Leave before they love you
Or
Stay until they don't anymore

Time flies, that’s what they say right?
But the alcohol still has its bite
and the drugs still have their haze
I’m walking hour to hour in a daze,
of what could have been,
should have been,
and would have been.
I’ve started drinking straight gin,
no time for the tonic, but we were toxic.
Maybe that’s why I like it, I take another swing and tell the movers ‘box it.’
How’s this the right thing,
when I’m still hurting and it’s spring.
The drinks no longer numb me,
I just want to feel free
but I don’t know how to move on,
at the end of the day I’m drunk, and you’re still gone.
Whiskey reminds me of you,
its burn is welcomed, right on cue.
I’m latching onto the bottle, wishing this wouldn’t be so hard to swallow.
I’m tired of you making me feel so hollow.
So I’m starting to play your favorite game of pretend,
telling myself that everything will be okay in the end.

Go out and search for yourself.
Find small pieces of you in the veins of a friend
Or inside the forest.
Find your soul sprinkled in some foreign city
Miles away from home
Or in your backyard
Mingling among the flowers.
Search for the bakeries
That call your name from within
Or the stranger that smiles at you as you pass.
Search yourself out;
There, you will find, is the purest reflection of you.

Respect is something everyone can do
Ages is just a number between me and you
I may be young
but I am definitely not dumb
I form my own opinions
but you don't stop to listen
No words i say can ever compare
Because you are not fair
Older does not mean you are smarter
that's the starter
I sit there and respectfully decline
how your ideas differ from mine
But I don't know.. because I'm young
and all i can do is hold my tongue
Because you won't listen
I won't voice my opinion
You will never know what I have to say
Or know what great things it may convey
If you can't respect me
then I choose to agree to disagree
I will not sit there and be put down
You make me want to shut down
my ideas are what I believe
But whatever I think, you misconceive
Don't yell at me
For being what makes me, me
Respect is something EVERYONE can achieve.

my roommate likes to play dress up.
sometimes, she will look just like me;
other times, she looks like fragmented bits
of my worst weeks thrown together
in old calendars I've tried to lose.

you tell me this is a cry for help,
but "help" is a foreign word
that will always sound funny
coming from my lips.
keeping myself together
is a language I never learned to speak.

a merry-go-round of feeling bad
about feeling bad
about feeling bad.
I can't remember the opposite of sick.
my stomach is hurting
and my head is spinning
from all of these circles.

I've been avoiding my reflection
because I'm afraid she'll be disappointed
to see what I've made out of her.
I don't want to keep running from people
who once loved me.

Tonight I vow to forget your name
And drown your memory
In whiskey.
Tonight I vow to forget the way
Your lips tasted with
A pack of cigarettes.
Tonight I vow to forget your hands
And numb my own
With the cold.
Tonight I vow to forget you
For real this time
Like you forgot me.

01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself