Step step drip drip
Flowing falling catching calling
Leaving seeing, end of meaning

the silence at night,
when the house is quiet
and i have not spoken in hours,
overwhelms my mind

and i have to fight to convince myself i exist
when there is no one to acknowledge my existence
no voice to break the silence
no laughter to fill the empty space

It is as if I had been swimming along a river all my life, guided by the banks
when I was suddenly thrown into the ocean without a shore to lead me.
And the vast unknown is unsettling, wide, and deep.

I forget that I can swim.
Or perhaps I am tossed by currents I did not know existed.

And on days, I even forget that it is in fact the water that keeps me alive,
and I feel that I am drowning, searching for air.

hope is a double edged sword
it keeps you alive
as you bleed out
from a thousand cuts

how do you dream
when failure crowds your vision

i can’t find what i’m looking for
i want this loneliness to go away

i can’t find who i am looking for
please make this loneliness disappear

the white flower
perfection dancing in the wind
peel back the petals
it’s rotting underneath

beg
beg for it to disappear
a hollow cry no one will hear

tear at the roots
dig into the molding leaves and sunken earth
to grasp at the core

your hands pull up something
they pull up nothing

you will not find what you are looking for here

If there is one thing
I know with any certainty,
It is that I will find my way.

Predictions tell me that the road
will be entangled with thorns,
scratches along the skin.
Some cut deeper than others
piercing, aching
impossible to remove.

I will find my way.

Along the path
the air will be heavy at times.
Smoke, thick and dark
covering, obscuring.
Breathe carefully,
it can be fatal.

I will find my way.

Rivers winding
among the trees,
faint lines of water.
Thundering bodies, overpowering.
Wait for them to die down,
or beg for a lifeline to grasp unto.

I will find my way.

There may be fields
of open grass,
green, bright and joyful,
golden, gentle and peaceful.
Sit a moment, enjoy.
Stay not too long.

I will find my way.

Night will creep in
from time to time
Long, dark, suffocating.
I pray the moon will guide me,
quietly, consistently.

Day will burst in
moving too quickly
Blinding, chaotic, relentless.
I pray the sun will be merciful,
lightly, comforting.

If there is one thing
I know with any certainty
through the long and rapid years,
I will find my way.