I can throw make up like confetti at my own funeral, a coffin with mirrored walls.
Teeth stand in my mouth like headstones in a grave yard,
a bouquet of rose red lips withered under the storm clouds in my eyes.

My body is here in front of you and yet, I am 6 feet under.
Secrets bore into my rotting mind like maggots gouging on the putrid remains.

There will be no hymns at the funeral, no prayers on the tips of tongues.
Just fish hooks caught in throats, of women you have baited, trophies cast aside.
You’ll learn that silence portrays hidden wars of the mind.

My body is here in front of you and yet, we are 6 feet under.
Your fingernails ***** from pulling the soil over our final resting place.

I'd like to take you on an adventure.
To a secret land known only by my eyes.
To climb trees that know only my hands.
To teach you to blow bubbles in the ocean of my heart.

I'll pull a blankly round us, we'll watch the sunset as the weaves crash over out feet.
You can swim in the ocean, a thousand stars will burn your beauty into my mind.
And I'll wait. With my toes buried in the sand and your shirt against my skin.
I'll wait.

For the sun will only rise when you come up, for your love is oxygen in this world.
Ill breathe you in and hold my breath.
For waiting for you is a pain of dazzling beauty.
And a comfort knowing you're still in the world, even if it's not mine.

there is a universe inside your chest
infinitely expanding
though infinitesimally slow
at times
boundaries stretch, breathe
though confusing at times
destruction feeds growth,
dichotomous paradox forms whole,
stars implode, give way to supernovas,
give way to planets filled with lava and snow
there, inside, a universe
constantly churning,
the incessant spin of all burning
that births light and shadow

here I stand on the precipice.
here, in an amorphous dusk and dawn,
unclear if day or night
is about to kiss the horizon
unsure if I should call to moon or sun
or neither,
or    you.
here in limbo, arching my spine to
sneak under the guardrail of loving
here, instinctually shoving myself
into bottlenecks and genie lamps
oh, how my gypsy soul wants to run,
yet feels so enchanted it stays, here
on the precipice,
itching to gain entrance
into the universe brimming
inside of you

there
there, inside your chest
there I said it.     and I'll say it again,
and I'll say it even louder:
I confess! I'm enchanted!
I'm enamored, enthralled, enraptured,
I want my heart
to know your heart,
I want to dive chest-first into your outer space galaxy nest
an astronaut without a helmet,
I want to explore, awestruck
never trying to label, box, or understand - simply experience
your universe

there, I finally said it
I'm finally starting
to write the poems I'm afraid of,
the ones I don't want to say out loud
I'm starting to write out shadows and solar flares and floods,
starting to let my heart bleed out of my pen, cause
what the hell am I hiding from?
what are we all so scared of?
we were ****** into this strange world
blind and wet,
groping in the darkness for heaven
meant to rip ourselves open again, again
meant to feel with the depth and tempest of oceans
meant to risk and be fools and fall to meet rose-hued ends

I just want to make love with the light
of a thousand candles, a million stars, and the moon turned on
and panting
silver dripping from her tongue,
dizzy with the heat of solar undulations,
stripping down to the heart of the matter
down to the simple truth of it all:
I was born to feel,
and my god, you...
you make me feel universes
you make me feel thunder and lightning and bedroom churches and power surges
you make me feel sunrise stillness
and it makes me fall silent.
so here I am, writing the poems I'm afraid of
and sending them out, messages
in bottles, adrift
in the endless oceans of your universe

They say when you die you go to heaven.

As if Heaven is always a final destination.

When I'm with you I fear I'm already dead.

When I'm with you, I hope I am!

Life is like a wave,
.....everything flows and nothing persists!

My dreams are home to endless sunsets with you, fingers entwined.
We'd watch the Sun step aside so the moon could see the planetary show.
The wind would roll over our skin as if time was our ocean, infinite.
We'd kiss as if our bodies were made of poetry, like fate wrote this one for us!

But in my waking hours I won't tell you that I LOVE YOU.
Instead I'll grow gardens between lines you run your fingers.
Fields of gold will bloom with every "how did you sleep?"
My whispers will nurture my blossoming love, so you'll never eat lonely.

I will look after you always, like the sun chases the moon.
But I wont rain words of nectar on a deaf heart.
Instead I will grow seeds and yield, my body will nurture as you need.
If you cease to be, I'll spend my last days with the moon, waiting for the sun.