sometimes i run my mouth
just to hear myself talk
sometimes i say things i don't mean
just to see if you were ever listening
and i promise you this
my mouth will be the death of me
awaken me with a kiss
the wicked witch put a spell on me
and if i do something bad
my mouth is sure to tell on me
because sometimes i can't feel
but i say something anyways
just to fill the air
just to let you know
i'm still
there
and sometimes i get scared that if i don't talk
you'll forget me
so i'm sorry if any of the words i say
are empty
i have this horrid fear of being left
and forgotten
it's a silly fear
but it makes me feel rotten
so every once in a while
let me know that you care
because anxiety gets the best of me
and then it takes the rest of me
and that is when i feel
and it's terrible and you can't imagine
how hard it hits
but i can tell you that it hurts
but it's an easy fix.

it's hard to care about education
when it's just drilled in our head as memorization
the system doesn't work when the yearn to learn isn't there
students mindlessly attending, but none of them care
testing is shoved straight down their throats
and the homework is piling and it's sinking their boats
so take note because things need to change
and priorities need to be arranged
i understand that teachers need to be paid
but the salary they are making is hardly okay
it's hard to learn when they have no passion
it seems like loving your job, has gone out of fashion
teachers are concerned about how much they earn
and that is why they try and get kids to learn
but if the teaching isn't genuine
our work is hardly benevolent
so reconsider how things are run
i miss the times when learning was FUN
but now curriculum is strict
and it pretty much constricts
our ability to care
because we are forced to be there
so how about not wasting our time
because learning without passion is a serious crime
and it isn't just the rankings that are suffering.

Writing helps me breathe
when I'm gasping for air
stuck in this town
desperate to get out
just for a little while
need new scenery
more air
elbow room
someone take me away
i need to escape.

at the end of the day
if we piled up all the excuses made
would they be more than what
we've actually done?
because all the excuses we make take up
the majority of our lives
we hide in fear
until we realize
we're not living
but we're alive
is that enough?
not for me
and maybe i'll have to go it alone
in none of you is bravery shown
and sitting there isn't getting you
anywhere
but to be fair i've spent my fair share
of time in a comfy chair
but it's time to get outside
time to breathe in life
adventure is calling me
and i won't betray it
that's cowardly
i'm going to leave you far behind
but i warned you
maybe this isn't goodbye
there might still be time to catch up
but my dizzy dreamer head is thirsty enough
that i might be farther gone than you thought
and maybe i'm wrong maybe you better not.

brave
i stood tall
silly
i let down walls
i was too busy
to guard my heart
too busy writing to think
about art
i forgot the basics
how do i breathe
but i can stand
on my own two feet
wobbly from getting up
i forgot how to walk
why did i fumble
i should have known better
but i clumsily stumble
in your direction
but you don't catch me
though it's not cold rejection
i missed because i had no compass
i didn't have a map
and honestly who was i kidding
i never had a chance.

when you're crazy                            I'm trying to reach out to you
the whole world                                              
revolves around                                                  
you  
and
the constant noise in your head                       You won't listen
assures you time                                        I try and reassure you time
and time again                                                     and time again       
that pushing away                                                  that I'm here
everyone that cares about you                     I care about you
is the best option                        sometimes the best option is to lose  
there is no "plan B"                                            and make a "plan B"
the only thing to do is fight                         you don't have to fight me
i'm not so sure if i'm                                    i'm not so sure why you do this
crazy                                                       ­               you're being crazy
narcissistic,                                             ­                and narcissistic
or both                                
refuse to back down                                    you refuse to back down
fight or flight?                                           i don't want to fight with you
pride on the line?                                is not our friendship worth more?
fight                                                     ­                  stop fighting me
even if i know i'm wrong                      it's okay to be wrong sometimes
fight                                                 ­                             i'm tired
with all of the people i love                  of fighting with someone i love
tear them apart because                               of you tearing me apart
it's better that, than me                        is losing people really better than
feeling                                                    ­                           feeling
guilty.                                                          ­                     *guilty?

today should have been fun
but i was irritated
tired
constantly ready to snap
i am a mess
need
sleep
i'm cranky
feeling mean
want to be kind
but i feel the need to scream
someone take me away for a while
i feel trapped in this town
someone make me smile
before i drown.

We had our first kiss
when you were intoxicated
now I'm intoxicated and
wishing that
there was a second kiss
not sure which is more intoxicating,
you
or the shots
I took with my friends
but I'm willing to take a shot on you
not sure where to go from here
home never seems far away
when I'm with you,
828 miles away
but you bring me back home
with each piece of snail mail you send me
every letter of the alphabet
sounds so much better
when it comes from your lips
and I'd prefer if your lips were touching
mine

you have left an imprint
on my heart
and no matter how hard i try
to forget you
like you did me
little things remind me of you
they keep you just a phone call away
a three minute walk from my front door to yours
the snow on the ground reminds me
of your promise to have a snowball fight
and my promise that i would surely win
it's hard to forget someone when
all the memories you made
were close to home
i want to move far away
i'm suffocating under the pressure
of the constant reminders
because all around the neighborhood
are reminders of you
but it seems that the story of us
is one you have forgotten
there are no memories
but you're everywhere to me
and it's getting hard to see
i need time to
breathe
i'm gasping for air
desperately trying to push them away
but i'm drowning
and home never felt more oppressive
and the reminders make me feel
obsessive
but is it really too much
to ask you to remember that i exist?

and slowly i'll drift
away from you
with each passing day
they say
that absence makes the heart grow fonder
but sometimes absence makes you forget
forget the smiles shared
and the moments you got lost in
forget the poems i wrote
and the time spent wishing just
for one moment
i could call you mine
not like my property,
but mine
and i'll forget what color your eyes are
and how your laugh made me feel warm
and i'll forget who drew me that picture
i'll forget how your arms felt around me
i'll forget all the things you were so passionate about
and the things you didn't like
i'll forget where we met
and all the fun we had that summer
and the letter that i wrote you
i'll forget your smell and your thoughts about politics
i'll forget which music was your favorite
and all the little things that made you tick
but i bet you'll forget me too
you'll forget my love of puns
or how I'm a bibliophile
you won't remember my laugh
or my smile
or how I cannot dance
you'll forget what color my eyes are
and  my yellow rain boots
you'll forget about my novel
and my love of poetry
i'll forget about you
and you'll forget about me
we'll go in different directions
totally different paths
i'll be on a plane to Wales
and you'll be on a plane to Italy
and maybe i'll see you in the airport someday
maybe i'll recognize your voice
maybe i'll remember how i should have tried
maybe i made the wrong choice
will it really be that easy to forget you
i don't think there's a chance at that
will it be easy to forget me?
or did i make a big impact?

Fake
You put on a pretty face for everyone else
But you have showed me underneath the mask
Should I be grateful for that?
Because you unload on me
Everything
Constantly irritated
You're always a loaded gun
And our friendship is like Russian Roulette
I never know if or when you're going to blow my head off
Fake
Pretending like everything is okay
But ripping my head off when no one else is around
How long am I supposed to go along
With the act?
We have our good moments
and those are really good
but most of the time
you are a bull ready to charge

It seems like every dry spell
Gets longer and longer
If words are like water
Well, this county has been going through
A drought for quite some time
Use that water sparingly,
Restrictions apply from 6am-12pm
Don't exhaust
Your resources
It seems between essays and normal conversations
The supply has run dangerously low
But you,
You brought the rain
The rain that ended this drought
Thank you for being my reason to write again
The world feels right again.

frozen.
i see you
and i forget things
like how to talk
because i'd rather listen
how to feel
i just go blank

thawing.
now that you're gone
i can think again
please come back?

sitting at home
i slept in today
should have gone to school
my health is more important
i've lost
my appetite
can't seem to eat a whole lot
i'm always tired
something is wrong
can't tell what
don't want to go to the
doctor
probably nothing
a cold?
maybe stress
whatever it is
i'll be fine.

You were always
a mystery to me
that is what kept me hooked
you never let me get close enough
to figure out just what makes you tick
every time we got too close
you shut me out again
built up your walls so high
and i can't say i didn't try
to climb them or break them down
each time i tried i fell and got hurt
its different now that you just aren't around
you're not like others where i got closure
you just disappeared
fell flat off the **** earth
now you haunt me
and i've tried
to find you over
and over again
its as if you don't exist
or as if you only exist as a ghost
reminding me
that when you held me
it was always at arms length
and all i want
is just a little closure
but all i've got
is a ghost of
the person i thought
you might have been.

can you see
how much i've grown
since i've known you
not just in height
but as a person
can you see
how much i've grown?
because i can
and i stand taller now
than i did before
but you've grown too
maybe not in height
but as a person
you grew
and i grew
to love you.

i need to sleep
yet i sit here at my laptop
trying to find the words
to accurately describe how i'm feeling
but i'm coming up short
it's a mix
of exhausted
and annoyed
and joyful
what a weird combination
would we be a weird combination?
or would we work well together
is there a future?
or is this just a far fetched fantasy
composed of infatuation and the feeling of
not wanting to end up alone
i just want to know how i actually feel about you
with so many miles between us
it's hard to say
but sometimes it's easier to say things
at a distance
courage from behind a screen
but you have recently come up missing
and i don't know how to take it
don't know if you're wasting my time
if talking to you was a mistake
i just don't want my heart to break
but if i don't put myself out on the line
how will i know if i'm a good catch or not?
don't want to wear my heart on my sleeve
don't want to be easy to read
just want to know where to go
from here
want to close the gap between the states that separate us
and the gap between your lips and mine
but again i wonder
is this even worth a try?
are you messing with my heart
or are you being true
i wish i was sure
but i'm uncertain
about you.

have i given
too much of myself
away?
maybe i'm breaking at
the seams
and it seems
i am worse off
than i thought
bottled up my problems
now they're leaking
from the top
thought i had some me
to spare
that there was enough of me
to share
but i gave myself away
and now i sit
in a hollow shell
wallowing in
my own personal hell
tried to make people feel at home
but all i am is skin and bone
people are not meant
to be made into homes
the base of humans
is fragile bones
there is no concrete
to keep me steady
when life starts
to get too heavy
i built my home upon the sand
but it seems the walls wouldn't
stand
if you're going to make
a human your home
maybe you should
be your own
because until you have
a strong foundation
you can't attempt
to be someone else's
salvation
because the foolish man built
his house on the sand
the foolish man made a home
out of man.

They say home is where the heart is
I think they're right
But they don't tell you
that you don't just feel the hole it leaves
When you're alone at night
Home is not a hole that can be filled easily
And the constant little reminders really get to me
Like looking at the hills
Where mountains ought to be
I left my heart in Colorado
With my friends and family
There I had my first kiss
And I learned how to read
Learned to ride a bike
And how to climb a tree
A lifetime of memories
Eight hundred miles away
I guess you can say
I'm feeling  a bit homesick today.

Too often are we obsessed
with nesting,
making homes
out of other people
rather than ourselves
we make ourselves cozy
within the confines of the walls
they had to let down in order to welcome us in
we lace ourselves in between their fingers ,
hoping that we might also find ourselves
imbedded in their heart
we embrace the richness of their voice
as if it were a lullaby drowning out
the voice in our own heads
a person was never meant
to be made into a home
just trying to find their own way
in their uneasy bones
people are
fickle homes
with restless minds
and tired bones
i am learning to make a home
within myself
to clean the dust off of the blinds
that shield my eyes
and see the world a little clearer
it is time to clean out the attic of my mind
to paint my skin a different color
because I have always wanted my home
to be as colorful as i feel
i will explore the depths
of my own temple
and build in myself
a strong foundation
because the foolish man built
his house on the sand,
the foolish man also
made a home, out of a man.

In the cargo its cramped and small
People range from short to tall
the smell of death evades the air
Nazis loading people with seeming-less care

Separation,Deprivation
Wheels turning, stomachs churning
the taste of fear,sweat and tears
What I have lived for through countless time.

Mortifying sights to see
family memories
ringing in my bleeding ears
Triggering my deepest fears

Sun rays shining through barbed wires
too much time spent in death cars
when will i escape this hell
captivating feelings held

Trapped and caged like a jailbird
Loaded and treated worse than a cattle heard
intense heat keeps us beat
disease and death among me creeps

Bodies close
too close for comfort
but that is least of my worries

Where is this place they are taking me
will I survive or will they break me
emaciated,hunger kills
I'm still alive 'cause my strong will

Sweat dripping down my cheek
the thirst and hunger turn me weak
dust and dirt caked upon us all
the horrendous taste of death still  crawls.

it’s not that you give me butterflies
cause that’s just not quite it
i don’t believe in butterflies anymore
they pass away too fast
don’t have a word
trying to explain
searching my brain
i’m drawing a blank
it’s not like we talk “Cute” to each other
that’s just not quite it
it’s like we’re best friends
talking till the day ends
it’s weird how suddenly
you became important to me
you went from “not-excactly-nothing”
to “someone-who-means-something”
this isn’t really cheesy
which may not be as pleasing
but it’s just how i’m feeling
i don’t know what that means in all honesty
i don’t know what you think of me
i don’t know if i mean anything
i don’t know who i am to you
why does any of that matter?
i guess I just like you
whatever that means
and if you don’t like me back
it’s still cool beans
i just really enjoy knowing you
and this is my way of showing you
talking to you brightens my day
you bring a smile to my face
i hope that somehow
i make your days better
that i somehow help your endeavor
i don’t want to say you’re different
don’t want to jinx myself
but somehow i feel different
it’s really bizarre
i don’t even know what i mean
i can only hope that you do
its not giddy infatuation
i just really like you

just a girl                       (nothing special,)
human                           ( just like everyone else,)
trying to make a dent
in the world                ( but i'm barely scratching the surface)
                                         ( i  am just average,)
i am                                (nothing special)
nobody

i am
nothing
but
a mess
in all senses of the word
clumsy and awkward
not beautiful
or graceful
not the kind of girl
that people write about
i'm the girl who never has anything fully
together
procrastinator
with a slight lisp
clothes slightly wrinkled
never get enough sleep
sharp enough to make you laugh
but not enough to capture your soul
i am the laundry you dropped behind the washer
loved but forgotten and worn
i can't take your breath away
or make your heart skip a beat
i'm not the kind of girl who is etched into your bones
not the kind of girl who you might call home
and if i manage to capture your heart
i'll never capture it fully
because i'm the kind of girl who never has
anything fully
together.

I just wanted you to know
Who I am
I am:up till 3
allergic to dariy
A space case sometimes
Obsessed with the color yellow
In love with music
Living near trains
Someone who dances grocery store
loud
And quiet
a social butterfly
And extremely shy
So passionate
Sorry for my smelly feet
Always wearing yellow rain boots
bad at shaving my legs
unorganized
A sleep talker
A church goer
In love with God
Sometimes selfish
Someone who usually has good intentions
Going to tell you what you need to hear
The dork who sing along to songs in musicals
A natural blond.

i found an old picture of us
i swear it's perfection
i wish that i could recapture that moment
we were happy together
can we be like that again?
i would love nothing more
than to be in your arms
to kiss your lovely face
but later i guess
not now
we can still be happy
from afar
i love your hugs
but they don't last long enough
how long is long enough
i just want things to escalate
but not quickly
at a steady pace
first you'll hold my hand
then you'll peck my cheek
and so on??
sometimes you talk too much
and i want to kiss you so you'll shut up
sometimes silence is enough
i'm comfortable with you

I can still feel
the phantom trace of your lips
against mine
and I am all too familiar with
the way your hand fits around mine
and nobody else fits just like you
and I am reminded of you when I stare up
at the moon
It makes me smile to think that maybe
you're looking up at it too
you are my night sky and calm ocean
i could get lost in those starry eyes
listening to the cool lull of the waves of your voice
i was the wind listening and watching
waiting for your next move
and like the night sky you disappear
and at times you went silent and that is when my heart
was the quietest
I was just a cool breeze
but when you talked you could hear my heart roaring loud,
trying to build a storm up in you
trying to shake up the ocean
being the wind isn't easy
not everybody hears my call
and sometimes I feel like you're a part of that crowd.

The cure to 3 am sadness
tylenol pm at 10.

i'm dying to address
the thing we're ignoring
i'm holding my tongue
but my mind is warring
a battle with myself
to outwardly express
feelings put on a shelf
i'm feeling distressed
i want to be civil
but i want you to know
the affects of your fickle affection
that melted like snow
because i used to think
highly of you
now you're just another guy
that i thought i knew.

it's hard to believe
that anyone could fall in love with me
that i could be the reason for someone's smile
how could i make someones heart pound?
or do i keep them up at night
or am i always on their mind?
maybe there's poetry about me somewhere
or a love song played on repeat
maybe i'm the person of someone else's dreams
if all of that is true,
could that somebody be you?

scared
things seem like
they're going by
too
fast
everything is
a blur
what do i do
next
my mind isn't keeping
up with the rest of
the world
it's


lag   gin   g



still
.
.
.
l  o  a  d  i  n  g


p      r      o      c       e      s      s      i      n     g

sometimes

it
comes to

a

halt.
stops l  o  a  d  i  n  g
and
i'm [stuck]
in one place
while everyone around me
is moving fast paced
i take things
s
l
o
w
i like to
procrastinate
i am not quick to
strike
what if they move on





without me?

I saw someone today who reminded me of you

they were sitting with a girl

drinking tea

having fun

laughing

I got really sad

because that could have been you

and I realized that

for the past year

I found that I can't see me with anyone else

I tried

to flirt with attractive boys

but



I





just





didn't





feel





anything



no tingly happiness

just

nothing

but with you

your name pops up

on my screen

and

it's you

I just immerse

with happiness

maybe

I'm

obsessed

that's such an ugly word

sometimes I try and convince myself

that I don't have feelings for you

I'm just lonely

but it's not true

because sometimes it works

and then you laugh

and I realize it can't be true

i'm pretty good at lying to

myself

i practice all

the time

but then

then you come along again

and ******

i falter

and my porcelain strength shatters

i live a messy

messy life.

I fell in love with you today
I barely even know your name
They say never to fall in love with a poet,
But I'm in love and I know it
Your words immediately capture my soul
For I know your heart is gold
They say actions speak louder than words
But I say that's for the birds.

maybe i shouldn't
wear my heart
on my sleeve
i'm so transparent
you probably
see right through me

take my hand
i'll take you somewhere new
we'll go on an adventure
just us two
we'll laugh and joke
**** and tease
new feelings we'll evoke
we'll dance
pretending we know how
stepping on each others feet
giving everything a chance
sleep underneath the stars
huddling together for warmth
nothing could bother us because the world is ours
we are free to roam
free to explore
take my hand let's go
there's no time to "be bored"

you never let me win
with you it's always
a fight
and apparently i'm never
right
you can't just let things go
and i suppose i'm just as bad
i push you trying to win
trying to have my way
for a moment
we're both acting like kids
but you never just say
drop it
you have to be right
even when you're wrong
and don't get me wrong
i love you to death
but arguing with you
is leaving me out of breath
can you just not for once?
can you just let it be
because i wouldn't argue
if you didn't ALWAYS disagree
and sometimes i don't tell you things
because you're like this
and how could i tell you it'll end up in fists
and i know i'm bad at it
and i haven't confronted you
but i don't want to make you mad
but it's gotten really bad
to the point where i like time away from you
better than time with you
are you mad because i'm leaving
i won't be too far
i just need room for breathing
need room for change
and staying here would be the definition of insane
doing the same thing
everyday
expecting things to somehow change
and i don't think you understand my need
maybe you have it too
but my soul is starving
i'm not trying to leave you behind
i'm just running on a new path trying to find
who i am supposed to be
and there's still time
to catch up to me
things won't be as bad as they seem
i just wish that you could see

the worst part about being                              inadequate
is                 ­                                                         finding out
you weren't enough
when                                                      ­             it’s too late
to fix the problem
you                                                             ­          didn't know
existed

lately it seems like
I only exist
when it's convenient for you
and that
freaking hurts.

independence
the freedom to try anything
once
freedom to fall flat on my ****
and knowing I have only myself
to lift me up again
on my own
experiencing the world
head first
not afraid to crack my head
and just bleed
explorer of the world
and of myself
finding beauty in things
that normally wouldn't
be considered beautiful
finding beauty in
myself
...
finding                        

  myself.


interdependence
community, fellowship
providing love for everyone
meeting people's needs
knowing we can't
do it all on our own

now as i walk these familiar halls
i am a stranger
and the feeling i have is odd
it's like i'm out of place
a puzzle piece that doesn't belong
walking through these halls
has never felt so wrong
it's like there's an ever going song
and i am a note in the wrong key
it would sound better if i would just
leave
and soon enough it will be over
but i found out what i already knew
these hallways are strange now
i shouldn't be here.

our friendship lately
feels dangerous
rocky, on edge
i try, but
every
little
thing
i
do
seems to irritate you
i can never be
right
with you
and i am stubborn
shouldn't you know?
it just ***** to feel
like i'm the only one
trying
i understand, you have crap going on
but that doesn't make it right to
treat me
like crap
i came to you the other day
because i thought i felt safe
but now i'm questioning that
because everything
i have to say
you counteract
you retort
you snark
you are never
happy
with me it seems like
unless
i'm
helping
**you

At the end of the day
at least i tried
i'm more than okay
i gave it a shot
and maybe i missed my target
but what was i aiming for?i forgot
and everything will be alright
i will  let this  go
i will let you go
now it's over
i'm finally done
and it's hard to decide if
my battle was won
but now it's over
it's a little bittersweet
i'll have to find a new path
for my wandering feet.

it's time
to remember the things
that help me to breathe better air
in a life that can be so
suffocating
lived most of my life with asthma
yet i still refuse to remember my inhaler
pretending i can breathe just as well
as the person next to me
but losing breath trying to keep up
i have never been ashamed
of stopping to catch my breath
but i have forgotten recently
to slow down
to take things at a pace that doesn't keep me
gasping for air
taking
small
breathers
in between the



long stretches
but need to take time to actually rest
time to be still and breathe deeply
when life is going at the speed of light
i need to remember
to bring my inhaler.

come on skinny love
just last the year
can we last
will we last
the year
or will this be
our last year
please
pretty please
hold on
hold tight
we're strong
we can last
we can last
the year
say it's not so
this won't be our
last year.

No one ever tells you  that
Even in the happiest place on earth
You can still feel blue
That there are things you have to do as a person
To thine ownself be true
These things that  will help you grow
Like taking vitamins
To strengthen your bones
But sometimes you have to take the vitamins
That you find disgusting
No one tells you that
there will always be growing pains
And you wont always have enough medicine
Or a mom close enough to give you the grape flavored medicine not the cherry kind
sometimes it just hurts
Sometimes you just have to let it hurt
life will give you more than you can stomach
But when you consume good things
You will produce good things
But the opposite is also true
Even being surrounded by people
Thousands of people
You can feel alone
Because nothing,
I mean nothing
Is ever quite like home
And home is where the heart is
But right now mines far away
Making the best out of what i have
But feeling  low today
Sometimes you just need to be
Surrounded by people you love
And being a thousand miles away
Is difficult when push
Comes to shove.

please don't lie to me
don't tell me you're going to do something
and not do it
please prove me wrong
because now
i'm seeing that you're probably the same
same guy
different name
same crap
different day
but it's not supposed to be this way
so please
prove me wrong.

I don't know how to say this
But I'll try my best to do it
I think I...
I don't know if I want to tell you
I'm growing rather shy
I have these three small words
with a very big meaning
I've spoke them before
but never really in this context
I really want to say them
But they won't come out of my mouth
Maybe I could show you
Could you help me out?
You see your lips, you see mine
they should meet
and our fingers should intertwine
and when our lips part I might just say
those three words
I
what comes after I?
I must say you're looking swell
It shouldn't be this hard just to tell
to tell what?
To tell you  that I love you.