out at you

Panic begins stabbing inside your head
Out there come those you believed long dead
Endless laughter comes from a solitary raven