Under the identical night sky as yours,
I fill my lungs with the sweet smoke,
knowing you're doing the same thing
miles away.
you, the need to fit in,
me, wishing to forget my sins
you, a sense of belonging with your friends,
me, alone, wondering who I became.

through the haze, I see your face.

i can write your name into my skin over and over
but it doesn't matter how many times i translate these feelings into verses
and convert my longing into lines

i can never write myself into your story

I am shocked that I am here.
Look at this flesh, so thin
So pale
So brittle
Like an eggshell- cracked.
It seems so easy to crush
And yet
You'd never guess the blows it has taken
Without crumbling.
I wonder if I'd be respected if my injuries showed on the outside.
I wonder if I'd be feared.
There is a point when pity turns to fear, you know- when the thought is spawned that something SHOULD be dead, and isn't.
A mistrust forms,
An uneasiness.
I feel it sometimes when I look too long into my own eyes in the mirror
And see flashes in their depths: all the silvery memories of pain
Like little fish, like little blades.
I feel disquieted at the notion
That I can hold a sea of suffering
And sigh out only sweetness.
It's not that suffering has sewn no cruelty inside me-
Quite the opposite, it has been a spark caught on the breeze, and something hot and dark
Rages in here nearly all the time.
But only in here.
I have seen too many hurt souls
Hurt others
And I refuse to do the same.
And although it is extraordinary that I am not ground to dust by the blows landed from outside
What I am truly surprised about is that I have not been shattered
From in here.
I am crueler than most people you've met
But only to myself.
Only inside.
I am like a paper lantern-
All flames inside and soft glow out.
And I refuse to hurt you. I refuse to. That is my revenge upon everyone
Who has ever been cruel to me:
It ends here.
Now.
With me.
I will not let it out, not even if it damns me.
I am shocked that I am here.

Must I remember?
The scent of your hair
The shampoo's we share
Life is so unfair

Must I remember?
For the couple shirts we bought
It's embarassing,
we first thought
But we wore it everyday,
for the sake of our plot

Must I remember?
Those seductive eyes?
It got me mesmerized
Like the morning sunrise

Must I remember?
This unskippable beat?
As we rode the street
With your lips on my cheek

Must I remember?
As we walk by the shore
It tickles my core
For the "I Love You" that you swore

Must I remember?
For the dreams that we share?
In the meadows we stare
When you embrace me, I can tell

Must I remember?
When I took the toll?
My tears began to fall
For you are my wall

Must I remember?
The moment you say yes?
For the love I express
I was heavily blessed

Must I remember?
The day you said Goodnight?
As you began your flight
An unforgettable sight

Must I remember it all?
As I stand by your grave?
You wanted me to be brave
But I'm forever a slave
To our love which we engrave

                                                        ­                        *Must I forget you then?

                              Theses memories, are they a burden?

With you now gone, It's all a sudden


                                                       ­         What about these wedding ring?

                                                         ­ I cry eveytime I sing,

                          Your favorite melody

It feeds my anxiety



Now I look upon the sky

                                  I can never comply

                                                      As I invoke my tragic loss

                                                          ­                  *For the Love Without Us

Nowadays I know
That I still exist
Even when you don't say goodnight.