They tell me I'm mature
That they forget I am a young teen when they talk to me
Or look at me
That I think far too much
And far too deeply
For someone just in middle school

And though
I know that they say it with love
But it is sad to me
For I was not born this way
Things had to shape me
And make me grow up quicker than I should have

I had to be the responsible person
Way too often
I had to comfort my father as if he was my child
I had to learn to analyze people
To keep myself safe

I have always wished I was older
So this wouldn't be weird
But I also wished I would be younger
So I could be carefree for once

Self awareness kills me slowly
I fear I have too much

The stars are beautiful
They always are

It's just
Sometimes
The light pollution gets in the way
And we can't see them anymore

But who knows
Maybe
Tomorrow you'll see them really clear

For the next two days
I'll be off and away
In the middle of nowhere
Where no one wants to be

For the next two days
I'll have no electronics
And that means no phone
And that means, I won't be on here

For the next two days
I hope you all can forgive me
For I will be forced to take a break

Colour-coded lists
with satisfying check marks
Tally for self-worth score
Free time is a dead wasteland
Work compulsion conquers all

Work is my saviour
Proof that I have use
Grateful for the gift
of structured daily toil

I don’t need a break
I am far too strong
I am made to stand
in any roaring storm

Endlessly on point
I cannot relax
Maybe I should take
a class in calming down

Another degree
Major in stillness
Minor in poems,
music, walks and gardens

What happens to me
While I do ‘leisure’?
What will I be worth
when I take time for me?

When days are rough at work, and heat is high
My self-esteem is carried by a role
To prove each working day that I am fine
And value comes from actions to assist
At frantic pace that slowly dents my soul

Beware when job and self strong-overlap
Identity is blank beyond my job
Then molehills swell to snowy mountain range
Allotments to sheep stations in my mind
And working day and night a sleeve-worn slog

Befogged in role, befuddled in self-worth
In muddled shame, obscured by guilt and fear
With added slow fatigue and hopelessness
And where do your needs end, and mine begin?
All rules of world and life become unclear

Learn to take time off
Negotiate with myself
New type of self-worth
Creative time, open field
Discovery nurtures all

Once a naive child
Sought after the sea
To feel as vivid blue
As the depths of it

Ventured in too far
Got swallowed by a wave
Trapped into the waters
Dissolving into them

Hence why I have no body
No place to keep my soul
Passed on all my sorrows
To waves crashing on the shore