and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

It’s is a rope, with the strongest of fibres
that holds me together and can unthread and tear me apart,
it replaces my bones and makes me limp.
It makes me fold into myself as I walk -
are people staring at me?

Coiling so very tightly
twisting and turning and tying,
tying me up, forcing me to my knees.
Cuts deep into my foundation -
they’ve spread too far.

Rapid breath intakes, sweaty palms
my heartbeat is deafening, faster faster,
punching through my chest as I walk down the street.
I just need to get to the end
yet I always fail and f  a  i  l  more.


Trying not to let my weak body collapse me.
trying not the let the sheets smother me.
trying not the let the rocks squash me.
trying not to let the fingers strangle me.
trying not to let the words define me.


It’s like a ***** that holds my world together
there not point trying to look, you cant find it,
yet when I’m in public it comes loose.
I prepare to run as
the sky crumbles around me.

The ***** is so small you cannot tell it lay inside me
it’s so delicate so don’t look at me closely,
or you can see it in the twiddling in my fingers.
The dilated pupils and panicked expression.
Choose. Fight or flight?

I bite my lip so hard it starts to bleed
trying to keep it inside and hidden as to keep it a secret,
it’s like a wave trying to break towards the shore.
Like somehow, it’s never going to stop
*so I keep sinking and sinking and nobody can tell.

This is a long poem, but well worth
the time, you'll find.

Marjorie picks up the phone,
She's quite sure that she's alone.
Punches in her "good friend's" number,
She's excited... it's no wonder!
Something naughty to convey,
Can't wait to tell, can't wait to say!
"Hello, Sally? Yeah... it's me!
I'm at the window, and guess what I see!
You know that ***** across the way?
She's with another man today!
Hannah's hubby, right next door.
Can you believe that little *****?!!
I'm telling you cuz I'm your friend
This wicked business has to end!
Wait a minute... there they go!
They're leaving! And I'll bet you know
Where they're headed, oh, you bet...

... a motel room is what they'll get!

-chorus-
Juicy fruit spills from the lips.
Open mouth, and out it slips.
Sweet as strychnine to the tongue
Where the poison apple's hung.
If you have nothin' nice to say,
We're all ears! Come our way!
There's a tale to be told,
Don't matter if you're young or old,
It's a secret on the block...

... if it's scandalous let's TALK!!!

Sally Jo hangs up her cell,
Calls a good "friend" as well!
"Hello, Jane, just talked to Marge,
Got some news, and it is LARGE!
You know that harlot up the street?
You'll never guess her latest meet!
Hannah's hubby! Oh, gee ****!
Can't BELIEVE this awful biz!
Marge told me, it can't be wrong,
They were KISSING on the lawn!
Then they drove off in his car...
They weren't going very far!
No-Tel Motel's where they're at.
Whatcha expect from an alley cat
Hannah's gonna flip her lid...

... I won't tell, so keep it hid...

-chorus-

The story spread around, of course.
Hannah's filing for divorce.
Then her hubby lost his job...

... as PASTOR of a CHURCH OF GOD

And the "*****"? Well. She died.
She committed suicide.

The REAL story was quite sad,
And I hope it makes you mad.
"Harlot's" son... he needed pills.
Guess no one knew that he was ill.
She wasn't goin' very far...

... and her pastor had a car.

Who's the culprit? Who's to blame?
Guess we all know her name.
Who's to count the tragic cost?
How many lives that lie had lost!
Her little boy went 'round the bend.
An alcoholic in the end.

The tongue can be a thing of praise,
Or ignite a mighty blaze!
So check you heart and check your mouth,
Make sure that it's not headin' south.
Kindness is joy in age or youth...

... you reap what you sow, and THAT'S the TRUTH!!!


Soul Survivor
Catherine Jarvis
(C) July 5, 2010

A lost, dark star
Resisting the relentless pull of a black hole,
Taking, draining, breaking,
Its light could not escape.

Approaching the Event Horizon
A high-energy collision;
Caught in the gravitational pull
Of another, kindred star.

An expanding universe
Unleashing the power of creation.
Darkness recedes, banished,
Twin suns shimmer, renewed, rebirthed

This is us; you are the star that saved me,
The universe blazes with innumerable others,
Your light outshines them all.

Sadness without a reason is the worst because how do you solve a problem without a cause?