NO land owned
NO field of gold to catch me
NO big parade to welcome me back
But I get bug chirps
And static humms
And that is much more filling
We are the dumb
and we are the willing
The sound of white reminds us
How much time we steal
Or does it get stolen from us?chewed through it in our chest now we make our way
While wounded
Saying NO to death
Each time it tempts me

I don't particularly care
For being tossed aside
But it happens almost always
Therefore I drown my head
In substances
And slice away tainted flesh
Pain is a learned thing
A crude repeating punishment
But how it taught me so much
Your a freind
And your a front
A teacher but a ****
I hate you pain
But you brought me healing
THANKS!

trying something new
Its time to
Crawl outta my box
No Stoppin'
Push that foot
So heavy in the gas
That they deem you to be
"ALIVE"
Adrenaline is the easiest high
Hyperventilate til were lazy
& blue in the face

There's certain albums
When I listen to 'em
I can't help but think of you
And I can't help but thank you
For showing me such beautiful things
And teaching me what you taught me
At such a young age
So if your reading this
Thank you...
I'll forever be in debt to you
For being both my lover and sensei
And showing me such beautiful things
It shaped who I am today
And I could say its a shame
We didn't work out the way
I wanted us to
But of course we were supposed to separate
For reasons much bigger than our brains could handle..

So this crazy ****
Keeps finding
Cobalt colors constantly
Am I on the cusp of stumbling?
If this is real then
Why do we still dream?
Keeper of
Select scrap moments
Cuz I'm supposed to have
Mad focus
Feels like home
To be floatin' on my own again

Claymation
Stop-motion
Plots open often

Matrix
Play tricks
Maybe I'll makeshift a shiv
To shake off these shivers
Really Hate to miss her
My favorite pinched nerve..

She's a Fata Morgana

In the dark she's a phantom

Oh,   too bad she can't love...

My imaginary girl

Is just an image

Can never accept the flaws

Of the women I been with

Oh, the one I'm after doesn't even exist!

An elaborate magic trick,

A babe with satellite skin,

Some endless labyrinth

One I wanna get lost within

Like living in a fool's paradise..

Framed this whole Psychotic
                                         Paradigm

Low and behold I fell for my own hoax!

Now cursed 'cause I can't love things as they are

Then what's love but a mirage?

Not something written in the

Stupid Stars

It's a cloud formation

Mid chord progression

Liquid on the ground I'm steppin'

Its' just an idea

An extra image

Somethin' I'd want to believe in

But likely never be given

Something you only see in

fantasy        Or fiction

She's not real

Neither is the idea

Burn em both

***** bad
WOMAN good
LADY BETTER?

YOU SAID IT LIKE A CATCH PHRASE FOR A WHILE

PLAYFULLLY ELUSIVE, IS SHE


WHO IS ME? ME'S A ADULT BABY

  HALLUCINATING

A Fata Morgana

Guess I should jus let go??

Its either
Chaos, contagion, or comatose
They weigh in
Those
Heavy
Pheromones
find a way to
Overgrow
Almost anything
No Matta what

Know your groceries
They say with a
melting clock hanging
The danger of favoring
A shelter too soon
Is we lose grip
Of the real ****
Decorative towels
& premium paint;
Dressed to the tea
In chemical waste
But its all about the tapestry
The plastic fruit
With no distance weighed
..
If you knew anything
(NIHILS) you'd hate yourself
And get your brain to melt
Bc the pain always helps
When your a slave to
A swell
Conveyed
By someone
Else
Cyclical bent hell
Far from minerals
Wrenched from
Silly shells
Miracles,
Subliminal
Intimate
With a centerfold

They ask me
why I'm always spaced out, because my brain is fun
.. full of circuits
reworking
a chaos circus
to learn
and relearn
constantly
gotta get up on yo feet
to feed it
so you say your lost at sea?
Please
I don't wanna hear it
Just heal it,
honestly...

As of late
I'm scared to sleep
To plunge my
head heavy
in a pile of pillows
To feel "at home"
For only a moment
Then I notice the closeness
Was just my lonely
Using illusions to subdue
my human
thinkin'
maybe
It  saves me
from
breaking  daily
Clock work can't get
The glue to stick
My squishy equipment
Has always been a nuisance
You've been holding onto
your own skin
  since gravity's
forgotten you
Orphaned
at hells door
Clenching linens
Tight fists
Just might fight the fire
Death danced into
My chest
Don't expect to escape this
God had given me a gift
Can't just Indian give it
Back to the wind
Listen....
Mama didn't raise me
To quit
I gotta mission to finish

Have you seen
Where serpents
Twist
Into one flesh
Are they ripping off
Ones' heads?
Or are they
Simply
a symbol
Of the double helix
System
So impossible
To crack codes
Crack skulls
Let's peek inside
Its clavicle

Brought back
For the last time
Gambling w grenades
Was our favorite pastime
Rhyming to get your mind right
Recently,
The reason that I can't write
Is bc you died before you
Felt the spotlight
And I'm not talented without you
GONE before our time
2020 was the worst year of my life....

Faulty prospects
Aw-fu-lly in-comp-etent
I'm all blocked up
And honestly
*******
At the result
**** the tick took
Why can't I rewind this clock?

Do you ever miss me?
Finding all of these forgotten songs
I wrote for you
10 plus years of hope
Hoping I'd learn how to get over you
I filled my void with food,
With hunger,
With chemicals,
With ***,
With words,
Waiting for each one
To fill me with warmth
But I hadn't felt it since
These old songs match the scars on my arms
And I'm left here wondering
Was it ever mutual?
Did you even feel a fraction
Of the hurt I did?

I'll break it down for ya
break dance beach

I read dem daily Eulogies
To early tunes
I know it sounds morbid
but don't worry its cool
Gives me a chance to duel my dual diagnosis
SOON as the warm sun
Cast my curtains open
***** you bet, Both Sides, Show up  and You know they be holding
Tip o' the sword  Tack sharp
Make Sure that poisons' potent
Soon as the worms' are pushed
Up from the dirt
Good mernin ' Sermons
...likely to listen yet never
Learn

Eat my world up
Then ink me out
It's awfully foul
When the stuff leaks
Wow!

**** down an assumption
Sometimes they get stuck
So I stutter
**** it,
AT this point
The floor could shut
Or shatter from under me
Either way
I wouldn't be stunned

overcompensation
Wasted
For the others
To hide in
Tight-fit basements
Some are vacant
Some are shrewd
But both take advantage of the smallest in the room

In awe
I' always fall
Full-******
Keep the struggle,
I huddle up to
What little I got left
Lotta nights
I Layed in bed
ANGRY
'Cause all i ate
Was humble pie
For days on end
Spent the hours before morning
Blaming myself
I can tell its unhealthy
Making hell outta heaven
Rather have heavens made of  hell
Meanwhile my head swells
Its screamimg "help me"
You ever felt the full effect
Of your helmet
melting?

Sharp teeth
Rabid brain
Blindly Flapping
Me. Gasping.
Bet a bish
Had blacked out
Gotta get up
To get down

Stay perplexed
Hey, maybe this time
We could actually  make a amends
Instead of  faking it.
But you may keep playing
Slave on this f---ing ship
My eyes roll backward
Til they hit the floor
Almost rotten from stagnation
Melancholy  Mania
Tends to **** yo brain from yo body
Reality  pauses
You are paralyzed with info
Sleep walking while awake
Its like loving t he bed of nails
You lay in..
Do I learn anything when I alleviate pain?
Whats the real meaning
To all this craving ?

Trigger happy
Finger driven
Don't lift my body
Just my spirit
Is it weird
That I don't always
Like sensual
Unusual at best
I'm used to my human  I guess
I am another animal
let out all my anomalies
& scream for closure,
For criticism,
For Recognition

No more power-play
Fixated on fake arrangements
That hang off each neck  
I try not to show up
All in faded days

I bathe in good riddance
trickle my fingers
over the warmth as it cleanses
create ripples
that eventually die out
playing God for a moment
wash the sins away
savor this flavor beading down
tickling over my femininity
FIVE MINUTES EARLIER
I was smothered in gluttony
slathered in bacon grease
purged away my worries insecurities and uncertainties
pain was unheard of
smell the sickness
fogging the windows
clouding my future and blanketing the room
the aroma is a reminder, I earned this rejuvenation
exhausted. throat throbbing.
self-betrayal
name calling
slaughter the voice
That caused
Awful sobbing
Where's the positive reinforcement?

Just prose of brutal honesty
I do drugs
I write
but nothing ever satisfies
underneath the bones in my chest
lies a gaping hole
Im not sad, im not scared
but empty
of almost everything
something missing
can't find it
can't fill it
spent countless hours tryin'  to **** it
why cant I be satisfied?
Nothing can cure my loneliness
not people
nor time
I just cant be satisfied.

The world rejects me
tastes then spits me out
such a bitter texture on the tongue
I have been given the ability
to understand & argue
both sides of an issue
might just be a symptom
of my fickle disease
I am a toy in life's childish hands
spreading sneezes
as it shares me with the other worlds

We are trapped within ourselves
noses glued in biographies
cobwebs covering the shelves
the big book of 'WHYs' I havnt even tried to read
too much respect, too much mystery
I leave it there abandoned
because my stomach churns to look at it
meant for mint condition
wanted and forbidden
it took so much time to sew up
took so much thought when written
I know you BREATHE EAT SLEEP,
like me you have human needs
Page by Page
you spectate
We feed off of mutual inspiration
WE

Breath in
take a wiff
Fight off blind spots
Dissolve these
four walls
that box me in
eating away at my perception
fill my lungs up with smoke
...pause...
and choke choke choke
the worries
loosen from the bone tissue
and temporarily
this gives me a profound dream

It is,
cracking as we speak
basking in it?
Flapping
just to reinforce the seams
Tired of rhyming
tired of squeezing out strength
in between bed sheets
Dreams do not make us durable
if anything they trick the psyche
It's okay though
It is a test
we are all eligible
to
TAKE

Admission
Several half songs later
I stay at the type-writer: tapping
I am looking for structure, flexibility,
a stimulating blend of images
To rattle my listeners.

Too bad I come up empty

It's a shame I always crack
under the pressure of fake glass
incompletion makes a home in me
and I can't come back to health
until the books are written,
the songs are sung,
and my creations are raised effectively

But they would still act the same
as a **** stain
on haute couture..
Why pass it off as anything more?

I accept my role to be colorless, insignificant, and small
an ant can only be so tall
It is when we admit our futility
that we become a human, luminous

The itching; affects, don't let 'em tell you otherwise
Stay Lost in the ink blots
I promise, It'll help you forget
We're all scared
We're all aware
but w continue keep it quiet.
We continue to hold onto
what we should riot.
We attempt to itch away
what we cannot change..
and that just makes us uncomfortable.
But in that frustration I learn,
love doesn't exist without forgiveness.
But that still doesn't fix this!
So I drink away
my mangled brain
trading this pain
for dizziness

Dear God
forgive me yet again
for I stirred the pity ***
a bit too long
and its honestly pathetic

How painful it is to lose your soul-mate...
Dunno how to make it
How heavy my heart hangs
A little lower each day
Can't hardly write since your life was taken
Our plans for 2020
Quickly spiral down the drain
What to say to myself
To keep From going insane
Blatantly angry
Sapien Shaking
Maybe it's the pain
Or the way my shadows chase me
Aye, Meet me in the middle
Bounce a verse against my head
My stomach summons butterflies
Finally  alive  
Like a child
You always made me feel inspired
Trying to write without you
I feel,
Like a fire dying out..

My sweet
His eyes look up at me with sorry sighs
Those sorry’s cry,
A puddle of gluttonous goodbyes
Poured into your sight
Expression crept upon a still face
Still facing your ‘just waits’
Your ‘too lates’
Take a leap of faith-
It might be worth it

Warrior
In carnate
Heartache
Just a massive morale
Boost
'cause  who has lost?
When were all on
The same team
No, my molecules don't
Know me...
Good Guess!
My wolf is lonely
Honing in on echoes
Always calling out for homie

God please
WE
Needa learn
some patience
Learn some faith
what a weight
to take off
you got me?
keep your promises
to modesty
watch over me honestly,
on your word
will you wake me
when I wander off
too far

Compassion & Action
set me free
jus really need to be lonely
for a second
Left NAKED
so that stretched seconds
**** dry your insides
shoulda stuck to daydreaming
Jesus please release me
the leash is lingering a bit
too long
The ring is ceaseless
Disease that'll likely eat my head
Times like these I kinda regret
tattooing "Ramble On"
On my forearm
Though it's an art and it's cathartic


again this is directed at a select few
5 minutes of peace
please please
make the squawking stop
I'm gonna get ornery
Too blind to see the exit sign
Found Guidance
in the crisis  
You cake on a coat of
niceness
most likely
hiding behind
******* masks
f* your jaw
you can't stop
flapping

Woman of the house
modern princess in a tower
type ****
Type up your **** talk
and I'll chalk it
It'll be fun
to see your
fingertips
fall off
My auto bio should be called,
"LOST CAUSE"
Cold Contact
Case Closed
Arms open
Mouth sewn
Fit to freak the **** out
Leave me outta the line up
Likely to live with delusions
....on a loop
don't ever call me
"baby"
that name is reserved
for him

Your incinerating your
Enemies
from the inside out
Munipulate many brains
To think their hate
Was self created
Manifest Projection  


From negative self respect
Pedestal perspective
Though only for a quick minute

They shall receive bad attention
Until you end up just as impotent
The imperfect deserve punishment
That has become your fix
To pluck what little light
Survives
In starry eyed fighters
The kinda guy that
Makes misery his company
Bc his understanding
Of love
Is malfunction
In the bloodstream.

Bats in the toolshed
dont give a f*
about sunsets
spoonfed and searching for a subject
cutting hymns into symmetry
What does it matter if our tattered limbs
dont fit right?
We're still elegant
in a scary way
All too familiar
I'm disgusted by it's
tiny frame
and how our dicey angst
gets in the way
a rat with wings
hanging upside down
in a handmade shed
on the outskirts of town
who knows where
and who knows when
evolution made a creature
so gruesome so grim

You never could protect me
and I put every bit
of hope in you
But you never could just love me
simply, truly, without condition
I'd suffer just to make you smile
and I could waste time remembering
every time my heart cracked how, when, and why
I let you build a room there
and explore each chipped piece
til I reluctantly shed my skin
and gave you permission
to burrow on in
though I sensed
several faces
and smelled a familiar
stench
it couldn't stop
magnetism
Afterward, time stretched
my imprint fades
into faint blurs
and your hate
still aims to
steal my laughter

They say you
can recreate the **** you've lost
forget-me-nots wont work here
Pitiful Stranger
Need I remind you of what you are able...
wait for the veil to someday slip
A fib as this is likely fatal.

Asking for my better half
Hazmat lab-rat
Tricked by the lack of love
hurting from the could had's
Mad as a hatter in the skull cap
Flashes of my last laugh
soundtrack
Sad, but I don't get them back
Could you really match me
Course I was forced
to see evil
in such beautiful
people
Still shattered by the impact
Can you teach me
How to re-believe in magic?

Sour Statistics
for breakfast
caress the
kyanite
before the doctor
walks on in
Figure you can
fix the intent..
just quit hittin the
self destruct but-ton
Let it all come un-done
Constantly undercover
but abundant because of it
bouta buck 50
but buckin' the f**king
government
bounda break free
cutting the ties to
our suffering
come on world,
I've been too patient
throw me a bone that
I can play with.