I thought I saw a glimpse
of what could have been
a little flicker of light
in the years of darkness
The past, clouded,
it still mattered
but I'm supposed to forgive
aren't I?
Things are different
in a good and bad way
I thought I'd been given chance
to have some sort of closure
a peace, that could settle within me.
I foolishly thought
that maybe I'd deserved it.
I could be left with memories,
of the pleasant kind
not like I had before
Her illness can create an ugly side,
I know,
but I can't help but wonder,
is it just the part of her
that she so often tried to hide?
Now the Dementia
causes her to forget
to conceal the deceit
It's just too hard
it's too close
too familiar.
Emotionally
it costs me too much
I tried
but I think I'm done.
This is about my relationship with my mother. She wasn't pleasant in the past but the dementia softened her somewhat for a while. Unfortunately certain behaviour is raising its ugly head and it's just too hard for me to handle again. This is how I'm feeling now but who knows, I may gain some strength from somewhere.