All I want is to be warped up in your arms safe and not worried about what the world has to offer.  I want to wake up to your face sound asleep and smile to the fact that your mine.
That funny fact is that I'm so in love with you scares me cause waking up alone is a recurring thing that I don't want it to stay. I want you to stay. I'm not one to look into mirrors and see beauty but with you my mirrors are broken and all I see is you. I still get scared your gonna not want me and not think I'm everything you want in a soul and that's a battle on these long lonely nights. Maybe that's why I feel like I need to become perfect for you when you return to me. I'm boring. And the same. Do you want that forever?

This child was a mistake. I'm sorry daddy might not be there. I've loved him more then life itselfs. But sometimes love isn't enough for some people. Sometimes people can't love even if you steal the sun and the stars for them. Mommy will try her best to give you everything. Mommy won't tell you that daddy left because he wanted more and I was simply not enough. We were simply not enough. Mommy will try not to cry when I look at your face and see him in you. Mommy will tell you it wasn't daddy's fault that he left. I know daddy trys. But it isn't enough anymore. I know you can feel mommy is sad and I'm sorry I'm bringing you into the world broken and on our own. He said he wanted to make things better but things can't ever be the same.

Being with him was like the first day of summer. The sun stays out longer. It's getting hot and you wake up just to go outside and feel that hot sun on your skin. Everything is bright. Kids are off from school screaming and running around playing and just having fun. He was like summer.

Loving him was like fall. The leaves start to change and everything becomes beautiful. Not cold and not hot. Just perfect. Perfect time to sit outside drink hot chocolate and just talk as the pink and blue sky starts to fall into night. I could sit out there forever. He was like fall.

Losing him was like winter. It starts getting dark early and it starts getting cold. No one wants to go outside anymore. Kids aren't outside screaming in laughter. No one wants to go out in the cold and get sick from the brisk dark air. The sun doesn't shine as much. All you want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep. Not move. Wanting that summer and fall feeling again. He was like winter. Losing him was like winter.

I need him I think
But he doesn't need me
He couldn't fall in love with me he said
As I lay in bed tears flow down my face
Why
Why couldn't you?
I love you so much to much
Your like the cold rain, a new song something beautilful
But you don't care
You never did as you flirt and tell her she makes you feel different
What did I make you feel? Nothing?
He can make me feel so good so amazing so so loved by one word
But I never made you feel anything?
Its sad that your all I think about
All I ever wanted
And I can't let you go
But your already gone
And there's no to blame
you make the dark clouds in my mind disappear
But when your gone that's all I ever see
God I'm pathetic
I love a boy who doesn't want me
I love a boy
Who never loved me

I use to be happy
Like when a child opens a gift on Christmas day
I use to smile all the time
Like when a mother sees her new born baby for the first time
I use to laugh
Like when you watch a funny movie  
I use to be different
But heartbreak and pain has changed me
A beautiful yet terrible boy has changed me
I never use to cry myself to sleep
Yet me and my tears say hello to each other every night
I never thought a blue eyed blonde boy could impact my life to the point that if I don't have him
Well I don't want
Anyone
Or anything
I used to think those girls who let a boy ruin there life's were
Well, pathetic
But I'm one of them
I let that beautiful blue eyed boy hurt me in ways I never felt
Those blue eyes
There all I see sometimes
When I'm laying cold in my bed
Cold to the thought of you
I never had such pains in my stomach
It's like I'm falling
And I can't seem to stop
Falling for you
In ways that I never felt before
Come back
Please just come back
Please

"Darling killing yourself is out of the question" she says as she touches her soft red hair
"It will only get better" she says
Walking out of the room her daughters dark room with the radio on ever so softly to the saddest tunes
She can only think about that cold sharp razor she hid under her blanket
People only say it's gonna get better are the people who haven't been though hell and doesn't know what it's like to try and run out of the dark but it keeps on beating you to the finish line.
I guess it's gotten better but has it really?
I'm still that girl that has done nothing with her life and doesn't see it going anywhere
I'm still that girl who lost every friend she ever had after that last school bell
I'm still wanted to lay in my bed all day not out of laziness out of "what's the point"?
What's the point to life, I mean we all are born to die so why can't some of us die sooner?
The moment we are born we start dying and I just can't find something I enjoy enough to make me excited about life.
"Darling you'll find what you're meant to do in life"
Will I?

If family is love the why do we all hate one another?
If you're a father why not stand up for his Daughter?
If that's a marriage then why can't you look at each other?
If your a uncle why hold a grudge on a 10 year old who didn't know better?
If your a grandma why point fingers when you are no better?
If I'm the bad person then this world is ****** cause I'm the one hurting and none of you are not.

I like it when you whisper in my ear
"You like that baby?"
Your hands touch me and I can't help but make sounds of pleasure
The way you grab my hip, push me down and press your lips against mine. Glancing at me with passion as you slip your hands down my pants making me want more. Don't think I don't like when you tease the **** out of me. When you take control and rip my pants off. My legs wrapped around your head begging for more. Taking my hands and grabbing that thick black hair of yours pushing you farther in. Getting you on top of me is like a summer night so hot but you can't go inside and cool off cause that summer heat controls you. I think my way of being ***** is when I breath into your ear and bite ever so softly on it. Although I like you ******* the **** out of me all I want is you in my arms falling asleep with me.

Loving you was like a car wreck in slow motion.
You saw everything through the eyes of someone watching from the outside in.
From the eyes of someone who would never understand.
Loving you was not tasting your mouth, but every word inside of it.
Loving you seemed to be agonizing, like watching  paint dry, expect the paint is made from my blood and my hand is on my chest, trying to keep my heart from falling out of it.
Loving you was the blood from the barely beating ***** seeping between my fingers.
Loving you was when I finally let go and heard it fall onto the ground and the paint finally dried and I was dead.