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 Apr 2020 Ally Gottesman
Alber
My Son, The Sun,
Lights up a room
Even the darkest corners,
The Sun rises, but also sets,
Too soon,
Too soon.
 Nov 2018 Ally Gottesman
mumu
Evert night at 2 AM
Different poems are written
Different words are scribbled
Different papers are crumpled
But only one thought she had
Yet, word can't help her convey the feelings
"Empty" has much more than herself
"Sad" is not sadder than she thought
"Broken" is more whole than her
"Hurting" ain't just bleeding just like her
And when words can't take the role
It's the blade that play with her
Every cuts has meaning
Everything is her unreleased feeling
Sometimes, words are not enough to tell what we really feel and most words doesn't fit to the emotions we are holding.
Step 1: Get out of bed
Step 2: Look in the mirror
Step 3: Practice your smile
Step 4: Eyedrops to hide the red eyes
Step 5: Conceal the dark circles
Step 6: Breathe
The curtains are almost up
Step 7: Lock down the pain
Step 8: Ignore the weight on your chest
Step 9: Silence the screams inside of your mind
Step 10: Choke down the sobs
Step 11: Ignore the stinging in your eyes
Step 12: Swallow past the tightness in your throat
You’ve put on this show a million times
Step 13: Don’t let them see
Times up. Curtains up. Camera rolling
You know how when you’re not ok but you try so hard to pretend you’re ok that it becomes a ritual
You were my first relationship,
but that's all you were.

You weren't my first kiss,
my first date,
my first dance,
my first time,
my first love,
or the first person
I naively put all of my hope into.

But I'm going to find someone
that will be all of those things for me
and more.


I am so glad it was never you.
Because it’s not terminal,
And statistically curable,
Do I have the right to say I survived?

When it’s all said and done,
And the battle is fought and won,
Will I deserve to be crowned victor
If the trophy was handed to me
Before it had all even begun?


Did I suffer enough to deserve this?
Written the day I was diagnosed with cancer, May 22nd 2017.
Your words repeat with an intent to change,
but all of your actions just stay the same.


- to all of the people who said they were going to treat me better but didn’t
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