I saw someone today who reminded me of you

they were sitting with a girl

drinking tea

having fun

laughing

I got really sad

because that could have been you

and I realized that

for the past year

I found that I can't see me with anyone else

I tried

to flirt with attractive boys

but



I





just





didn't





feel





anything



no tingly happiness

just

nothing

but with you

your name pops up

on my screen

and

it's you

I just immerse

with happiness

maybe

I'm

obsessed

that's such an ugly word

sometimes I try and convince myself

that I don't have feelings for you

I'm just lonely

but it's not true

because sometimes it works

and then you laugh

and I realize it can't be true

i'm pretty good at lying to

myself

i practice all

the time

but then

then you come along again

and ******

i falter

and my porcelain strength shatters

i live a messy

messy life.