you are my sun.
i flicker when your light shines upon me.
somehow, in the same way, you are my dusk.
you are the chains that leave me tethered.
you are the voice in my head on repeat,
“never leave me”
       “don’t you see me?”
              “why don’t you need me?”
you hold my love
                     my time
                         my worry
can’t you see?
you are and will forever hold
                                                    my heart.

I don’t want your fingers to bleed
while holding the pieces of my broken heart

I don’t want your eyes to cry
for the pain that lives inside me

I don't want your tounge to taste blood
each time it whispers my name

I don’t your hands to shiver
while reaching for my cold soul

I don’t want you to suffocate
while drawing air to my lungs

I don’t want you to consume
the venom that flows inside my veins

I don’t want you to break down
in the process of healing me

So I’ll love you but only from a safe distance
Knowing that we don’t belong to each other
I’ll always love you
But will never show it

These bathroom tiles are frigid under my toes.
The soles of my feet stiff, lifting off of the hostile ground.
My toes curl as I let go and fall to the unforgiving floor.
I’m falling, falling so fast that I almost hit the surface.
Then your humble fingers lace with mine.

How can you eat when your body isn’t yearning for food, but for embrace?
How can you breathe when your worries drive your heart to shake so violently, so rebelliously that you lay withered?
How can you sleep when your thoughts rattle so loudly they leave your mind scarred, scraped bare?
How can you converse when every anguish sifting through your consciousness continues to blatter as if their conjectures are paramount to reality?
How can you be productive when every ounce of effort left in your bones has taken the day off?
How can you be proud of your skin when that very skin forsakes you at every turn?

Tell me why there is a tornado manifesting in my mind.
Tell me why you reside in the eye just to taunt my already unsettled psyche.
Tell me why there is so much ******* debris, unapologetic of the damage it causes in my maimed existence.
Tell me why it stings when this cruel debris shatters the protective layer I have fostered for so long.
Tell me why every time I try to come up for air, you drag me back into the deep.
Tell me how to be ******* okay.

Save me from my perturbed, disheveled state of mind.
Save me from my emphatic thoughts, quiet in nature, yet so ******* loud.
Save me from my lack of motivation and be my catalyst for incentive.
Save me from my self pity and melancholic attitude. I feel trapped.
Save me from this feverish cloud of bitterness, I’m suffocating.
Save me from myself.