Late night texts
Sleepy eyes
Small smiles
Butterflies

Stolen moments
Held inside
Beating heart
Stupefied

~

Left alone
Tear filled eyes
Chapped lips
Scarred thighs

Empty promises
Cast aside
Broken heart
Terrified

~j.l.

Do you still love him she asked?
Yes my mind screamed
I could not meet her eyes
So I stared into my food
Toying with it
Carving your name in it
Can you forget him she pressed on sipping on coffee
I secretly wished it would scald her tongue
No I cant
The more I try to forget
The more I remember
Was it because I still loved you
Or was it because of the mistakes I made
Unintentionally
Unstable
Had no ground to stand on
Mistakes I cant undo
Mistakes I cant fix
Mistakes I cant walk away from
I still carry the weight of them
Heavy from guilt pain and confusion
Its caged up in my chest
But some day that will break
Skin and brittle bones are not enough to hold everything in
I sleep with the pain
Wake up to it
Tried to embrace it with words of wisdom
Smother it with distractions
Heal it with time
But everything failed
The cage will break
Everything will come
But will I find peace in the end?

In 2019,
I want more.

Want more sunrises
More rolling out of bed with a purpose

More afternoons curled in a love seat

I want a garden
inside me and in my backyard

More friends
More nuzzles from dogs

More oceans

More allowance to make mistakes
After all, you were brave enough to try.

More stillness
More belly laughs
More love letters

More sway in my hips
Cool breeze on my lips

More looking in the mirror to see my smile
not the width of my thighs

More finding shapes in the clouds

More moments that leave me breathless

More life
All the painfully messy beautifully chaotic morsels
dripping from my chin

In 2019,
I want more.