The small space
People place

Like little things
Easy understanding

But you are more.

I did not conquer you,
If that’s even possible,
I just moved through
Your defense with nibbles
And whispered words like morning dew.

You took me seriously
But laughed at the right times
And I fell from winter easily
To your summer of sweet wine
And love’s epiphany.

Your scent drew me in
Forgive me this clichè
Which I could not keep within
For I am still waiting for the day
We meet and commit sin.

Should your heart be sliced
And veins fill with ice.
Fall not before the myth of vice
Lest your hopes be destroyed twice.

For drugs, lust, and sloth
Merely leave you empty.
It is only like the froth
Atop the waves of emotion let free.

Lightning and ants
In limbs and in mind.
Like fire up the spine
Or aforementioned bugs in pants.
I’ve got no chill
No glass left fill.
It’s like this need to dance
Electric shock
A tick with no tock.
But reality won’t grant
The end to need
Or greed
The root to plant.

1am, your floppy hair, freshmen on the dorm floor
debating theology as if we knew what it was
and i saw your mind, but i also saw something more

and i saw you all over
in colorful flowers, sunny days, old churches
i heard your voice
while watching anime or listening to tales of ole'
and sometimes even when i sat alone

your endless search for perfection intimidated me 
building up a dream of a woman
i'm not sure either of us will ever meet
and i wasn't her
i knew i never would be

but i remained in your orbit nonetheless
desperately compartmentalizing my heart from my head
as if friendship was enough
as if i wasn't in love

and i wrote about you anyway
as if our story could end happily
rain boots dancing in a puddle
a jubilee of you and me

when i finally said the words to you
i made them so much smaller
"i have feelings"
the confession of a coward

and as you answered my exclamation with a question mark
i retreated
maybe friendship is enough
maybe i'm not in love 

you wanted to know you meant something
but i kept my breaking heart to myself
trying to salvage what we were
hoping my declaration hadn't destroyed it 

but i was destroyed
and i had been so good at hiding it all away
that i still sometimes find another broken piece
the remnants of rejection
the love i can't quite extinguish

If I could somehow say
What I’ve been made
I’d force the day
That taught my brain
To fear the gray.

You, the royal you
Of that soft goo,
A small review,
Of will renew
With darkness true.

I see strong signs
Of empty mines
Or growing grime
And forced resign
I’m brined in whine.

The fact that I haven’t up and left
This life with violence
Is a miracle in itself, with
All the loneliness and
Pressure to succeed, that, need to be
Free, but missing connection
And longing for love while feeling
So shunned by society.
I foolishly look back on old flames
As if their game’s not been played
As if my fat, disgusting form would
Be acceptable, much less
Desirable. Even my mother
Doesn’t think I could be loved.