Trigger happy
Finger driven
Don't lift my body
Just my spirit
Is it weird
That I don't always
Like sensual
Unusual at best
I'm used to my human  I guess
I am another animal
let out all my anomalies
& scream for closure,
For criticism,
For Recognition

No more power-play
Fixated on fake arrangements
That hang off each neck  
I try not to show up
All in faded days

I bathe in good riddance
trickle my fingers
over the warmth as it cleanses
create ripples
that eventually die out
playing God for a moment
wash the sins away
savor this flavor beading down
tickling over my femininity
FIVE MINUTES EARLIER
I was smothered in gluttony
slathered in bacon grease
purged away my worries insecurities and uncertainties
pain was unheard of
smell the sickness
fogging the windows
clouding my future and blanketing the room
the aroma is a reminder, I earned this rejuvenation
exhausted. throat throbbing.
self-betrayal
name calling
slaughter the voice
That caused
Awful sobbing
Where's the positive reinforcement?

Just prose of brutal honesty
I do drugs
I write
but nothing ever satisfies
underneath the bones in my chest
lies a gaping hole
Im not sad, im not scared
but empty
of almost everything
something missing
can't find it
can't fill it
spent countless hours tryin'  to **** it
why cant I be satisfied?
Nothing can cure my loneliness
not people
nor time
I just cant be satisfied.

The world rejects me
tastes then spits me out
such a bitter texture on the tongue
I have been given the ability
to understand & argue
both sides of an issue
might just be a symptom
of my fickle disease
I am a toy in life's childish hands
spreading sneezes
as it shares me with the other worlds

We are trapped within ourselves
noses glued in biographies
cobwebs covering the shelves
the big book of 'WHYs' I havnt even tried to read
too much respect, too much mystery
I leave it there abandoned
because my stomach churns to look at it
meant for mint condition
wanted and forbidden
it took so much time to sew up
took so much thought when written
I know you BREATHE EAT SLEEP,
like me you have human needs
Page by Page
you spectate
We feed off of mutual inspiration
WE

Breath in
take a wiff
Fight off blind spots
Dissolve these
four walls
that box me in
eating away at my perception
fill my lungs up with smoke
...pause...
and choke choke choke
the worries
loosen from the bone tissue
and temporarily
this gives me a profound dream

It is,
cracking as we speak
basking in it?
Flapping
just to reinforce the seams
Tired of rhyming
tired of squeezing out strength
in between bed sheets
Dreams do not make us durable
if anything they trick the psyche
It's okay though
It is a test
we are all eligible
to
TAKE

Admission
Several half songs later
I stay at the type-writer: tapping
I am looking for structure, flexibility,
a stimulating blend of images
To rattle my listeners.

Too bad I come up empty

It's a shame I always crack
under the pressure of fake glass
incompletion makes a home in me
and I can't come back to health
until the books are written,
the songs are sung,
and my creations are raised effectively

But they would still act the same
as a **** stain
on haute couture..
Why pass it off as anything more?

I accept my role to be colorless, insignificant, and small
an ant can only be so tall
It is when we admit our futility
that we become a human, luminous

The itching; affects, don't let 'em tell you otherwise
Stay Lost in the ink blots
I promise, It'll help you forget
We're all scared
We're all aware
but w continue keep it quiet.
We continue to hold onto
what we should riot.
We attempt to itch away
what we cannot change..
and that just makes us uncomfortable.
But in that frustration I learn,
love doesn't exist without forgiveness.
But that still doesn't fix this!
So I drink away
my mangled brain
trading this pain
for dizziness

Dear God
forgive me yet again
for I stirred the pity ***
a bit too long
and its honestly pathetic

How painful it is to lose your soul-mate...
Dunno how to make it
How heavy my heart hangs
A little lower each day
Can't hardly write since your life was taken
Our plans for 2020
Quickly spiral down the drain
What to say to myself
To keep From going insane
Blatantly angry
Sapien Shaking
Maybe it's the pain
Or the way my shadows chase me
Aye, Meet me in the middle
Bounce a verse against my head
My stomach summons butterflies
Finally  alive  
Like a child
You always made me feel inspired
Trying to write without you
I feel,
Like a fire dying out..

My sweet
His eyes look up at me with sorry sighs
Those sorry’s cry,
A puddle of gluttonous goodbyes
Poured into your sight
Expression crept upon a still face
Still facing your ‘just waits’
Your ‘too lates’
Take a leap of faith-
It might be worth it

Warrior
In carnate
Heartache
Just a massive morale
Boost
'cause  who has lost?
When were all on
The same team
No, my molecules don't
Know me...
Good Guess!
My wolf is lonely
Honing in on echoes
Always calling out for homie

God please
WE
Needa learn
some patience
Learn some faith
what a weight
to take off
you got me?
keep your promises
to modesty
watch over me honestly,
on your word
will you wake me
when I wander off
too far

Compassion & Action
set me free
jus really need to be lonely
for a second
Left NAKED
so that stretched seconds
**** dry your insides
shoulda stuck to daydreaming
Jesus please release me
the leash is lingering a bit
too long
The ring is ceaseless
Disease that'll likely eat my head
Times like these I kinda regret
tattooing "Ramble On"
On my forearm
Though it's an art and it's cathartic


again this is directed at a select few
5 minutes of peace
please please
make the squawking stop
I'm gonna get ornery
Too blind to see the exit sign
Found Guidance
in the crisis  
You cake on a coat of
niceness
most likely
hiding behind
******* masks
f* your jaw
you can't stop
flapping

Woman of the house
modern princess in a tower
type ****
Type up your **** talk
and I'll chalk it
It'll be fun
to see your
fingertips
fall off
My auto bio should be called,
"LOST CAUSE"
Cold Contact
Case Closed
Arms open
Mouth sewn
Fit to freak the **** out
Leave me outta the line up
Likely to live with delusions
....on a loop
don't ever call me
"baby"
that name is reserved
for him

Your incinerating your
Enemies
from the inside out
Munipulate many brains
To think their hate
Was self created
Manifest Projection  


From negative self respect
Pedestal perspective
Though only for a quick minute

They shall receive bad attention
Until you end up just as impotent
The imperfect deserve punishment
That has become your fix
To pluck what little light
Survives
In starry eyed fighters
The kinda guy that
Makes misery his company
Bc his understanding
Of love
Is malfunction
In the bloodstream.

Bats in the toolshed
dont give a f*
about sunsets
spoonfed and searching for a subject
cutting hymns into symmetry
What does it matter if our tattered limbs
dont fit right?
We're still elegant
in a scary way
All too familiar
I'm disgusted by it's
tiny frame
and how our dicey angst
gets in the way
a rat with wings
hanging upside down
in a handmade shed
on the outskirts of town
who knows where
and who knows when
evolution made a creature
so gruesome so grim

You never could protect me
and I put every bit
of hope in you
But you never could just love me
simply, truly, without condition
I'd suffer just to make you smile
and I could waste time remembering
every time my heart cracked how, when, and why
I let you build a room there
and explore each chipped piece
til I reluctantly shed my skin
and gave you permission
to burrow on in
though I sensed
several faces
and smelled a familiar
stench
it couldn't stop
magnetism
Afterward, time stretched
my imprint fades
into faint blurs
and your hate
still aims to
steal my laughter

They say you
can recreate the **** you've lost
forget-me-nots wont work here
Pitiful Stranger
Need I remind you of what you are able...
wait for the veil to someday slip
A fib as this is likely fatal.

Asking for my better half
Hazmat lab-rat
Tricked by the lack of love
hurting from the could had's
Mad as a hatter in the skull cap
Flashes of my last laugh
soundtrack
Sad, but I don't get them back
Could you really match me
Course I was forced
to see evil
in such beautiful
people
Still shattered by the impact
Can you teach me
How to re-believe in magic?

Sour Statistics
for breakfast
caress the
kyanite
before the doctor
walks on in
Figure you can
fix the intent..
just quit hittin the
self destruct but-ton
Let it all come un-done
Constantly undercover
but abundant because of it
bouta buck 50
but buckin' the f**king
government
bounda break free
cutting the ties to
our suffering
come on world,
I've been too patient
throw me a bone that
I can play with.

Per-fect-ly
proportionate
in pretty little pieces
the carnelian cracks
that clumsy ****
cant meditate
can't mean it
come accomplished
no conscious
constantly overdone
exhausted

Signal sacred
smokey basement
Holy, hatefit
Make me brave
just brave enough
could I stay an angry sapient
with no ideas
no chance of makin it
Where the hell you been?
Your time is up

there it is
a little glint
of sunrise
urging my eye- lids
to pry themselves open
again
though we can hope
for what might've been
Having trouble just trying to understand
I must keep missing the message
within .. us
lustin' after
inter dimensions
But it's make believe
hey, you know,
What is strange
Is lately
I no longer have to need
Only sweat & bleed
POETRY
Pushing ink to
swim deep
via bloodstream
She
is so complete
but eaten up with
Ancient Bruises
How bout you
Go
Get a grip
then
make me lose it
look at u
misusin
uniqueness
As if
It wasn't given
as a gift
So that your hues
can breathe less
Let my limbs
weaken
when I reach the
deep-end
Yes you yes you
Yes! you are the glue
that keeps my
parts from leaving
"I love the drama
in the dry heave
Eye look for ward
in putting it all behind me."
Release all things
Which make us nervous
Sir
I dont think
even heard this
****, didn't peg you as
squirmish
**** It
let's ready the curtain
I swear
I didn't mean to hurt them
sorry
I guess I'm still learnin

Gimme just a few
Seconds
I've been waiting
For us
To one day
Finally
Fuse again
No old habits...
No Abusive Ness
The nature of aging
Said stupid kids
I can't tell where
The stoop begins
With Suits that cover
Up every sin
Sticks
Static tension
Lack of friends
But from our fingers
Something electric
Fizzed
I need a few more seconds
To confess
How I've loved you
Ever since
We were both
One of them
Lazy stoop kids

Here we go
here's my toast to you
toast to the wasn't
toast to the wish it was
cheers to cherished seconds
and subtle acts of love
GO ON!
scorch me if ya need to
and I shall do the same
the multiverse
is still jeering
in regard to our mistake
Meanwhile....
I'll be weeping
wondering why we ever were
why our hearts fused
and our heads got filled with magic
given years of laughter
I was reachin' for excuses
questioning why you
didnt care
about me in that moment
the one moment I wasnt there
I keep dreamin
til 'i break down piece by piece
my thymus gets confused
constantly convinved its
still apart of you
quit plucking heart strings
youre so ******* cruel
the weight is heavier than
that of the moon

It's been said by the tribesman
grief is definite
death is certain
I hate how it's poetic

Head stretched too thin

to write the final sentence
On a script
our maker
had prewritten

Alive & Arms wide
we collide
with oblivion
Still I sin
and continue
breathing

in spite of terrible tribesman
that like to keep
lies locked between
teeth
and spread stories
where sweet girls are ******
in hopes they believe they're
superior
to the victims
they meant to
rip to pieces

stealing dreams
from the few people
not stagnating
in misery

Sad we started
leaving wishes
where they bloom

Demented Distance
dead empty
the light
inside you
is soon to diminish

Doomed to move
through dimensions
useless in my attempts
to rescue the universe

Demolish all the nonsense
you've ever wanted
Everything you were
taught inside that box is false

From afar
I watched
as you dropped
the plot
Demi Gods died for all this?

until held hostage
in a monsters death grip
ever since I expect
the most unfortunate
of situations

because its better to
remain
in a constant state
of suffering

Paint
        a
          paradise

just
     to
        hide


a prison in

                     Apologize
                                       to try
                                                and fix it

Timid *******
                  become buzzard food
looks like you got lots to lose


                   Lucid State
                                   clipped a fuse
                                                     a little too late

I'm not used to this
Afraid I aint able
to keep you sane
let alone stable..
Hey who knows?

Maybe I can lift
your body off
the pavement
my angel wings
mangled

secretly
breakin' myself
so that I can
save you.

Lu fin du monde
reclusive til the
nukes go off
Hydrogen bomb

NO time to hideaway
its survival now
some will call to christ
give all away their things
take from the greats
com-ply with society...
be a slave

Go to sleep
stay awake
face your fake
*** self in the mirror
here your yellin'
"You're not allowed to kick down my pillars!!"

Use said excuses
for fillers
Feel my heart -beat
fill me in
convinced it's
hardly an art piece
what a sin

DOOMED
to be seen,
exposed,
frozen,
in the same pose
same time zone

paintings that hang
in the hopes
that they inspire
passers by
stuck shovelin'
their way back home

I've been constantly
lost for a long time
tend to log all I've learned
like these kids will buy it

No Soul
Hollow molds
hide what little
they could grab

we watch as
home
gets
blown away

We get up

and we go

wing it to spit

venom over c-notes

behold

here's an

unspoken notebook

full of secrets

she will soon

hold too close

The crow
still remaining
every morning
forever hanging
on the corners
of lids
I sense
paranoia
seeping in

The drops ,
they drip
but gently
This time
I can only hope
the softness reminds him
of me
Where have you run off to?
You left me
out here in the rain
to dry myself

All I really need
is to know that youre breathing
A feeble attempt at
knowing my own pity

Though it's for the best
I keep on walking
I could cross off
favoring modesty
over flinging undergarments

to hardly anyone who gave
two s*s
...will be addressed incessantly
until you're quest is up

Drug Addict,
you made your precipice
sank into a mess
you'd never see yourself
destroying
In a million years

Burn the books you bled into
Sweat pouring
heavy pencil scribbles
fog your head with voices
beg for answers at the door

Doesn't wanna give a ****
Doesn't think about tje context
enough
Doesn't fill your mug
When the pace wanes

Were shucking to make a budget
We can live on
Or move on, to a new landscape
And hideaway until
Our minds are changed

Never to weather
Never to erode
Doesn't wanna trail off
Reaching for unwelcome homes

Doesn't wanna appear shakey
But works the twitching
Anyway
Fit it in a box
To keep on display
Always

I thrive off weakness
Seeing the deepend
As a way to way to
Try and breath again

Oh let the stars ALIGN finally
No longer will I fret messing with em incessantly
Or wish they were someplace else

Live in the present
I expect it will be gone soon
And so will they
I dedicate every inkling
Of love I mustered up


Dumped it
Every bit
All at once.

F* it.
Because
I have practiced
How to muster
LOVE
From the flood

Apres moi, la deluge
And after the flood
Here I come
patterns repeating

I need to
summon
A hundred suns
To soak up the

The damage done..

F the
I'll be okay
stage
Now stunned
By some vanished
Anagram.

I've managed to stand
On two legs
Hexed to slave
over fugue states.

Staple sleigh bells
To our heads
Never to be lead
astray

We know death
Is a regular
Keep kicking sedatives
Down our throat
Hoping we'll get the message.

She ain't dumb
Just lacks perspective..

Quick!
Que the narrations
A smooth voice got let loose
And truth gotta facelift

So freakin' biased
We cant help
It's in our nature
To fluff up the sequence

Relinquish some regrets
In attempt to rewrite
Any meaning or misprints
That was etched under the skin of it...

Holding all the pieces
We can Picasso this ****
Or just leave it. as it. already. is.
So raw so so rhythmatic

Naked Atoms
Just reacting
Simple math
Creature of habit

Tend to stress instead of laugh
Put one in a cave,
WATCH US MAKE ANYTHING ...
Anything But our own happiness

Happiness, what is that ishh?

Hobgoblins

Hanging, 
upside down
with his mouth pried open
slurping up  seepage 
in the plumbing pipes
dead skin, sweat grime
He'd be inclined to take a bite.

Some claim these creatures as
spiders
or rats 
but I have seen one in the act
Little ******* hides below the sink
to feed on tender infant flesh..
He salivates at bath-time
snapping at soft bottom fat
to fill his belly with a warm, blood-soaked 
snack
Baby cries another whole in mama's ear..
And I listened for a rummage in the plumbing pipes.

If weakness is unveiled
Could a foe be a friend

If you're skin read like braille
Could that friend be a lover?

We've seen what the edge looks like,
How much the impact would hurt...
But, I cant get over how fun it looks to fall

This town is diseased
with atrophy
and it's snatching whatever's left
Godlyness
doesn't exist here.
Only the disgust
behavioral ****
we season our addictions with.


I'm worn down
Still refuse to forfeit
**** out the  bad
If you crave bliss
Then you'll have to avoid it
Heavily
etching forcefeilds
From the electricity

We now
Got a hex to protect us



Flee far away
from this vortex
Every inch I move forward
Means more
getting ****** in

But before that,
I was flooded with
scenes of great importance
I want to be better...
than this town,
these people,
and have something
Redeemable

In the end
I'm alone
tapping in my room
with a big cloud of anger at my back
..hoping it'll make me run faster.

Starving
artist
harvest
hardship
harness 
harmlessness
in the darkest sharpness
where the sharks live
and started
ripping apart their target
settle 
like a heartless carcass 
parting with the flesh..
-written in '13 by camryn johnson

Steam kettle thinking
im not in the mood
for swift wishful thinking
smudge upon the blacktop
semicolon dot dot

The symbol that I cant crack
a blank space where I am to craft some sentence
the etching that describes
my indolence
my frazzled brain turned
to mush

Just like they predicted...
Don't let the gates age you
untwist & pick padlocks
that stand ground arount you
Alive in progression

We have no choice
but to propel a voice-box
over the noise.

Stumble clumsily
to that of which you think
is your sensei...
and ask
Why must I bow?
Take a break just take it down
a notch
Just watch me howl
at the moon
meditate let the sun
hit you in the face
Awaking you to a new
confusion
"better mean what you say
so you'll still be sitting when you
float away through hazy old
sayings displays testaments to progress
even frogs respect goggled honesty
from lilypad perspectives
directive flush and disconnect
from freshness"

We are soothed by the sounds of sleep
get youthinized, get grey matter to leak
unconscious encouragement
mutterings so sweet
Let me bask in the drift
Transit to a spot more hospitable
less hospice
one where tongues flail
against the grain
passing insurmountable grass
that has yet to be grazed
or did you expect a
land unscathed
would you rather be subject
to the sound of white
or the sound of writhe
cry yourself to sleep
til you can't see straight
til you write your final ending
you feel as if your too late

Adventurous tales
from the darkest intenstines
Graceful vapors, seethe and strangle
Destiny waits for those who
bite down

DEAR EARTH,
we cry at the sight
of your curves
each minute I'm given
is a new way to face it


Avert the curses
my enemies  
burned in the skin
primal urges encourage
you to use the hurt
as it hits

FREEDOM is about to be plucked
from my eye beds
and thistles will take their
place
A thorny reminder of a slow-moving
monster..