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Jay M Aug 2019
Anticipation for the inevitable
A rush of adrenaline
Coursing through my veins
Telling myself I'm okay
Lying to steady my heartbeat
"Relax, it'll be okay."
Yet, such is false
For my mind is a minefield
A pile of rubble
Left to settle the dust
Determine the damage
Before it's too late
And I'm too far gone.

- Jay M
August 26th, 2019
Jay M Aug 2019
It is hard
Keeping it internalized
For such things
Keep me paralyzed
From time to time

Seated there
Talking to you
One wonders
How such a marvelous creature
Could be in a life such as mine

So close
Yet so far
Out of reach
Yet just a touch away

Still...

I swore an oath
Never to be broken
Alas, if such happens
I am to punish myself
For I am to never
Never
Be in romance again
Or to hold you in my arms...

Why?
Because I'm scared of hurting anyone
Ever again

So from now and forevermore
As long as I can
I shall never love again
Or at least never reveal it...

Still...

I find myself yearning for you
Wishing to hold you in my arms
Alas, such shall never be
For the likes of me

So here I stand
Alone
To bare the ancient tide
Strike after strike
Wave upon wave
Until I grow old
And fade from this mortal realm


- Jay M
August 30th, 2019
This is about those kinds of feelings, but if I don't find a way to place them into words then I fear they shall overwhelm me...
Jay M Aug 2019
A story retold
Memories brought back
Flashbacks and pain
A deep guilt resurfaced

Consuming
Long festering beneath the skin
At last coming to the surface
To take control
Puppeting me around
To its will

Through pain
Nightmares
An aching from guilt and shame
Comes eventual strength
Or so I'm told...

- Jay M
August 28th, 2019
  Aug 2019 Jay M
Anna
It will rain through the night,
Guests will come very soon,
They are dead by sunlight,
They are light of the moon,


Someone’s  knocked at the door,
They have come, they have come,
Lights and darks on the floor,
All is right, all is done,


one of worlds is not true,
one of fears cannot spill,
Rain will cry all night through,
Nothing want, nothing feel.
Jay M Aug 2019
Trying so hard
Keeping quiet for so long
Now
Deciding
To take a stand

Once branded so dully
So boring
So common and bland

Now
I stand with pride
For I have made a change
My title

Now
A new name
A new calling card
What a wonder it is!
What joy it brings!
For now, I have chosen!

A name of curious origin
Simple, so not to be forgotten
Similar to a bird
The Blue Jay
A beautiful creature

So
Like the bird
I will no longer think of myself as dull
I will be wonderful!
Jay

Of course
Self-doubt shall always be at hand
Yet
I shall have a name to have pride for
A name I have chosen

- Jay M
August 28th, 2019
This is a poem I've made in honor of my decision. I hope nobody is going to hate me for the name change...
Jay M Aug 2019
The day is long
But the night is longer
For reasons unknown
When the stars shine brightly
I tread lightly
Basking in the moonlight
Dancing in the starlight.

- Jay M
July 14th, 2019
Hope you enjoy this older poem of mine!
Jay M Aug 2019
Gazing at the sunset
Waiting for the moment to arrive
When I can bask in the moonlight
Laugh in the starlight
And nobody will tell me anything

Free to be who I'm meant to be
A bird in flight
Soaring beyond the clouds
Into the heights
Of beauty and wonder

Standing my ground
Proving my point
Living while I'm alive
My heart like a journal
Showing people
Letting them in
Trusting them not to tear it
And to accept what is within.

- Jay M
August 26th, 2019
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