Hand in Hand.

Your hands were the first thing I loved.
Chapped by harsh times
We held them clasped together till the life was choked out of us
Hands embraced around feelings and hormones.
Clasped so tightly we took a blind leap over the cliffs of loneliness
The landing is always rough but I still miss their warmth.
Hand in hand hearts entangled then broken apart by the tie loosened.
Still the sweet sweatiness of time and love embraced by a firm
grasp of wanting to be comforted.
And maybe held close in a digital embrace.
Hands so warm at first, cooled by time and impact
Still memories of them remain
Chapped but integral to a thing that was true then apocryphal.


-Fin.

On the last day of May
There we lay
You pressed your forehead against mine
Your hand on the back of my neck
Holding me closer than ever before
You were leaving its true
The question was who me or him?
I could tell in the lilt
Of a dispassionate chord in your voice
That the answer lay as it always does
On the last day of May in the eyes impossible to see
As you pressed your head against mine.
If only youd tilt your mane upward and smile that blast of heavenly rays
And say with conviction we will return soon
To how we once were before the May of our doom.
I know it was cast the die of our fates
If only April or March again
But May always come marching inevitably along.
Its impossible to delay
The last day of us in the last month of me.

-Fin
Slo 6-'16

We werent always so distant she demurred
Caught in the riptides of youth and fancy
Whimsical and conceited free and unspoiled
Your future father and me
Unplanned and unexpected a whim unleashed
Experiences explored passion requited
We entered each others lives
broke through and swirled around the glass
of life unfettered
Eyes penetrating youthful attraction
Experienced a fleeting high
Doomed from the beginning left with a permanent
Memory a memo to a time of light
and fancy lust and ecstasy
We were the ones who found excitement
and thought for a shinning moment that
all was wonderful and bright and cheery
In a youthful ultra color saturated moment of time.

No. 116


I should have loved her
Instead I loved her friend
I will never forget when she walked away
Not out of my life just the room
The woman who loved me
Disgraced for the woman I sought
I should have wanted her
I should have held her close
She was immeasurably sweet and loving, intelligent and fun
Instead I went for her (our) friend who was nothing but attractive
I spent months without true feelings fueling a farce that
always ends badly.
Even after she broke up with her fiancé to date me we were
not to last as it is ever written
I ended up outside her apartment with tears sitting in her car
It ended and the three of us were altered.
I should have been smart but I sinned against right and mistook
friend for lover.
When lovers abscond, the friend never re-compensates the loss.
I miss the us all these many years later and
mourn the affection that I should have maintained.
The I massacred the triumph of kinship.
I miss them, the two girls.
One I should of loved and the one that I did
If only momentarily.

Fin.

While I slept the world changed
As the day broke so did my consciousness
What to awake to out of so many fates?
To arise to hope or plunge to despair?
And what to the dawn did my slumber unveil?
A world as different as the mind has thoughts
What did I form by my wandering imagination
But a new world changed not only in thought
But transformed into a new existence
While I slept, the world not only changed, but I knew, so had I
For the third eye saw the dawn and gently wept away its conception
Man has the world and slumber the night
How I make this new day is up to my will and creativity
A new day or a new way of dreaming?
Only the unconscious knows and it remains chaste and reticent
While I dreamt a new existence was formed and dashed a thousand fold
New wonders rose and fell as the crashing of a galactic tide
All oblivious to this I sighed and tossed in reverie
The eye was blind but the soul ever glimpsed a fleeting fate
Formed by the gossamer wings of fancy and erected into something more
Capriciously I awake to a world not only changed on the outside
But altered in precept in the core of what makes me internally whole.

Love never fully goes away
It sinks deeper into the marrow
Entwines around the sensitive organs
Submerged below conscious but entrails remain
It changes form and shape
The intensity modulates
We are a congregate of our indefatigable sharing
Our connections made between receptive nerves
Once we come together, the neurons form
permanent connections deeply engrained and cast
A gestalt of feelings some hidden deep
into an archeology of merged soul residue

Exorbitant Compensation

No 115

She described deep feelings of loneliness and depression
I should of cared
She talked about all that left her less than whole
I should of listened
She went on about medical needs
I removed the syntax from the words
She looked to me
I looked past her
She was a bloated emptiness
I was the same

fin

Red Devil’s Holiday
No. 85


I went to the desert to find grace
I came back with burning sand in my clothes

I saw mirages of love
I peered deeper focusing my vision
I discovered a heart made of stone
I went to the mountain to see my future
The desolation bore singular abandonment
I saw valleys, oceans and open plains
Alas I could not see the Garden of Eden
For the blazing sword of the archangel blinded my longing gaze
I came back with stones in my shoes

I went to my diary seeking salvation from tribulation
Distractions interrupted the reading
I found dehydrated history in my genealogy
Equilibrium was fleetingly grasped to be supplanted
I was looking for manifestations through an empty window
I came back with a world view in flux

My hunger drew me towards fields of abundance
I came back malnourished
The populace of the world had crowded me from the banquet table
Sequestered even as I sought nourishment
The music had stopped and there I stood with no place of identity.
The horn of cornucopia lay broken at my feet
I left stalked by hunger pains

I looked to the heavens for absolution
The starlight irritated my gaze
I left with tear doused eyes
The heavens were mute
The stars stared back vacuously
Eye to eye with heaven I was unenlightened
The constellations prescribed terse vacation of meaning
No arcane discovery for the soul sought endeavor

What trekked to the desert came back to me diminished

Pragmatic nuance added immeasurably through subtraction.

fin

Sometimes love residue remains
long after the flames have smoldered out
to mere embers glowing faintly
we separated hearts but a little was left behind
a faint shimmer
and always fester deep down
where it can be pushed out of sight
but never quite forgotten
ready to burst into blooms of flame
if the heart is not discreet
fueled by misguided thoughts of happiness
when the relationship ended in grief
there is nothing to be gained
when we leave pieces of ourselves
behind to be collected by our exes

Echo and Narcissist

He stared into her life
It enveloped him, metamorphosing his reality
Sometimes we are changed until we dont remember
those quaint things that we pretend to adore
and lose ourselves in the Medusa’s gaze
of a life
trans-formative and different.

Lord I pray if it is thy will
Guide us through the time to come
And if your will be just
Help us find each other again
If not corporeally, then in the spirit of a love that compensates
Not in pain and pseudo-truths
But in tranquility molded from unconditional redemption
Trusting in ourselves and others by a space
May we navigate the rending shoals that seek to tear our spirits
The impermeable walls of destruction that keep our hearts from conciliation
And may the love that once outshone our mutual hope, have not been a mocking enticement
A whisper caught within a dream dreamt not so long ago
But may we always mean something metaphysical and real
If not together than in solitary contentment
May the forgiveness given always bond our hearts
Thru space and time and life between

She left a wake of bubbles trailing behind
I never left her though
I was there when her head touched the pillow
I smelled her deep in my soul her scent on my nostrils
I felt the liquid pearls of her grief when she thought
I didn’t see her crying
I knew her thoughts when her countenance cringed in
despair.
I held her hand when she trembled in fear
I was gone but never more present
A wish away from holding her to ease
her feelings of disappearance
Never as far away as it seems that
we go
Closer than a mere whisper of a truth
barely heard in a wake of dissonance.

You think you love them and so you give
Body and spirit and this mystical soul
You open your arms and your ***** and your
Defenses are disarmed
For this is living and this is life and this is transcendence
You think I love this person and so you unshackle
Unfettered you give and the spirit is lifted
The drugs of *** and love and temporary commitment
Mix in your arterial pathways changing you for the better?
It is beyond anything else and is chased with much vigor
What else is there you wonder?
Chasing the high that makes you feel accepted and connected
and finally alive.
Sure it ends and the withdrawal is miserable
But who cares when life is lived so vibrantly?
Who says the price is not worth the pleasure?

Welcome the perpetually distracted
Fixated on a higher order so reality
Can fade to the background
Focus refocused reduced and qualified
They stand in line their micronized
Attentions satiated by the glowing orbs
They adore.

Drip drip drip
The sunset cracked the surface of her permafrost heart
Drip drip drip
The candlelit feast fed the flames of the passion denied
Her heart as fossil frozen away and yet the smell of summer experienced
Seeped deep into her countenance and so it was the melting of the snowman
Drip drip drip
His touch pierced the outer wall
Her lips freed to his drip drip
Her hands held in passion drip drip
The melting of a permafrost heart
A little from the edges freed then more and more breaking fee
To beat free from bonds of frigidity
And so the ice melted piece by delicate piece
The woman fossilized, the man rebuilt in heat of a summer.