Freud says tattoos
Are
The Manifestation
Of a
Trauma

Every point
A
Separate pain
We
Have
Suffered

It took
Two
And a
Half
Hours

To complete
The
Diary
Of my
Trauma

And half a million perforations

To convert
Those
Memories
Into something

New

And

Beautiful

To finally
Let go
Of the past

When I was younger, I used to think I was going to be a Star.
Under a spotlight where everyone knew my name...
I was five.

Now, I want shadows and to be as far away as possible.
Hidden and far from consequence,
And even further from myself.
Where my name is not a name,
But just another word without any true meaning.

When I was younger, I used to think I was going to be a Star.
Now, I want to disappear.

I should have jumped overboard when I had the chance.

Pinot is my favorite.
Three glasses later
we talk about our aspirations
and the future.

One more glass
turns into a 180 spin
how have I not become good enough?
I tell you things I want to learn
but you say I should have learned them already.

Another glass in.
you tell me how great I am
but the things I do daily
make me not good enough for you
how does that make sense?

I understand you're older
but there's a thing called balance,
which you refuse to acknowledge.

I curl up with an Ikea pillow
in the guest bedroom,
the closest thing I have for comfort.

I guess I know now
not to ask
why you didn't get me
flowers
on Valentine's Day.

I feel a rush
A need
To jump
Jump back into myself
Like I’m 12 again
Splashing into the Atlantic
For the first time
Letting the saltwater
Overtake my entire soul
Not knowing what pure bliss was
Until that moment

I’m ready to feel that again
No fear
No doubts
Just letting this wave
Take hold of me
And make me
Knowingly better

I lost myself
For a while
But I found me again
With the help
Of others around me
Filling me
With pure beauty
And immense positivity
I feel like I can take on anything


I feel determined
A drive
A sense of self
But more importantly

happy.

you are right for me
in so many
wrong ways

you are wrong for me
in so many
right ways

how do I choose?