I’ve got it in my head,
that haunted word shed.

To eat that strength
And grow social buffer length.

But instead I medicate,
Hide amongst what I create.

But what’s the point of camouflage
When trauma’s lacking triage.

I’m probably just being dramatic
And should keep these thoughts in my ego attic.

“Be happy!” They zealously scream
From spittle flecked mouths
Like it’s so bad to be unhappy.
Happiness, contentedness
Stagnation.

Tell me why I should seek what’s above happiness
Transcend comfort or reject contentment’s gravity
Resign to your fate of obscure averageness?

I miss the woman I lost
I regret the opportunities missed
I lament my poor decisions
So I won’t do it again.

Like the sun’s drop into the reflected
Ocean horizon
I submerge into the filth
Of corporate greed
I maintain separation, but from your beach
Appearances can be decieving.

From height, the bottom is abyss
But I have seen into it
And I have become it
And my hands no longer appear before me.

As if there was ever any purpose, anyway.

There’s a word stuck in my hand
Like a song in the brain
Or bathing suit sand.

So I write out all I can think
All that feel close anyway
But every attempt just makes it sink.

So don’t mind me if I sound craz-ee
Because I’m not okay, and that’s normal
Or at least it seems to be for me.

Was i a stepping
stone? A little r
                            o
                             c
                           k
                             to get where you
                        are now? Perhaps
                        that must have been
                        fun...
                             ­                                 Maybe our definition
                                                      ­        of fun do not compare
                                                         ­     to be the same now -
                                                                ­                                                          
I used to have fun when
you would be around,
maybe for you too...
but not in the same
way that I found.

It’s hilarious how profound
We think we are, astounding
The masses with our slick
Rhyme and meter shtick.