I've grown a crutch by my side
It's quite unstable and unpredictable
When I lose everything, it's all I lean on
Yet, sometimes it breaks, and I fall
I can stand on my own two feet
But I'm afraid I won't get very far without you beside me

like a cigarette, ignited and raised to your scornful lips
you made me your addiction
and i let you consume me

I’m addicted to your love
I’m addicted to the pain
I’m hurt and I cope but I don’t know the real thing
I stay cause I’m lost
No value in trash
I’m used and abused
But I haven’t forgotten about you

regret.
i regret letting you in.

love will always start with illusion.
and i fell in love with
the mirage you displayed.
i told myself that
the person i fell in love with
was still there.
that is why i stuck around

for so long.

for so long i believed that you still loved me
as much as the sun loved the sky.
even when you said you didn’t,
even when your voice didn’t feel like

home.

home was late night conversations.
home was your laugh ringing in my ears.
but what was once the house we loved in,
it is now dominated by ghosts.

it has been 8 months.
i still

regret.
i regret letting you in.

It hurts
when you tell me you love me over texts
But you won’t say it in person
When you change your mind
From one day to the next
am I not enough?
That this is all I deserve
a man so insecure
He’s destructive with his words

If I try to speak, I am quickly silenced
If I try to run, I am quickly tripped
I am in a time loop where I can’t escape
I am on constant edge, to ends cannot make
Where every turn leads back to you
In everything I say and do
where no exit signs exist
Only a painful notion of what is