I can't think straight, can't focus.
All I think, dream, breathe, is you.
I think about us enough for you too,
that's probably why you don't.
It's amazing how miserable I was with you.
Even more amazing how miserable I am without you.
I'm torn between never wanting to see your face,
and never wanting to see anything else but that.

when the sun's out it's still dark
when the moon is up it's natural.
i feel normal.
tried so many things to make it light again
but all it does is cause storms.

nothing more, so much less.
the 18th year, to the date
is approaching.
I cannot bear the thought of myself
as anything more than a being.
I have accomplished nothing,
and lack the desire to do.
the 18th year and I am still
nothing.

are we dying to be skinny,
or are we dying,
to be skinny.

Smoke too many cigarettes;
Turning your lungs black,
Filling your body with poison.
Sick to the stomach.
Thinking too much;
Not thinking enough.
It leaves you feeling
that little bit more,
As you fall to the floor,
Counting steps,
No feeling in my legs.

Knowing that you are
killing yourself.
Too tired to care.

The adrenaline gets you high,
Like a muffled buzzing noise
in your ears
And bleeding in your brain.

They tell me it's expensive suicide,
But I just want to feel alive
Have some substance
to my life.

To be able to feel
the wind in my hair,
And rain
pouring down my face.
Because at night
That's what is keeping me safe .