and when
i think of you.
never on purpose,
and always a mistake,
i want to burn the world to the ground.

it always hits me
unexpectedly
always a
w a v e
that washes over me
and i let myself
peek inside
your box
in my
mind.
a light
   [a sound]
and i close my eyes and smile
and the tears come
and i have to feel it
because it is all i can do.
and i don't want
to forget.
so i let you
   e
     b
       b
    and f l o w
and i cry and i smile.
and then
try
to close the box
once again.
(but not too tight.)

there are many things
i do not know
even after
40 years and i tell you
i haven’t stopped
this searching
since first i awoke
to the world
always so concerned
so amused
so incredibly internal
to a degree i cannot
describe or fathom
i only wanted
to love
and to help
and to create
and instead
the earth opened
and i fell
to another
place.

when will i
be held to account
for these quarantine sins?

breathless
feeling the sound vibration flow
spreading out in waves
of anticipation
vein-like and
following an internal structure
and wait
gasp
    gasp
/breath/
all of honor and hope
rides in that breath
to be taken
down
   down
       down
| d r o p
             |
the s o u n d
   so r o u n d
the release
so great
bass brings the
music inside h e r e
instead of up there
brains are boring
the p u l s e
is life