poems in the clouds

poems in the clouds Oct 2017

I thought to myself,
"I can't be with him, because
I am in love with someone else."
And I did not come up with this conclusion
because I was waiting for that someone
to come around.
I knew that wasn't going to happen.
But I did it because it would not be fair.
I would lay with him at night
and wish he was that other someone.
While he had soft skin
and lips
just like that other someone,
I would still only imagine it being
that someone.
And I constantly thought
to myself
"I can't do that to him."
Yes, he puts stars in my sky,
but the stars of that other
someone burned so much brighter
in that same sky.
I just can't seem to let him go.

#life #love #happy #sad #relationships

poems in the clouds Oct 2017

The 12 Step Program to Rid Myself Of You.

You crawl under my skin without even realizing
what you're doing.
Every time I tried to shed
myself of you,
you always ******* came back.
Every time I said to myself,
"this is it, this is the end."
You always snuck back in
and wrapped your arms
tightly around me.
You are an addiction to me.
It's killing me so slowly.
So painfully.
And you didn't even know it.
Because you will never feel the same.
This death is slow and this death hurts.
But I'll take every minute of it
just for a few happy seconds with you.
You are ****** in a human form.
You are whats going to end me.

#life #love #happy #sad #him #her #relationships #addiction #depression #anxiety

poems in the clouds Sep 2017

He won't let me go.

You have hurt me so many times
so whats that point in coming back?
Every time you hurt me
you always made sure I was
still okay, and I hated that.
You would apologize and apologize
and you wouldn't let me leave
until we were okay.
But this time I knew
it would only happen again.
You insisted on driving me home
the first time you actually saw
that you made me cry.
And you said your sorrys
and compliments the whole
way back and even
the next morning.
I didn't get it because you
and I both know that
you should have just let me go.
But we seemed to both have
a hard time letting each other go.
For two people who are
suppose to be just friends,
we make fires
and everyone around us watches
us go up in flames every single time.
And he's so good at pretending
to care,
so good at it.
He makes me believe him
every single time.
But let me just tell you
this time is different.
Because maybe I'll
be the one to let go.

Last night was the last straw.

#life #love #happy #sad #relationships

poems in the clouds Sep 2017

The urge to write.

Words pour out of my veins
out through my eyes.
I'm walking poetry.
I feel words in
my bones
under my skin.
Almost like sometimes
I might burst.
I take in words
like pure ecstasy.
Words are ecstasy.
The way a combination
of letters can move
mountains,
the way a combination
of letters can be a breath of fresh air.
The way reading a combination
of nothing but letters
can bring the sun out
on my darkest days.
I write because I feel
the urge in me.
I write because it's the
only way anyone will listen
to me.
I write because these words
can crawl through
your skin
and make you crave more.
Like one of the sweetest
forms of intimacy.
I write because somedays
I'm sure that I have nothing else.
I write because I am
a storm.
I write because
to me
It's how I breathe.
When I write,
I can finally be free.

#life #love #happy #sad #poetry #anxiety #depression

poems in the clouds Sep 2017

We should go our separate ways.

It was 1 a.m.
I was at a bar,
you were probably
at your house,
drunk,
having people come over.
I texted you
and the first thing you
said to me was "come over"
but you and I
both know that wasn't
going to happen anymore.
I had to tell you I didn't
hate you.
Because the last time
I talked to you the words
poured out of my
mouth like lava
and I was sure you
would never talk to
me again.
But sure enough,
without even hesitating
the second my name popped
up on your screen
you told me to come see you.
And that's what drove
me crazy.
Despite everything
you still always wanted
to see me.
And that's what made me wonder,
despite us being so against
being together,
we can never leave each other
alone.
I could only think
you wanted me
as much as i want you,
but we both know
we will never
admit it.
Maybe two people
are meant to meet,
but can never be together.

#life #love #happy #sad #relationships

poems in the clouds Sep 2017

Love Abandoned Me

And even after all the pain
I begged myself not
to give up on love.

#life #love #happy #sad #depression #anxiety #relationships

poems in the clouds Sep 2017

The Walls That Protect Me

Before you go on to break my heart you should know:
These walls are made of brick and they will not
fall, no matter how awful the trauma is.
This heart has been shattered plenty of times,
but it has been put back together every single time,
by no one other than myself.
I have fought many different wars for many years.
Let me tell you that if you even think you are capable
of tearing down my castle,
you can't.
I have built this house so strong
that even the strongest storm
will not tear it down.
This house was built from
storms and it will never
be destroyed by one.

Never easily broken.

#life #love #happy #sad #relationships #anxiety #depression