I’ve never been here before, but I’ve been here a million times.
The only difference now is my pain is mine
I can’t look at myself because now I look different
You want to see me, but now I feel different.
These bruises on my skin are deeper than cuts
These slices in my legs are thinner than my blood
The sensitivity of my body is fresh to touch
I want to give you what you want, but I’m not the same
My body was a temple and now it’s remains
Sexually depleted and mentally I’ve gained a new perspective on a different kind of pain.

I suffer from generalized anxiety
and I just want people to understand it
but mental illnes is frowned upon by society
Some days I'm fine but I must admit
I'm always just teetering at the edge of sobrietry

I know it's never going to go away
But I can try my best to forget the pain
Always trying to keep it at bay
But always in vain

walking around in a circle
trying to learn from my mistakes
at the pace of a turtle
at night my thougts still keep me awake

I'm really not depressed
but I'm not happy either
I have this anxiety pressing at my chest
And sometimes i just need a breather

I'm constantly told to get it together
to pick up some courage and do things
But that's like telling someone not to be cold in freezing weather
And more anxiety is all that it brings

Every word you speak feels like a song to me
Every smile you share can never be compared
No judgement here
You’re a never ending joy
How will long with this last?

I hope times frozen still.
Grateful beyond any words could describe


Feeling a real love that I never knew was possible
Is like looking through new eyes


Have you ever felt this love?
Have you ever heard this song?
Have you ever looked at yourself through someone else’s eyes?

I’m not just a cardboard cut out. I’m not just a walking doll. With you I’m transparent.

Further and further
Deeper and deeper
Into this trench of emotions
This abyss of never ending emotions
Backwards I go never reaching my goal
Always seeing the light
But never touching it
An abyss of drama
Overreacting to the mere tone
Making a problem out of sheer nothingness
Rewinding my fate
Never reaching the day
I become who I really want to be
Fear of gliding forward
Always backsliding.

Remembering the pain
Embracing every emotion
Letting fear guide my soul
Always looking to the trauma
Piercing the inner workings of my mind
Summoning my demons
Escaping reality

Maybe if I bleed enough the taste of you will disappear,
maybe, if I hurt enough i will forget the way you smelt
the taste of your lips,
all the times you said " I love you"
all the times you didn't mean it
im left here, picking up the pieces, of the heart that beat for you
im alone here, hearing nothing but your voice
feeling nothing,
but the absence of you
and the sting of my wrists.