No matter how hard I try, your negativity always comes back to me somehow.  
It's so overwhelming, damning.
I just wish you would ******* move on already.
Let me go. Set me free.
Not just for me, but for you--for her.

I told the love of my life
That I was pregnant with his child
But lost it
And he said 'oh really?'
And just continued on
His world, un-shattered

I lost the love of my life
I thought that he loved me back
But he didn't
And honestly I couldn't be happier
This time, I've continued on
My world, un-shattered

but in the end
i will never be
as alone as
i was with you.

What do you do
When all of it
Suddenly means nothing
but you have to
keep trying

Tonight, I spoke into the darkness,
No stars to light my way,
       The black void all encompassing

   My words drifting up in ribbons,
          I waited for something, anything to happen

              I felt a rumble that was akin to ripples emanating from a drop of water hitting a puddle

        I was small next to the impossible,
And when it spoke back, it changed me
      
        The blank canvas of stark black was pierced by blades of light,
    The sky becoming a shutter in a rain storm
           Blowing open and closed
       The words came and wrapped themselves across my body in its entirety
        Constricting my air flow

             I felt myself shatter
  An implosion of feeble glass
       Ricocheting through a skeleton of paper, reflecting the brightness above inside ripped skin

                I was nothing.
                I didn't exist.
                I floated in an incomprehensible place that had no end, no walls

     No ceiling or floor

            Just illumination in every direction

                    I opened my eyes
  
    And was blinded by an incredible radiance

      I shut my eyes tight and swatted in front of me
        My hand struck something metal and I yelped in pain
          
          I shot up and stared downward
    Towards the desklamp unplugged on the floor
        
          Breathing heavily, I sat upright in my bed,
                 *Struggling to pull away words that had already sunken in

like swallowing a bullet,
the anger builds in my head and face
forcing itself up and out
out away distant
i need it gone, I need it g o n e
the disrespect - the amount of blatant disregard
suddenly, my head is spinning
and I’m right back in that moment.
that moment when you threw the table.
that moment when you told me
you didn’t want me any more, like I’m trash.
that you ****** her, so suddenly after leaving
But, “it was never your* intention to hurt me”
You told her you love her and
Never meant it more in your life.
I’m relapse to welcoming death,
and let the anger control me again.
in that moment,
all i want, all i need
something quick and permanent
like swallowing a bullet.