I swear that I feel,
I swear that I hurt.
I swear that I can feel your blood roll through my heart.
I swear that gruesome thoughts raid my inner most fantasies,
my dark, dark thoughts haunt your fame.
I apologize, sincerely.
I have hurt you one too many times.
I have given you no reason to stay,
and still you run back.
How scary, how vile it is
to see how I've intentionally destroyed us all.
My fault, and no remorse be felt.
The fault in myself is one that can never be forgiven.

Stripped, and barefoot.
Intentional faults.
Intentional hurt.
The things I dream haunt me.
---
You will never prosper
Try to run, but I will see.
The impossible nature
of all the things I long for.
---
Distanced love,
I will wait for nothing.
Irrational thoughts I will never stop.
All the dangerous thoughts I will think.
---
But you will still dance on my skull.
You will still flow through my blood.
You will remind me of possibilities,
the ones I will never see.
You will scare me into my own skin.
You will be the one to burn me.
But you will be the one to care.
---
You will give all I need
you will be my entirety.
And through the drought
you will be my storm.
You will be the one to love me
when it becomes impossible to love myself.

another pen runs out of ink,
your cup is empty.
and your eyes see a desert.
it's 5:33am and you're wide awake
but your body aches
and your chest is heavy
and yet again your find yourself
bombed, and hurt.
but no one hurt you.
your mind continues to linger in the past
haunting your every move.
it's screaming "you've ****** up"
and you know it speaks the truth.
because why else would you feel the way you do?
you turn on the radio, loud as it can go
to drown out  the mutters
of disappointment
but nothing helps
because you're internally
scratching and clawing at yourself.
"what can I do?" "make it stop"
no, there is nothing.
so you sit in your own dismay
and you wait for a distant change
that you may never see.

I remember when you told me
you'd always
be there and comfort me.
regardless of words
actions always spoke louder
and it was apparent
that your hormonal needs
were far more important
than my emotional needs.
do you realize that broke us?
everything that we stood for
diminished the moment you said
"I love you"
because naivety and suppleness
took over my body
like a demon
and told me to be sure of the words
we spoke to eachother.
little did we know, it broke us
and I'm glad.
because it was all a lie
and all you wanted was intimate "love"
that I refused to give you.