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No one’s ever made me feel quite this way
You melted my heart from miles away,
The melodies my heartstrings now play
Just makes me sway night and day.

Your laugh, your energy, your smile
I wish it could be bottled in a vial.
Missing you and the next time we dial,
I’ve never felt this way, wild!

Though we’re kilometres apart my sweet girl
How I wish we could twist and twirl,
Not a single care in the whole wide world.
I miss my dear girlfriend so much, the pandemic ***** *****. Babe, this is for you!
Mar 16 · 267
Intan Payung
She means a whole lot to some people,
Maybe not so much to others but
then again, this heart doesn’t fancy
her to be too sought after!

She’s many things. Pleasant? Yes.
Charming? Definitely. Straightforward? I must hope so. But most of all,
she takes everything in her stride, albeit shakily.
It joys me the slightest seeing her
flustered when making decisions,
But never will I laugh at any.
After all, I am one of them!

She shares some interests of mine
Doesn’t understand the rest, though...
It’s fine, nevertheless, because we
don’t always have to be on the same page,
Suffice that we’re in this at the same pace.

As Billy Joel brilliantly said,
“She’s always a woman to me,”
Well, I’m glad she’s my woman.
This goes out to my brilliant and lovely girlfriend. I hope you know how much I care about and appreciate you, babe!
Oct 2020 · 277
Peculiarity
We tend to be self-destructive
And for what do we owe that to?
For whom and what reasons,
Do we rip these parts of ourselves,
Trying to piece it in the oddest of places, when so glaringly obvious
that they don't belong?

We cry endless oceans of tears
Drowning in them, bizarrely,
For our own indulgence! But
at the same time, we're
thrashing in the currents,
Praying for dry land while
also surrendering all hope.
We're all honestly just trying to survive another day, no?
Oct 2020 · 250
To boldly go.
Are you familiar with that feeling?
The one you get when you finish a good book,
Or when your favourite TV series ends?
Or even, when one chapter of your life closes,
And you have to step through the threshold of a new page?

Well that threshold, for me
Has always been a great towering wall.
I'd always have the means to climb,
But never will I want to or feel like I should.
It seems that I'm needlessly clutching at straws,
While the guns of change point to my temples, drawn.

Somehow, I eventually had to scale through the fears,
And just nick a few pieces from every threshold I pass.
You know, when days are looking pretty cloudy ahead,
I'll just reach in my pocket and look at them
To see how much has moved, and smile.
I just realised that it's reached that point where I have to cross again.
Aug 2020 · 222
Tingle & Calm
You're always stuck in my mind
Like an endless catchy jingle,
When the stars have all aligned
Love and fate start to mingle.
This fool's heart tingles and softens,
A chaos of large proportions.

Somehow you're also the calm
Surely arriving as seas rush to shore,
You got me in that cute palm
Gently nuzzle my heart like never before,
The serenity, the lull of your grin
Takes me to places I've never been.

Take me back, the seat you left is still warm
One more time, I want to dance in your storm.
I feel weirdly warm and dumb. Huh.
Aug 2020 · 147
Human
The hoots of an owl petrify me
Haunting memories of a blighted life,
A thousand and one nights of enigma,
An existence plagued with uncertainty
And a thousand masks abandoned.
Confused with every reflection I see.

Though they all look similar,
None of them felt perfectly poised.
For the mold that grows under
Rots as time takes its tearful toll.
Primal instincts screaming to be heard
While soft pats tries granting it solace.

But alas, albeit raised by a wolf,
Romulus and Remus too, were naturally human.
I am just so confused with myself, what it wants and needs. I don't even know who I am anymore sometimes, and that's okay.
Jun 2020 · 698
I,carus
Oh you fickle being, you.
Always one to never shy away
From opportunities of affection
To spread your wings and take flight.
But sadly,
You soared too high every time
Always too close to the sun
And spiralling down you go
Into the bottomless pit below.
Why am I the way I am?
Apr 2020 · 169
Seclusion Thoughts
To not know where's the finish line,
But we swear, we're doing absolutely fine.
At least, we're trying hard this time
To reflect upon the nature of our crimes.

The times we laughed and hugged
Laughed madly as though we're drugged,
And the times we sung of our exploits
To friends' banter that never disappoint.

Lest we forget, times we roamed freely
But failed to enjoy the universe's glory,
Oh the times we're at mamaks watching football
While enjoying roti canai with a side of dhal.

It was small, and as all small things are,
They're always missing from our repertoire.
I'll be sure, the next time we're in luck,
The tighter I'll hold on to every last hug.
Let us all rise stronger from this pandemic!
Feb 2020 · 211
Love, Me.
Today, I saw a reflection in the mirror.
It looked the same as always, but
somehow in a different light,
And I can't comprehend what's distinct,
But I'm enjoying what I see.
That's a first. An amazingly obscene first.
He grinned, he blushed, into a laughter he burst.

About time I enjoyed his company.
This should be a daily repertoire,
After all those days of nuit noire,
Pirouetting in my own storm with him.
He smiled again, with the
most sincere eyes, and before I went
he said:
"We should do this more often!"
I have been struggling to love myself for the longest time and I know many people have too. It's easy to hate yourself and say a lot of degrading things, but it takes a lot to hug the only person who's been there with you every step of the way: yourself! Here's to making peace with yourself and loving the reflection you see in the mirror every single day!
Jan 2020 · 183
Shifting Like the Tides
A sin is normally followed by two.
Two palms angled towards the sky,
Twice more times it's repeated in lieu,
Such are us, fledglings who cry and try.

He is all-forgiving, He is kind.
Many a time eyes bright but too blind,
To ask to plead to leave it all behind,
All the while saying 'This is where I draw the line'.

Why should faces shy away, be hidden?
Hesitance, to ask and be forgiven,
Often is done at the hour of eleven,
How i feel so far away from Heaven.
I don't normally write spititual pieces but I've been holding on to this for a long time. We're all battling our inner selves in a constant war between good & evil, and it's fair to feel like you're losing sometimes, such is the journey of self-discovery. What's important is to never give in, and find that fine balance that keeps you in check and sane, for the most part.
Jan 2020 · 192
Open Book
I remember she once told me
that I'm an open book,
All the minute details, intricate
pieces, dishevelled as may be,
Are free to be read and understood.

What a shame that I found
its pages of stories torn to pieces,
Like shattered glass but
worse, now all the words and tales
are jumbled all over the floor.

It's okay, luckily I've got enough tape
to fix and stick the pieces back,
To rearrange the sentences again.
Pray, the pages are in mint condition,
For the next lovely soul to see.
I'm eternally thankful i have good people around me, and i can safely say i'm doing a little bit better. Here's to moving forward, and only forwards.
Dec 2019 · 306
Again? Again.
Never thought I'd be here again
After all that's been said & done
I should already get used to the pain
After all, this isn't ******* day one.

You may think that it's all a joke
Yeah we're all laughing, funny!
When what's left are screams that choke,
While you're there thinking skies are sunny.

I want to scream, I want to shout
I want to ******* cry my heart out,
But I know.

You'll just be giggling, without a doubt.
**** this love **** man. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, **** this ****.
Nov 2019 · 164
Looking Forward
Unexpected, as unexpected may be,
A breath of fresh air that soothes me,
This pulsing flesh had long yearned to see,
A fair maiden, no one fairer than she,
For her many expressions hold the sacred key.

Oh for you dear, I'd outwork the bees.
Shall I say "Je t'aime" or forever hold my peace?
Her lingering voice, soft to the touch as fleece.
You ought to know, at the very least,
The world I would give, for you my Miss.
Oct 2019 · 223
Joy
Joy
The sky was dark, rain was pouring
I'm already here and it's so boring
Fresh faces are all around me
Please help me God, I am drowning!

A million pair of eyes were staring,
Followed by millions of voices screaming
As i walked down the dark hallways,
"I can't do this" i hear myself saying.

The clock goes 'tick-tock' as i walked the blocks,
Through days of laughter and also shock
The dark clouds lifted and there was light
I found a new home, that needs no lock.

The sky is blue and the sun is shining
I'm sad to go, wow that's surprising!
Thank you for all the bright colours,
My sunshine and flowers, keep on blooming.
Here's to my SMK Seksyen 9 students. The practicum was one of the best experience i've ever had in my life. I thank God for crossing our paths together. I'm so glad i met all of you and i hope that we will see each other again soon!
Apr 2019 · 303
Weird Heart
The heart's quite a peculiar business huh?
Flushing faces red at the closest convenience,
Beating like mad in that bony enclosure,
So sure that it'll cure yesterday's fissure?

When I say the heart's craft is unusual
Remember the times you rubbished romance?
Look at you now, all smitten and smug,
Forgotten that you once ran out of luck.

That pumping ticker is a cause for conundrum,
Never once thought it's calamitous cavity filled
Used to look at the gaps between my fingers,
Now it's where your slender digits linger.

It's mad how a lump of flesh acts so bizarre,
Where the red doors were once mauled mush,
Stands someone so special, she's salient,
The only medication needed for my ailment.
Jan 2019 · 419
Thoughts?
If you ask me, there's
a concrete reason
As to why the saying,
"Heads over heels"
is correct in every way possible.

You fall, and fall hard.
Till it's almost impossible to get up again.
One astray Jenga block pulled,
Bam.
Down toppling you go. You lose.
******* hell.
Dec 2018 · 340
Tell Me How
How does it feel?
To have made one's queen bed
only to have them
not come home?
To only tell you
they've slept in
a king bed last night?

How, does it feel,
To have brought
an umbrella for one
only to see them
under another's roof?
Joyously sipping hot tea?

How? How does it feel?
Tell me how.
Because I'm unfamiliar with it.
Nov 2018 · 386
I Hate(?) It
I hate your big, gummy smile,
The way I hate Tesco's cereal aisle.

And I'll always love that grainy lane.
Even on days when it looks so plain.

But seriously,
I loathe your gummy grin,
The way I loathe that cereal lane.
*SIGH*
Oct 2018 · 367
Hello?
Oh dear, knock on my door,
Check if anyone's home.
Ignore the "Closed" sign,
Just stride right inside.
I'll wipe my half-dried eyes
and embrace you again.
Diluted dregs, I'll mix anew,
A full cup you'll have, in lieu.
Have a sip, lift that sour frown,
I promise you'll be safe & sound.

Knock on my door, oh dear,
I'm always idle here.
Sep 2018 · 288
A Toast to the Future
To the next person I decide
to pour my heart's content to,

Know that you won't be Jon Snow,
Who knows nothing.

Know that I don't hate sand,
And love all, not just the men, but the women and children too.

Know that when I say "I don't freeze",
I always will at the sight of you.

Know that the only thing I can promise,
Is honesty, as the most dishonest Stinson did when he married.

And above all that,
Know that I'll be me.
My most genuine self.
Because that's who you chose to be with.
Here's to my future significant other, whoever or wherever she is, hoping that she'd accept me for the person I am, as will I for her.
Aug 2018 · 298
Frustration
It's so **** confusing,
The puzzle is complete
but a piece is missing.
Where'd it go?

It's there, right there!
But no, that isn't it!
The grooves don't fit!
It's leaves me irate!

In a furious fit,
The puzzle is scrambled.
Back to square one!
When will this piece be done?!
Jul 2018 · 4.3k
Peeks/Questions
All I am asking you for
is a hint to your metaphors,
What's written on the papers you tore,
'Cause I always seem to want more
All of them, even neithers and nors.

Another thing I want to enquire,
If you're in a place that's oh so dire,
and need a shrink who's free to hire,
Any work I have, meh, I will retire!
To spur you on, all humour & satire.

If you give me but a glimpse into your world,
Cross my heart I'll show you mine unfurled.
I was neck-deep into this person, she already knows how i feel. It's been a few years now since my confession, and i've moved on from her. We're still friends and i hope she'll always be happy, so here's a piece to always remember her by. To R.
May 2018 · 526
I and He
Drowning I
in a vast ocean,
Thrashing arms
helplessly for help.

Deep it is, oh yes.

Words of caution?
Unheeded.
Ridiculed.
Unfazed,
by the depths.

Then came He.
And who but He?
Threw in
a forgiving boat.

Gracious is He, to all.

Gratefully I got
upon the boat. Safe.
For but a split second.
And dived, I, into
the depths again.

Condemned.
To drown for life.
For my inept self, remorselessly repeating the same vices over and over again.
May 2018 · 339
Cherrypicking
It feels weird, that
I could cherrypick
what to and
what not to remember,
Some things, you
just completely dismiss
till someone says,
"Remember when.."
Then out comes the
flushed memories, idling...
But others?
You can't even scoop out
from that bowl of a head,
Even with a sharpened,
heated spoon.
Maybe it is true, that remembering is both a curse and also a blessing
Mar 2018 · 405
Good Night
Gift me a carton
of cigarettes, so I
can blow away today's
bitterness along with
the crude whiff of smoke.

Turn the fan off
on a hot night for me,
So my sweat and tears
would mix, in a
salty sea of sorrow.

If you can't do none
of those simply tell me,
"Good night", and,
"You deserve to feel,
every once in a while."
Dec 2017 · 332
Happy New Year
Hello,
I'm fed up of all your bellows,
Everybody wants to see you go,
Please drown, you crazy **,
Can't wait to shove you down below.

Hi,
I'm tired of all the goodbyes
and countless times I can't buy,
Please don't hand me a 2-ply,
Later when you do die.

Hey,
I'm sick of the sad songs you play,
Leave some gifts, if you may,
Then, be on your ****** way,
your welcome is long overstayed.
Here's to everyone, enjoy a blessed 2018 that's to come!
Nov 2017 · 315
Let The Rain Fall
Just let the rain fall,
No, I refuse to be hidden
under an umbrella,
Just let it fall,
So I can feel alive again.

Just let the rain fall,
No, I wont beg the Sun
to come and smile again,
Just let it fall,
So I can feel the shivering cold.

Just let the rain fall,
No, I refuse to go
inside for the time being,
Just,
Let it fall.
So that I can drown
All of my sorrows,
In heaven's tears.
I'm unsure whether or not and I can't tell.
Nov 2017 · 339
Vividly Blurry
It was the best thing
that ever happened.
It was amazing, the way
she talked and looked.
Michael Bublé's "The Way You Look Tonight" was,
In many ways right.
It was overwhelming how
vivid and blurry things were,
How clear she looked and
how blurry whatever it is
she collected near her window,
How soothing the music was but
unclear as to what it was,
It was surreal.

And as the clock strikes to whatever
time it was, I shuddered.
I looked around,
and saw my room.
It was, but another dream.
I don't know how many times it's happened and I don't know if it's good or bad, all I know was that things were as vivid as they were blurry.
Oct 2017 · 258
Hyperhidrosis
My palms, they're almost
always sweaty.
I can't seem to recall
the last time they're dry.

All I can reminisce is
All the time things slip.
Toys, when I was small,
My mother's hands when
she sent me to kindergarten,
Pencils and pens when
I'm in school,
The steering wheel even,
When I'm driving.

It just hits me real hard.
How things, just,
Slip away, that easily.
Sometimes you just got to admit the fact, that some things are meant to be let go. Forever.
Oct 2017 · 233
Time's a Bitch
Years pass by
like how weekends go,
As Sunday bids goodbye,
Monday jeerfully comes along.
People eventually,
They eventually come and go,
Some forever, while others
make it seem like forever.

And for all that is to say,
Nothing has been said,
As time, the red-handed villain
continues to run,
Run free—wreaking spruced ruins in its wake.
Sep 2017 · 356
Fatal Desires
How do I let go,
How do I forget?
Deeds that stoop low,
Desires that need be met?

Head, you should have known,
Hand, you should forget,
One day shall it be shown,
Could I have been saved yet?

Lust is but a smoke,
Not one I that could blow,
Sinful is this bloke,
I pray this soon will go.
I want to stop so badly but maybe not badly enough, tragically.
Jul 2017 · 235
Griefs
A rotting pile of flesh,
Heavy downpour on damp soils,
A stone marked with hammer and chisel,
Families sniffling to wet handkerchiefs,
With critters down under,
awaiting to prey.
And a soul is laid to rest,
After the stormy haze that is life.

No, I don't want to die alone.
Jun 2017 · 513
Ma chérie,
As silky as your palms feel,
And these feelings I can never shield,
All the castles in clouds that we can build,
Like we always have the time to ****.

I'd love to enjoy you in waves,
The only kind of saltiness I crave,
An arm and a leg would I have gave,
Even when they say I'm in a self-dug grave.

Drown me so in your pool of eyes,
For I know those maelstroms hold no lies,
Staring at them, as I smile and sigh,
Oh how I wish they would never shed a tear and cry.
I'm catching feelings for you, sigh
Jun 2017 · 597
Cold Shower
Sometimes when I bathe,
I wish that the cold, running
water can seep right through,
And put out the ember
that sizzles for acceptance.

And when I look at
the foggy mirror right after,
An unexplained angst
overpowers myself,
Yet, it's unfathomed as to why.

And when the warm hug of
a towel envelops me,
Half my heart hopes
that it could dry the still running tears
of yesterday, too.

And when I put on a crisp
clean shirt,
Then lie on the bed,
I close my eyes, and say,
"It'll be if He says it is to be".
Jun 2017 · 780
What are deeds
For one sin, you
knelt, you wept and
promised no recurrences,
You told Him,
You've had enough.

But you wake up
the next morning, and
put on the same shirt with
stains of yesterday,
Though you scrubbed it till
your hands blister.

Promises of purity are sweet,
But the vices you dabble in,
They're decadent.
And thus you indulge,
Ravenously.
A note of remembrance to myself, and us all.
May 2017 · 1.4k
She, Ghost.
Would you believe me,
If I told you,
That I'm in love with a ghost?
She who knocks on
pulsating, red doors,
But absent when I open them?

Yes, I'm deeply in love,
With an ethereal figure
who leaves her front door ajar,
And puts a huge "Welcome!" sign there,
But expects no guests.

Yes, she's a gentle specter,
Whose intangible fingers
****** my cheeks,
But when I reach out
to her, all my fingers grasp is thin air.
And I, left, derided with vanity.
A side note to someone I love.
May 2017 · 470
Believe
There will be a day when
the storm will recede,
A day where the lucky stars,
They finally notice you
And grin, like a toddler
who receives his first gift.

The day will also come
when the summer wind,
Gently blows away frostbites
of last winter's doing.

And trust me when I say,
The seeds you sown in
that barren field,
They'll bloom,
into the most beautiful flower bed.
And all these happened, because you believed.
May 2017 · 1.3k
Is it worth?
Is it worth sketching
An alluring portrait,
That will catch the eye of many,
Except for the person portrayed?

Is it worth making
a steaming cup of tea,
On a cold rainy day
for a guest who is
more eager to stay outside?

And tell me,
Is it worth it if I
were to light a candle,
For a dead man's birthday cake?

— The End —