Live like an unappreciated stranger
in your own house.
Become the careless talk at family dinners
about the disappointing child
and pretend like it was all a joke
and slowly lose yourself with every
echo of drunken laughter.
Look into the eyes of someone you love
and realize how you can't feel anything
other than dread.
Become the lustful thoughts of someone
you can't love
and watch them cut themselves
into pieces for you, when
in the end
all you can say is a pitiful "thank you,
but I'd rather be a lonely wreck
drifting across the sea."
Ask yourself to be found
in a map with no direction
and with nothing but your
faulty heart to guide you away
from home.
Pretend like the music
disappears into the background
of the screenplay your life has become
and the screen slowly turning black.
Find the dread
in your own heartbeat.
Take off your clothes
and see how you sewed every misgiving
into your skin like a story you
never want forgotten
and marvel at how bad your stitching is-
can't even hold yourself together.
Hear the sound of the rain
and wonder why
the grey clouds of your heart
never go away with the same.
I feel like ****.
And physics is turning my head around.