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A line I hear a lot of times.
My life—
bitter memoirs,
disappointments,
mental scars,
and feeling miserable
most of my
lonely moments.
Opened my emotions
only to feel vulnerable,
exposed to the
broken cold.

These past few days—
I hate them.
I ache in pain,
I cut myself—
my wounds on
my right arm
have no mouth
but scream for help.

Only to be sent away,
to hear them say,
“It’s not a punishment.”
A line that cuts deeper
than a sharp knife.

And yet I feel
so abandoned
in my own
treatment center.
I've been through a lot of things for the past few days that...yea...I thought of writing it :)
nicotine
touching me
crushing me
its
hard to breathe
hard to see
im
screaming please
come help me
you
look at me
start to leave
what a ******.

youre always so hard to please.
yet i always want you when youre gone...
why is it so hard to quit? i miss when i could make it through the day without craving flavored freaking air.

(self censoring)
BPD
"Right here," [points at heart] "you're dead."
"And right here," [points at head] "you're twisted."
Borderline personality disorder.
A curse.
I am alone, empty, freezing, starving, withering.
I am sorry.
Always sorry.
Sorry to so many.
I am doomed.
I am alone.
I am twisted.
I am desperate.
the wind picks me up
my thoughts all drifting away
i am free once more

my body is soaring
i am aproaching the clouds
i leave my cares home

welcoming the air
sweet release of oxygen
my brain is numb now

falling from the sky
plummeting towards the below
my bed jumps slightly

i look up again
at the distant sky above
i am wingless now
what would it really be like to fly? to be free.
Holly lived in darkness,
Holly lived in pain,
Holly heard the voices,
from deep inside her brain.

The voice that called her useless,
The voice that told her "Cut".
The voice that called her bad,
the one that declared her "****".

Holly told the doctors,
about these things inside her head,
They said she'd grow out of it,
as they sent her home to bed.

There beneath the donner,
she stayed huddled up for years,
The voices ever getting louder,
they kept adding to her fears.

To day a mother lost her daughter,
they never got to say good-bye.
All the time the voices watched,
they watched Holly die.

(c)  10/May /2010
why do people self harm?
why do I self harm?
I am only a child, after all.
do you like my cuts?
do you like my pretty scars?
I made them just for you...
oh.. mommy doesn't like my cuts?
daddy yelled at me too.
pretty red lines
dancing in a row
some deep, some thin
some still bleeding
oh
I've gone too far again.
I wrote this during an episode in my journal.
April 8th 2024
You're speaking again.
I'm listening.
You're crying again.
I'm listening.
You're lying again.
I'm listening.
I'm still hoping.
I'm still trying.
Poor little Sunshine.
Not a clue what to do.
why.
words words words.

They're yelling again.
I'm listening.
They're hurting again.
I'm listening.
They're learning again.
I'm listening.
I'm praying.
Hoping.
Waiting.
words, words, words.

I'm hurting again.
who's listening?
I'm trying again.
who's listening?
I'm dying again.
who's listening?
who's watching, hoping, praying, waiting, trying, for me?

Words. Words. Words.

who is listening...
words.
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