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Ronin May 2020
Tomorrow
When you wake up
It will all
Start to
Come back
Again

And you’ll have to relive
Every.
Single.
Moment.
You spent together.
I haven’t been writing much. I can’t sleep, or eat. I am heartbroken.
Heartbreak doesn’t inspire you, if it’s bad enough.
  Jan 2020 Ronin
Emily
I always thought we were the perfect match.
But matches are meant
                                   to ignite
                                         and burn out.
  Jan 2020 Ronin
Sawyer
You wake up beside her every morning,
She draws your curtains and blocks the sun, says,
“Sleep a moment more” and wraps herself
Around your waist, painted red fingernails
Dig into your sides and you suddenly find
You can’t see through the salt in your eyes.

Her tongue tangles with your lashes as she
Licks the salt away, saying,
“Shh, babe, they can’t know I’m here.”
She peppers your face with pecks,
Less like loving caress and more like bites but
To tell her “No,” has proved futile time and time again.

She stands behind you in the mirror, runs her hands
Over your body, leaving ice in the wake of her fingers,
Pinching your hips and thighs while she sighs,
“Oh, my light,
Why don’t you listen to me more?”

She catches your lips with every bite of breakfast,
Saying, “No, dearest, don’t give in,”
Kisses you senseless, but you just can’t tell if you’re euphoric
Or insane.

The taste of chocolate,
A knife in the gut,
It’s all the same to her.
So now you’re bleeding out on the floor,
And you wish that metallic taste really was a blade,
At least to swallow that would bring darkness instead of shame.
“The blood in your mouth has a calorie count,”
So you know it won’t be long until she takes that too.
Ronin Oct 2019
the numbers on the scale
they define my worth
and right now, my worth adds up
to exactly
zero.

those numbers need to drop
until i am gone
annihilated
erased from this earth and from history
there is no "skinny enough"

i can't give in
i need to reach
that sick, sick goal weight
though i already know
anorexia won't be satisfied
because there is no "skinny enough"

the ideal weight
is exactly
zero.
Ronin Oct 2019
you are with me
within me
every second
of every day

every time
i close my eyes
i see you

kissing her
just like you kissed me

loving her
just like you loved me

being all hers
just like you were all mine

back when
i was enough.
Ronin Oct 2019
self-hatred
is art
just like
poetry
it needs to be expressed

a razor blade
is my pen
my skin
the paper
and my blood
the ink

art tells a story
coming from
deep inside
our darkest secrets
revealed
and once they're written down
they stay
forever.
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