I heard lyrics of  a joyous tune so sweet joyful,
in the same tone heartaches, longings and grief was.
this was my song the tune of life.

the first stanza was sang not by I but her who gave me life,
she alone saw me in my innocence and great vulnerability another author of great songs of life.
in my teenage yrs my song was reckless as now I wished to use my own instruments.
my tune was opposed by my seniors as they said mine was noise.
early adulthood I had mastered my tools of trade and tones, fit for kings streamed from me.
Now an age where most of life pleasures are sour tasteless broth.
All I hear and appreciate are songs of youth when grass smelled green and flowers ever sweet

Am just an ordinary man, whose lows bring down your highs
a true man of soil, who was trained that sorry is an expensive word
a **** of life, a novice in matters of heart and feelings.
I acknowledge my faults and my crevices of character,
all in all my pride rides me down
hope that my dear wife you will understand.

just as a kite tries  to fly without wind,
I feel me disconnected from you as a flash of lightening so quiet without thunder, totally unreal.
before you i thought my self complete,
in my ignorance I felt okay
now  you have come n am jolly, n my alphabet totally complete
hope that my dear wife you know

as days are growing red and grey,
and the cares of life n pressure mount up
if I appear distracted an unresponsive,
giving monosyllabic answers n wearing a grim face,
it's not you my sweet wonderful love
am just dealing with the rawness of life n all that it might and has thrown at me
hope that my dear wife now you know

my hope is that long life n great health be the gift given us by Almighty
an in my endeavors hope at least to meet your life long desires
and in my fulfillment you shall find your contentment
where every evening we shall celebrate with laughter n glowing of our hearts.
in my hope I wishes that my dear wife our journey through life shall accord us more sweet memories

We always looked so happy but I’m starting to realize we never were. Maybe we were lonely and that’s why we said our “i love you”s . Maybe all the words were empty because I know for sure the promises were. This pain can’t be explained. When you love someone so much, it makes you vulnerable. I gave him everything I had. Every hope, every pain, I showed him my entire past, and I welcomed him into my entire future. I gave him so much.. but he gave me just enough to get by. The stupid part is, I still love him more than life. My heart ******* aches with his absence and it will only get worse with time. We could fix this. We could work together and make this better but he isn’t ready. He isn’t ready for anything. Everything I do is with good intentions for him, but where does that leave me? So so so utterly devoted to a man who won’t take a simple risk to save our relationship. He says he doesn’t know who he is and he is still figuring it out, but he knows one thing for sure. He is certain he wants to be with me. Yet how in the **** should I believe that? He changes his mind like the weather. One minute he loves spring and the next he wants to be frozen to the winter floor. But does he realize that whatever he chooses, I will be there too? If he wants flowers and sunshine then that is where we will go. If he wants to freeze in the snow, well then I guess I will be just as cold. He needs his privacy and time to himself. He needs structure and to have rules to follow. He says he want a forever, but he puts no effort into creating one. I want to go with him, no matter where it may be. But it seems to me he would much rather leave on his own. Why can’t he think of me for once. Why does he think it is okay to leave me in this burning hell without him. How is this called love. How dare we smile and pretend things are okay when in reality I can’t even breath. I have given this man so much of my heart and I have look past every odd quirk he has, yet he can’t give me what is best for us both. This relationship was all I had left. These pictures were my favorite. But its all down the drain now. He was my everything, my future. But now all I see in my future is a bottle of clonazepam and a nice warm bath, praying my body liquidizes enough to flow down the drain with all these emotions.

As you cuddle n **** your thumb
my heart melts with joy and am glad,
as you lay in my arms so helpless and innocent
I find you so lovely and irresistible,
all about you reminds me of me when I couldn't remember,
and now I appreciate the level of love my parent have for me

the joy of a child the parent glows with pride for it
all children are angles and parents see their reincarnation
as he grows a father relives his early days ,
when he neither had wisdom or memory,
every mistake every attempt the dad gets to see how he came to be
and his greatest urge "my son to be better than I"
in my child's eye I see the innocence of the world

let you my child learn, let you acknowledge ,
you are my strength and my wisdom.
I see my future bright in you,
i  find my energy revamped in you.
my destiny and fate merge brightly in you
And new ideas new territories i will conquer in you.
my eyes and my strength bring better things in this life