I deleted their phone numbers
From my phone

Won't be calling them again

They do not much care

The therapist she cared
She was fun to talk to

I have one friend now

Rely on yourself
Self-reliance

Some people just don't care
I've learned that much

15-10-19
I want you to read this.
Know that I'm a psychopath.
It would be easier if you hated me for creeping up your neck.
For holding a snare around your ankle.

For being obsessed and inhuman.

If I'm not human. If I'm not real. I cannot be hurt.
And since your opinion matters the most in this hour, tell me I'm surreal. So I can surrender.

~

Barefoot.  
Floor.
I wish you could see me now.
Slowly moving my body to his lyrics.
"Oh mother I can feel.."*

Breath in my mouth so I won't die.
If that lust is too mad.
Then bury my flesh and mind among the soaked leaves.
As long as your skin grab my limbs, I'm fine.

he tells me to **** my fears
i try, i try my best to **** them
i lean over them in the darkness of the night
thinking to stab them
with the sharpest of the knives
i hold it tightly in my hand
i expect them to put up a fight
but they don't, they do nothing at all
and i realize that i cannot **** them
i cannot **** something that has been
a part of me since the beginning
so i pull up the trunk from under the bed
and lock them away and tell them to be quite.

he tells me again to **** all my fears
i tell him they are dead, yes i lie
he buys it easily and i secretly smile

i hate my fears yet they feel like the only thing
that is truly mine.

I felt the saddle’s movement;
I heard the horse’s snort;
Around my neck I felt the rope
Of my weight to soon support

Underneath a giant oak
I sat upon my steed
As I awaited punishment
For some malignant deed

I heard the creaking of the hemp
Against an oaken limb
‘T is Hell would I soon visit
… I was sitting on its’ rim.

I looked down, and all about:
Oaken acorns on the ground!
I urged to pick them up …
But … both my hands were bound.

My thoughts were all distorted
My vision was a blur
I tried so hard to scream
But … my words were just a slur

I felt the rope go taut -
Someone slapped my horses’ **** …
I heard the snapping of my neck
And felt the **** and bump!

Suddenly I was screaming
Sitting upright in my bed
Sweat was pouring off me
I was sure that I was dead!

Slowly did I realize
The nightmare had been a dream
All was calm and normal
… not at all like it had seemed.

Back down on my pillow
I lay my sweaty head
Smiling unto myself …
So glad I wasn’t dead.

I felt something on my pillow
… in the dim light did I stare …
Horror rushed back into me:
‘T was an acorn lying there!

I watch my hands
Destroying that mirror
And I finally understand
That I am a killer

Not only is the mirror breaking
But I am too
And I know that I am hating
The one staring back through

Nobody can hate me
As much as I do
Now you can see
What has been hidden from you

People say they love me
But they love the fact that they aren't alone
Would they live on in glee
If all that was left of me was my bones

I know I have nobody
And I guess I don't care
I've never lived comfortably
Only in despair

So this is the end
Of this mirror of mine
No more time to pretend
This is the end of my line