Im ready for you...
I always have been

Don't worry
I know the system is wrong
The whole **** system is wrong

But

I know what we are
I know what we're not

I won't let my irises bleed and the falling collect on my pillow

I wont let it turn to dust and waft around my room

I won't let my loneliness keep me company every night

I will not breathe the air that you exhaled into my life

I'll let you touch with no feeling because you made yourself clear

So tonight when you call me i will listen but not pay attention because when you hand somone your happiness and they leave

They take your happiness too

I fall deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole that is love
It's a trick
Now I guess you could say I believe in magic
What is love?
Is it three words and some voices singing sad lyrics to cigarettes and bottomless coffee cups?
Is it an itch im never able to scratch?
My fingertips brush against the spot but... you see my arms weren't long enough
Not ten feet long and such
Is it not for girls with low self-esteem and kinks?
Just for those sappy happy go lucky lunatics who believe reality is not a war.
The earth they walk upon a fairytale and not a battle ground.
So am i the coocoo bird with a death wish or they?
Maybe it is everyone else who is crazy...
But! I am the girl who wanted to die when i was granted life!
So that must mean i am insane
Gifts given and tossed away!
Stop!
Please i beg do not give to me!
I don't want health or anything else
I just want to lie in the ocean i have cried
the waves hold me just below the Surface.
I never did deserve air... now did I?

This is what I wrote. I feel like this and the collab gave off two different vibes and i liked them both so it says the same thing but this one is just me. I wanted to show whoever takes the time to read my garbage.

A shift in mood... my mind chases it's self in circles
Little wolf trying to catch its tail
What am i but a toy
A puppet pulled by strings
A soldier with puppy dog eyes not marching Gracefully
A ******* catastrophe
A ****** ******* mess
A brilliant battle moved
Now look and See my scar
Im happy then im not
my Mind Can't take much More
Im elated but depressed
A hyena filled with stress
I want to be alive and burried with the dead
A deaf canon firing when i please
When i want to stand i end up on my knees
I laugh at serious times
Like when the doctor is counting my dimes
Best to pay in tens for my therapy at nine
Bipolar disorder
I need to get my life in order...

I love you more than children love candy stores
I love you the way pig men love ******
I love you more than coffee house maids love cigarettes
I love you more than addicts love their cold sweats
Loving you more than lovers have loved each other
I love you more than babies love butterfly kisses and white milk bottles
I love you the way being lost feels so satisfying
Because you know there's no where to go but up
I love that you love me
saying the word love makes me feel free
I love you more than I love the rain
Id live for hot days if you'd do it with me
Love isn't enough
I adore you my dear
Can't you see...
I love so much more than i could explain

She carried herself across the tops of houses riding on clouds and when we pretend to sleep we make no sounds.
We hold our breath and let our chests rise and fall to the click-snap of opening doors and whispered fights.
The night was thirsty and more than happy to swallow your secrets.
We bump pillows while our lids flutter. open and closed.
We cloaked our ears trying to unhear words shimmy and shake against eachother.
Brilliant shouts shake the house and Shhhhhh is unnecessary when you're not where you should be
no longer in dreamless sleep
Lips lock and bad memories we keep
Cause they're ******* talkin about me
My heart goes da da da dummmmp
Skip trip jump
Cler........
..
...
..Plump
Stop. Waaaaiiiit... Um.
Did they hear me? No.
Da dump daaaaaadummmmm da dump
Too young for chest pains and migranes
That **** is for listening to all your kids talk at once
But i plan to have none
The darkness wraps it's fingers around my already broken neck
It makes a noose out of shadows and hangs me up for all the dead to see
it puts on my eye patches
Envades my mind cause I had the shakes bad today
Another blackout takes me but im afraid im already in too deep

Nooses are nice when they're around your neck
Doctor our patient is dead
She choked on a load of pens
Words written around  her throat
Ink clawing at jaws telling teeth to let go
Click yout tongue against your cheek
Let the black bomb flow freely
A fantastic explosion of emotions would **** them all
So we dont say anything at all
No words
Not even ones that are small
Skin dips as nails dig in
I didn't lie when i said i scratch at my neck...
Flesh under fingernails looks pretty
So i dig harder
My teeth gritting
Why doctor
Another girl lost
She was caught up in her spiderweb she called thoughts
She sees herself dying and asks what's wrong
Why couldn't i be a normal one
So she puts that song on
The one that calms her down
Looks at her feet in an attempt to avoid the now
In the bath
Choking
...she drowns
Alone her already dim light is put out

I kiss your lips pushing all emotions off of mine and on to yours
Eyes closed I pull back for a cold breath
Breathing is ******* this night in winter but not from the snowflakes
And instead of snow it might rain
In a moment
Was it because we dared to dream
We both are going away
How long will talking last
A day is an eternity
So I'm chained to this poll we are leaning on one last time
Till i need to be gone
Maybe I'll brake the rules
Stay by this poll till midnight
Perhaps morning
Or just until it starts pouring
If we stayed outside all night
Maybe the clouds would be kind

skinny fingers... skinnier frame

She hides behind t shirts too big
ribs

cause she wants to be an extra small 
Health business 

food huddled in pockets waiting to be eaten 
napkins folded 

Hunger pangs are an addiction 
stuck

Hidden in her room where there is no food
binge and purge 



Fragile 

Tiny

Dainty 

Little 

Light 

BONES


Words­ describe why food has no home 
in the trash all alone 

because you can never be too small 
phones 

mother doesn't know and we wont give her that call

YOU...
PASS...
OUT....

Hungry makes my stomach talk
not enough energy to walk

my vision is blurred 
black around the curves 

My...
HEAD...
HURTS...

i will make it stop 





goodnight

I am a young woman with a body below average in a world full of super models and good looking people. I don’t know why I can’t just accept the fact that im unattractive and move on… try to live a happy life. I obsess over every little space… every crevice.. every centimeter. Anything that is me i cannot enjoy. My mind is an ugly gutter filled to the brim with words like knives that dig in. I would never speak the things i think out loud. Never would i ever say something so nasty to someone i care for… not even someone I hate because i know this constant stream of lyrics i sing to myself could be enough to push anyone over the ledge. Brush it off at first. It didn’t really hurt. But every day filled with self inflicted pain.. mean mind games. It can ****. Why have guns when our mouths are perfectly capable. Shiny uglies and crippling kisses goodbye don’t count as ******… it was just a game to play alone. How many calories can i not eat? Im so ******* unhappy.

1

Walking when the sky is at its darkest and the moon is reflecting everything i saw in you off of shiney objects makes me want to live in an ocean where giant luna pearls sleep for eternity. There is goodness within shadows... and there are shadows within you.  I think I need a new dictionary. I can't say the things im thinking. They are so small and insignificant compared to your beauty. Your thoughts are... something so precious. I'd like to see snowflakes melt on your lashes and dance down your cheeks. Im trying to understand what it all means. i want to sit so still and silent i can hear my own heartbeat and really I don't think i ever will.. because I'll always breathe and you can't be a statue when you're blinking. You ears can't focus when your breath is taken away. Steal my lungs and I will never learn. I'd very much like to trace the veins that twist and turn creating art along your arms.  Give your cuts butterfly kisses although i know it doesnt make things better. While you torture a fallen angel i cant help but think.. "Why him?" If i fall asleep id still not be able to reach my dreams. They're untouchable like the stone i keep behind the cage we call ribs. I hope you never see this...

How shall he **** himself?
Tie a rope around his neck and hang himself up like a coat on a hook
Or soak in a bath of red...I think I've read that in a book
Take a load of pills and shove them down his throat like the words he never said and the sobs we never heard
Stand in the middle of the road at night and wait for a car to come but there's a chance they wouldn't hit him and There's a chance he'd end up numb
Take a gun to his head and blow his beautiful brains all over this world
But he wants to go peacefully like maybe he was just sleeping
Endlessly he's thinking of a way to stop his days
And now he knows what he really wants
To jump from way up high and in his last moments he will be flying
And then it really hits him that he is actually dying...

Meeting minds for the first time in a long time can make a soul crazy
Poisonous Ballerina!
Yes that's what she wanted to be
The world wouldn't be able to recover without you and me
The little word "us" is not something to be taken lightly
The planet where her feet once lay
I'd set it on fire to watch it burn and inhale the ashes
Yes let it decay
I'd spit a mouthful of thick black lashes in god's face without you....
With... out
Its not something i can comprehend
God would surely rip me to shreds
I'd say simply "you took my love away first!"
Of course the rips will hurt... but not as much as a broken heart
She was made of glass
A doll
She tiptoed on the back of dimes
Trying to fall into a different dimension
She wanted to be dead before the rise of the sun
So we begged "please moon.. do not close your eyes"
Smother her in waterfalls and puddles
She always loved to play in the rain...

Hey man who has the ability to make art
could you please tell me what you think you can never be 
The first time I feel like I'm not going anywhere 
is where Id like to be 
but im always exhausted and moving 
to the ocean and its king
fish forever 
fish forever 
gills soak up tears much better

I was just wondering what the salt tastes like
when its not up against the sand
anything on the land is bland
id like to go down deep into the dark
not having the pressure **** me
What life must be like for fish in the sea

wettest body does not have to read 
lifeguard doesn't care for me
i am a merqueen who tastes like mercury 
dont fish fry me
dont air dry me
leave me be...

DRAFT:

He is like a fire
A beautiful ******* burn
He makes my skin hurt
His words are like swords that sting
Everything that ever will be is happening
H... I... M...
he makes me want to scream
I love the way he says hello and goodbye
Also all the words in between
My body is overflowing
Overwhelmed with emotion
And the bad went overhead
Im over ******* heating
I don't want to go to bed
Let's talk all night instead

I let this ink bleed from my veins... 
I mean something with every word that i say
you do not get the meaning
Thats okay
Its not for you but me
Letter therapy
Move your pencil
Print something deep
The birds peck until there's nothing more to keep....

I fell in love with the moon but i do know that without the sun the moon would be as invisible as i feel.

maybe it just wasn’t perfect timing
But who said we had to be perfect to love infinitely?
I’ll tell you I love you infinity if you would just...
Let me.

I wanted to tell him that I’m sorry
Because victims live in a loop of uncertainty and I don’t blame others for emotions that are all my own

I wanted to tel him he’s all I ever wanted
That I can wait an eternity if I have to because to me this was all we ever were
Two souls destined for eachother

I choose you every time
I’ll never stop choosing you

You’ve really got to **** me
Send me into oblivion or
Nothingness
before I let you no longer know me

No matter what happens I love you
With my whole heart

You told me soulmates are a thing of the past
That thing I keep running from
It seems to keep catching you


je te libérerais si je le pouvais
(I’d break you free if I could)

We had candy hearts and you were walking poetry
we spoke the language of eyes I see humans but no Humanity
Rainbows are gray to black and white in between
shoes are on the other foot but fitting it can't be
TV for sir television and televisions show images but the images are figmants of a mad mans imagination
His name is God
That's what we call him at least
we're his ****** up creation
I am backround not backbone
Actors are cast in my own dreams to play me because i was not perfect enough to play myself
Now children... When i say the language of eyes i mean instead of lips we met minds because of our thoughts curiosity
Our tongues did not lock but instead they flow freely
"The man" wanted us stuck not in control so he gave us color protectors but i like using crayons cause they're messy

And in that moment she realized just how truly insignificant she was. "No one cares." Another thought she couldn't control bounced around her brain waves as she tried to find air but reality would never let her come up so forever she will be dragged down.

We walked beside each other silently again. We stopped and he let the back of his cool hand brush my face from my temple to my jaw. Electricity flowed through our connecting skin making the breaths we both took shallow and deep all in one moment. We swayed against eachother and played connect four with our finger tips. Our expressions were mixtures of uncertainty, excitement, and devilish thoughts came to the surface. We revealed what is most precious to eachother.

She wanted men to finally look at her with hungry eyes instead of disgusted expressions.

Everyone is beautiful to someone but i wanted to be beautiful to him

She wasn't simple
And she didn't love easy
But
When she did
You were stuck on her
Like
Beautiful confusion
Because being figured out meant you knew yourself
And she had been lost
And may forever be

I'm so lonely i could drown...

It was as simple as "I'm sad."

I remember who I was before it happened
I smelled like cherry
My skin was always clean
I hope I have what it takes to find her
She was light
The kind that fills your chest
She is like happy tears
So full and good
I Miss her louder when my silence is at its most quiet
I hope she finds me too