it’s been a long cold winter
and only a month since I saw you last
my eyes stay wet
I lie and say it’s **** or the weather
nothing keeps me warm like you did

the feeling of rot, the broken glass, the feeling of lead, it doesn’t pass. I am sinking and the air in my lungs leaves me, but all I can think is that once during a good summer we fished here. I held the bucket and you cast the line and like the fish fell off the hook you left

soon I will pay to make the feelings stop

i am sorry but my bones will always love you like hell, like it was war, like the world needs to end in the process, like the hand of god, taking you out of my ribs and now he needs to return it back where it rightfully belong. i will always love you, in godless sacrilege. i am sorry if i don’t know any other way.

i can never love you the way i claim — delicately and without violence. i remember hating flowers and broken seashells, and my grandmother, hand-sewing pastel dresses. deep down, my bones are raised on stories of ancient wars and biblical battles carried from memory to memory, a string of generational blunders — i am made of my father's bitterness and my mother's denial. so i will love you with corruptions and apologies, with bled-out  veins, giving in like an emptied river, with all the poems i have read and forgotten, and with everything that makes me finitely human.

she is everything
godly radiance
her warmth envelops me
stabbing
piercing through

within her light
I am known
but I am burning
desecrated, yet blessed by the flames
too close, and yet too far away?

amalgamated I fall
melted wax
feathers
flesh
idiocy

  it feels divine