my sadness feels like
i'm swallowing sea water -
every gulp down my throat is a step closer to
dehydration
sinking to the bottom
no flotation
lacking foundation
my sadness feels like
vomiting frustrations
stagnation -
my sadness feels like stagnation.
sensations of vibrations
surround me but do not reach
my hands
or any part of me for that matter.
I see it -
i know its there
the energy is flowing in the air
a devious glare - i swear
i stare
and stay aware that this
illness
does more than impair - it's unfair , really.
My sadness feels like everything around me is dead -
i know its really in my head but
i look at the evening sky and see not
yellows and reds but
grays instead -
i used to imbed the colors into my
brain but lately its been filled with
tar - seeping into unhealed scars
its making a home here -
till i disappear
its not just me it's "we're" that's here -
its overstayed its welcome.
My sadness feels like a man putting his feet on my
coffee table.
My sadness feels like an empty chest -
one that rots with dust and
human rust it
echoes and howls when opened -
like its terrified of its urge to leave.
My sadness feels like a parasite that *****
until it falls but
it doesn't fall -
only crawls
through the hollow parts of me
and creates substance.
My sadness feels like accepting to drown.

i met you when love tasted like yellow teeth and ash.
i met you when kisses felt like cold cement and paper cuts.
i met you when company felt like a hand around my throat
where every minute company's grip was tightening.
i met you when kisses reminded me of breaching anxiety.

i met you - and love suddenly tasted like sleepless nights and sunrise.
i met you - and kisses felt like fresh orange juice and vanilla ice cream.
i met you - and company felt like hummingbird wings
beating 100 times per second.
i met you - and kisses began to remind me of all my favorite things.

your kisses remind me of candied rose petals and berry smoothies.
your kisses remind me of vibrating leaves and vocal wind chimes
(like your voice in the morning).
your kisses remind me of light refraction on water
and clear constellations.

so i'd like to admit that i've never loved anyone as much as i do you -
as i've never met anyone who makes me believe that it is more than just a
natural occurrence of being human,
that it is more than a feeling
but a force,
an alignment of brainwaves and breastbones
on an axis that holds time still,
in the warmest parts of your memory.
like your warm breath that melts the bumps on my legs
from the cold in the season we met in -
where love began to taste like morning dew
and feel like spring.